Sam White and the Seven Chevrons
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By Catherine Craig
Email: neith@stargatesg-1.com
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Rating: G
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't have anything to do with Stargate SG-1. They belong to Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions and Gekko Productions. Tis story is for entertainment purposes only. No money has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations and story are sole property of me. Not to be archived without my permission.
Author's note: This is the first time I have done anything like this, so I would be really interested in hearing your comments. I would like to thank Suzie, and Tokra. Most importantly of all, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I have writing it. So, without further ado...
Copyright 2000 by Catherine Craig
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Sam White and the Seven Chevrons
Major Carter - Sam White
Corneal O'Neill - Prince Jack
Daniel Jackson - Narrator
Teal'c - Wicked Goa'uld Stepjaffa
General Hammond - Father
Dr. Fraiser - Evil Doctor
Simms - Small Stargate
Once upon a time there lived a princess...
"That's not me, is it?"
No, Jack, it's not you. Her name was Sam White and she was everything her parents could have wished for,
"I'm an astrophysicist, I love science, I can talk about it all day..."
Eh, yeah. Well, Sam White lived in a palace with her father.
"That would be me, son, eh, daughter."
King George was a peaceful, kind father. However, he was lonely, his wife had died when Sam White was very young. He decided to take another wife.
"That would be I, Daniel Jackson?"
Yes, Teal'c. Now King George's wife was very vain. Every morning she looked into her mirror. But this was no ordinary mirror. It was in fact a small Stargate, which would explain why Sam White's stepjaffa never saw her face, only a hazy blue liquid. Yet every morning she said:
"I am not familiar with this phrase, Daniel Jackson."
"For crying out loud Teal'c! Just read the words!"
"Stargate, Stargate, mini wormhole, who is the fairest jaffa of them all?"
"You are oh jaffa. You look ravishing with your long, black, flowing locks, your pink lipstick and the high heels are so you. I just love your handbag!"
"That is not a handbag. It is my zat'nic'atel."
Actually, Teal'c, budget cuts, it is your handbag, just don't point it at anyone!
"Hmm."
Sorry, Sam, we're coming to you now.
"About time."
So, anyway, one day the mirror replied,
"You are the most beautiful jaffa, but their is one Tauri that exceeds your beauty. She also knows a lot about astro..."
"Hold on a second!"
What, Jack?
"Simms, is that you?"
"I too noticed his voice was familiar."
"OK, I'm Simms. So what? You didn't think I just eagerly awaited every word of every mission report stemming from a this base like a wide eyed child waiting for it's bedtime story?"
Well, actually...
"Look, I'm the small Stargate, happy? Can we please continue?"
Sure, OK. So the Stepjaffa got very annoyed and called in her faithful doctor.
"You called, oh wickedness?"
"Yes, indeed I did."
"You require something?"
"Kill Sam White, bring me proof she's dead."
With that she left.
"Petty coat streamin' behind."
Jack, you're ruining the atmosphere.
"Seems OK to me. Still oxygen and nitrogen, ain't it?"
Oh, ha ha. Not much longer. Keep it up and it'll be carbon dioxide.
"Someone's touchy!"
I will choose to ignore that. So the evil doctor called Sam White in, for a 'routine check-up'.
"Don't worry, Sam White, this won't hurt a bit!"
"I trust you, Doctor."
"By the way, I was thinking of going fishing with Cassandra, care to join us?"
"Sure, I'd love...uug..."
With that Sam White collapsed in a heap, for the evil doctor had injected her with a sleeping potion. Yet the doctor couldn't bring herself to kill Sam White.
"She has saved my life on many occasions. 'Bout time I repaid the debt."
Suddenly she realised what she would do.
"I'll leave her on a deserted planet and destroy the DHD!"
This she did, and very soon Sam White was stranded on a distant planet with no way to return home. The doctor was very pleased with herself.
"Ha, ha, ha. I will alter some tests so the evil jaffa will believe her stepdaughter's dead!"
The evil jaffa believed the falsified reports and was overjoyed. Yet she never again used the talking Stargate, instead she went out and bought a singing mirror.
"Wh...What's going on?"
Sam White was awake, groggy, but alive! She looked up at the stars, did a quick calculation and figured out where she was.
"Judging by the distance between..."
"Get on with it already!"
Jack, stop it. This is a critical moment!
"No one's going to want to know this. Admit it Danny boy, it's boring!"
Well...
"Daniel!"
Sorry Sam, but he has a point. There are no ancient civilisations, no deities I can relate to..."
"Oh for crying out loud! Get on with it already!"
Fine, I will. Sam White looked around.
"As I've been trained in the military, I can survive the barren wilderness."
With that she whipped out a cell phone and began dialling.
"Whoa, I'm too far away to reach anyone! It's late, I better get some sleep."
* * *
The next morning she woke up and looked around.
"Do my eyes deceive me? Is that a Stargate?
Yes, it was indeed a Stargate, and she had fallen asleep on the DHD.
"I'm saved! All I have to do is calculate how to get to a safe planet."
With that Sam White sat down, took out her laptop and began to see which worlds she could go to.
"Finally, after hours of plotting I've found what may be the 7 chevrons I need to get out of here!"
Alas, for Sam White was tired and hungry. She wasn't even sure the Stargate would work, after all, she did have to dial out manually.
"Hark, what is that I hear?"
"Just a poor Nox, stranded on this planet."
"Can I help you?"
"Please take the Naquada, use it to power the Stargate."
"Thank you very much!"
Little did Sam White know the Naquada was poisoned. She began to feel weak, and before she passed out she heard the laughter of the Nox.
"Ha ha ha ha."
Suddenly she realised that she hadn't been talking to a Nox!
"Who are you?"
"It is I, the evil stepjaffa. My singing mirror told me you were still alive! It also told me I look ravishing in this green dress, what do you think?"
"Don't get carried away, Teal'c!"
"I am not, Colonel O'Neill."
"Prince Jack."
"Pardon?"
"Call me Prince Jack, I'm getting ready for my big scene!"
Oh, really?
"Yes, really."
Do you know what you have to do? Have you read the script yet?
"No, but give me time."
You do realise you have to awaken her with a kiss?
"Of course I... You what? A kiss!"
Indeed, you never read this story, did you Jack?
"Well, no..."
"But O'Neill, this story is rich in your culture and the backbone of your society."
Don't get carried away Teal'c!
"Oh for cryin' out loud! Just get on with it. Teal'c swap places with me, I know I'll look better in the dress, it'll bring out the colour of my eyes."
No, Jack. You begged for the lead part, it's only fair you get it.
"Is there a problem?"
No, Sam, Jack's just got some jitters about performing, he's never been a good actor.
"Yeah, well, the drug's worn off, can we continue?"
Please. So after this minor setback...
"Which nearly killed me."
Which nearly killed you, Sam White continued. She was just about to figure out where she was when...
"Hello."
"Eh, hi there."
"I am Tollan. I am here to offer you technology."
"Tollans never share. Who are you?"
"I have broken away from the Tollans, I feel everyone should benefit from our weapons."
Now Sam White was very trusting, and she believed the Tollan.
"OK, what can you offer me?"
"I have this, it is a Goa'uld hand device."
"I thought you said Tollan technology?"
"I did, but where would I get Tollan technology out here?"
"Point taken."
So Sam White was about to take the Goa'uld hand device. But whoa, as she looked up the Tollan had disappeared and in his place stood her evil stepjaffa.
"Oh dear."
"Indeed Sam White, 'Oh dear.' My doctor betrayed me. Mother always said 'If you want a pathetic stepdaughter killed, do it yourself!'"
With that she fired the weapon at Sam White.
"Aagh!"
"Ha ha ha."
Sam White dropped to the ground.
"She is dead, I have been successful. Finally I am again the most beautiful!"
With that she whipped out a pocket mirror.
"Mirror, Mirror, in my palm, who is the fairest in this land?"
"You are the most beautiful Jaffa, o Queen, but there is another fairer than you, her name is Sha're."
"WHO!! Sigh, an evil Jaffa's work is never done. I should have become a lawyer like my mother said."
With that she left, never to be seen again.
"View Heloo!"
Hark, what was that?
"It is I, Prince Jack! The most honourable, handsome, courageous, kind, daring..."
I think we get the idea.
"What's that? A fair damsel in distress! Wait a minute, 'fair damsel'?"
Yes, Jack, is there a problem with that?
"There better not be a problem!"
"Oh, no, no dear Sam White. Hey... Aren't you supposed to be dead?"
"And aren't you supposed to be a sentient being?" Good comeback Sam, I'll keep that in mind for future reference! Now Prince Jack, caring as he was, decided to help poor Sam White.
"Wait, she's not dead! I can feel a weak pulse! However, she is unconscious and badly injured!"
So Prince Jack, clever as he was, managed to find Sam White's laptop and figure out what she was doing. Very soon he had connected the Naquada reactor up and was ready to dial out.
"I suppose it's about time I wake Sam White with a kiss."
So he bent down, but as soon as he was about to kiss her...
"AAGH!! Hey! What ya' hit me for?"
"Who are you and what are you doing with my research?"
"I'm Prince Jack, and I was trying to get us out of here. Now let go of my neck!"
She reluctantly let go and sat up.
"So you weren't knocked out?"
"No, I saw you hovering around and pretended to be, to find out who you are."
Eh..., guys, this isn't the original script!
"We know, while Teal'c was doing his song and dance about being a lawyer, we made some amendments."
"Yea, what ya' think Danny boy?"
Sigh, do I have any choice?
"Of course not!"
Well then, I might as well continue with this...
So they finally dialled up the Stargate and left.
"Wait, where did we go? I couldn't go back to my home planet, my evil stepjaffa would kill me for sure this time!"
"I don't know where I came from."
Well, they went to a place called Earth, where the Tauri live. They joined the US Air Force and were there when the Tauri discovered their Stargate. They joined up with a witty, charming, brilliant, intelligent, good looking...
"Get on with it already!"
They joined up with an archaeologist and the ex-first Prime of Apophis and explored distant planets. They developed a strong friendship with each other and lived happily ever after.
"Isn't that sweet?"
"Indeed Major Carter. Can I keep these high heeled shoes?"
"Oh for cryin' out loud, Teal'c!"
The End
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