There are additional quotes on each of the episode reviews.
The Serpent's Lair
O'Neill: "Then I suppose now is the time for me to say something profound.... Nothing comes to mind. Let's do it."O'Neill: "This is just turning out to be a bad day."
O'Neill, feeling around him, his hand landing on Carter. She bites it, hard. "OWW!!! God! Ow!"
Carter: "Colonel? Sorry, Sir, it's just so dark."
O'Neill: "Oh, Carter. It's alright. I like your attitude."
Daniel: "It isn't dark. We're blind. And we failed."
O'Neill: "Alright, take it easy, Daniel. We've been in worse situations than this."
Teal'c: "Not to my knowledge."
O'Neill: "Thanks, Teal'c."Daniel: "Jack, I've already been through this once before, I've already seen this before."
O'Neill: "Daniel, will you relax? You've been through it before and you survived. We're just...having a bad day."O'Neill: "Carter, if someone comes in here you...bite 'em in the hand."
Carter, smiling: "Yes, Sir."Daniel: "Well, on the bright side, my hand isn't blurry anymore."
Bra'tac: "Perhaps when the warships of your world attack..."
Carter: "Ah, ah, ah, excuse me? Did you say the ships of our world?"
Bra'tac: "Surely you have such vessels."
Daniel: "Well, we have a number of...of..."
Daniel and O'Neill: "Shuttles."
Bra'tac: "These...shuttles. They are a formidable craft?"
O'Neill: "Oh, yeah. Yeah." He turns, past Daniel. "Bad day."O'Neill: "How many in your wing?"
Bra'tac: "Three."
O'Neill: "Three?"
Bra'tac: "Teal'c makes four."
O'Neill: "Oh, well, four."Bra'tac: "We offer to lay down our lives for your world, human. You cannot ask more."
Samuels: "Evacuation may be unnecessary."
Hammond: "From your mouth to God's ears, Colonel."Bra'tac: "Have you more of this 4-C?"
O'Neill: "It's called C-4."
Carter: "And the answer is no."Bra'tac: "We shall have to cross that bridge when we come to it."
O'Neill: "You know, that particular cliche doesn't...always...work..."Bra'tac, as O'Neill kills two serpent guards: "Not bad."
O'Neill, as Bra'tac knocks out two guards: "Not bad."
Samuels, finally figuring out that no one really likes him: "Well, Sir, since I'm no longer wanted or needed here, I respectfully request permission to join one of the teams headed for the Alpha site, at least for..."
Hammond, really ticked: "Permission denied. The idea is to send the best and brightest, Colonel. When the time comes you will stand alongside the men and women of this command in defense of this facility."
Samuels: "But, Sir..."
Hammond: "I ask no more or less of myself. Dismissed."O'Neill: "Alright, here's what we do..."
Bra'tac: "I will lead. You will follow."
O'Neill: "Right."Bra'tac: "The shield generators are far below. There, in the very bowels of the ship. We must climb down several decks, through the length of the ship, then taking our weapons we must...." He stops as O'Neill drops two grenades and the shield generators go boom.
O'Neill: "Grenades."O'Neill: "I think what the Captain is asking is what now?"
Bra'tac: "Now we die."
O'Neill: "Well, that's a bad plan."O'Neill: "Carter, you and I'll go in first. We'll take up positions..." He stops as Bra'tac stares at him. "Never mind."
Bra'tac: "Observe." He rolls a grenade into the room with the Cool Flying Machines, and everyone falls conscious as it goes off. "Now that was a grenade."Bra'tac: "Human. Put this on."
O'Neill: "Will you please stop calling me 'human?'"Bra'tac, about himself: "Not bad for an old man."
Carter: "It's going to be a beautiful sunset, Sir."
O'Neill: "You know, Captain, this wasn't such a bad day after all."
Carter: "Not bad at all."
Bra'tac: "We die well, Teal'c."
Teal'c: "More than that, old friend. We die free."
O'Neill, seeing the Endeavor shuttle approaching: "Or not!"In the Line of Duty
O'Neill: "We're all going to live...or we're all going to die right here."Daniel: "What would a Goa'uld be doing in a Nassian man in the first place? I mean, we never noticed any of them acting Goa'uld...ish."
Teal'c: "Colonel O'Neill. When you speak to her, do not see your friend."
O'Neill: "How do you do that?"Jolinar: "They would not have killed me. I am too valuable."
O'Neill: "Which is exactly why we'll never let you go." O'Neill walks away.Teal'c: "There is an old legend among the Jaffa forbidden to speak of concerning a group of Goa'uld who oppose the ways of the System Lords. This group is called the Tok'ra. This Goa'uld claims to be part of that group."
O'Neill: "Can you be sure he is who he says he is?"
Teal'c: "I cannot."
Jolinar: "Unfortunately we do not carry identification."Jolinar: "Hear this. The days of the Goa'uld Systems Lords are numbered. Tell them I died with hope. My death only feeds the fire that burns strong in the Tok'ra."
Teal'c: "I am sorry, Daniel Jackson." He shoots him with a nasty little zat gun, kills the Ashrak, and comes over by Daniel who is twitching in pain. "Are you injured?"
Daniel: "Dumb question. But thank you. I think."
Teal'c: "You are welcome."
Daniel: "Just don't ever do that again."O'Neill: "You did it, Sam. You won."
Carter: "Wasn't me."
O'Neill: "Oh yes it was. You hung in there, you beat it."
Carter: "The Goa'uld gave its life for me. It saved me."Prisoners
O'Neill: "Alright, Kids, we're due back. Unless you can tell me you've discovered something earth shattering I'm ready to bag this one."
Daniel: "We practically just got here. We have no idea what this planet has to offer."
O'Neill: "Trees and moss."Taldor: "You are prisoners."
O'Neill: "And...you are...?"
Daniel: "Justice...'Taldor' means justice....Just came to me."O'Neill, upon seeing their prison: "Well, this sucks."
O'Neill: "Teal'c, look scary and take point."
Daniel: "It's like we're in Botany Bay."
O'Neill: "What?"
Daniel: "Oh, the original name for Sydney Harbor. When the British first colonized Australia they turned it into a continental prison. It was half a world away. Of course, this is probably...more... than that..." He makes cute little hand motions trying to show just how big the prison is.
O'Neill: "It's ok, Daniel. It's ok."Convict, to Teal'c: "You are very strong, yes?"
Teal'c: "I am."
Convict: "Maybe you challenge Vishnor, maybe you win. Maybe...I be your friend?"
Teal'c: "Maybe not."Linea: "I've long believed that the best way to get knowledge is to give it."
Daniel, to Teal'c who's holding Vishnor against a wall by his neck: "Teal'c, I think he's had enough."
Teal'c: "If you once again try to physically harm myself or my companions, my patience with you will expire." He lets him go.
O'Neill, seeing Vishnor run away: "Well, Teal'c, making friends, are you?"Daniel: "What happened?"
O'Neill: "Well, you actually won a fight, Danny Boy."
Daniel: "I don't particularly remember getting the upper hand."
Carter: "Neither do I but you must have."
Daniel: "P2A 509."
O'Neill: "Little brain damage along the way?"
Daniel: "No, uh, SG-3 was scheduled to go on a mission to P2A 509. General Hammond said so in our last planning briefing. We rendezvous with SG-3 and we use their remote transmitters to get home."
O'Neill: "And this just...came to you?"
Daniel: "No, this came to me while I was suffocating."O'Neill: "Linea, do they send food...and I'll use that term loosely...does it come through the gate on a regular basis?"
Linea, upon seeing the Gate Room: "I've never seen such a place. It seems so...alien."
Teal'c: "So it was for me. Over time it has become...home."O'Neill, debriefing their adventure: "Of course, that was about the time Daniel picked a fight with this strong...smelly guy. He actually won."
Linea: "Thank you for your kindness. All debts have now been paid."
The Gamekeeper
Carter: "This is beautiful."
O'Neill: "But where there's a garden, there's snakes."
Daniel: "And flowers." He sneezes. "Way too many flowers."Carter: "I like what they've done with the place."
O'Neill, seeing one of the natives in the VR machine: "I'm not sure I like what the place has done to them."Keeper, to O'Neill: "I am the Keeper."
O'Neill: "The keeper of what?"
Keeper: "The keeper of all that is around you. All that is, and all that might be."Daniel: "Who are you?"
Keeper: "Why, I am the Keeper, of course."
Daniel: "The keeper of...?"
Keeper: "The keeper of all that is, was and will be in this place."
Carter: "Where exactly are we?"
Keeper: "I believe you call this the New York Museum of Art."Daniel, seeing his parents die for the third time: "DAMN YOU. Stop this game, NOW!"
Keeper: "Whatever for? You haven't explored all of your options yet."
Daniel: "Well, obviously my options are infinite and my solutions are zero. Now STOP IT..." He realizes something. "I won't play any more."
Keeper: "Ah, but you will. You will."
Carter: "Daniel..."
Daniel: "No."
Keeper: "You must try another alternative."
Daniel: "No."
Keeper: "You would allow your parents to suffer this awful death?"
Daniel: "I won't play your game."
Keeper: "You are indeed an obstinate race."Teal'c: "What is this place?"
Daniel: "Oh, it's the New York Museum of Art."Keeper: "You have both been given challenges to be met and conquered. You have it in you--why will you not partake?!"
O'Neill: "Why will you just not let us go?"
Keeper: "Go where? Where would you like to go? I can take you anywhere you can remember, anywhere you can imagine."
O'Neill: "Ok. We want to go free."O'Neill: "Ok, General, without meaning, this time, to sound like a smartass, are you cracked?"
O'Neill: "Ok, that's enough. Let's just have a little look here, shall we?" He pushes Hammond's ear.
Hammond: "What are you doing, Colonel?"
O'Neill: "Oh, I'm looking for the edges of a mask!
Hammond: "What?"
O'Neill: "You're obviously not the real General Hammond."
Hammond: "Sit down, Colonel!"
O'Neill: "I don't think so, Bucko. The jigs up, we're onto you."
Hammond: "What are you talking about?"
Carter: "We're still on P7J 989."
O'Neill: "Oh, you betcha. This is just a new game, brought to you by our good friend..." he pats Hammond's head "...the Keeper."Hammond: "Are you going back in or not, Colonel?"
O'Neill: "I'm already in!"Daniel: "Where are we going?"
O'Neill: "Back through the Gate to show them what their planet looks like..." Daniel stares at him expectantly, "...in our memories..." Daniel continues to stare at him, "...before the Virtual Reality... Leave me alone."Keeper: "They are ruining everything! Do you know they are actually picking the flowers?"
O'Neill, to Daniel: "This is real this time, isn't it?"
Keeper: "Do not pull that! You are ruining the garden. I told you they would ruin everything. First the garden, next the entire planet!"
O'Neill and Daniel: "It's real."Need
O'Neill, as Daniel runs off again: "I wish he'd stop doing that."Jaffa: "On your knees."
O'Neill: "No, actually I've got this cartilage problem, little ACL thing..." The Jaffa hits him with his staff weapon. "That helps."Carter: "Lately, I get this weird feeling when I'm near Teal'c."
O'Neill: "Hey, who doesn't?"Jaffa: "You will meet your quota for the day or you will not eat."
O'Neill: "You know, I've seen an awful lot of union violations around here. I should probably speak to your supervisor."
Jaffa hits them: "You will work."
O'Neill, on his knees: "Hi ho hi ho, back to work."Shyla: "You know of the sarcophagus?"
Daniel: "Yeah, I've...I've used one before. Couple of times too many if you ask me."O'Neill, after drinking a cup full of mud: "I've had worse."
Shyla: "I know you must've seen much in your travels, but...surely you've never seen anything quite so beautiful. We call them trees."
Daniel: "Ah! Uh, so do we."Daniel: "I don't...I don't want to spoil this little repoir we seem to have going here...."
Shyla: "That sounds almost romantic."
Daniel: "Oh boy, ok, um, here's the thing. Look, I am very grateful to you that you saved my life and that you want to help me free my friends, but I'm sensing that you did it because your, ah..."
Shyla: "Because you're my destiny."
Daniel: "Whuah....What?"
Shyla: "Before she died, my mother-in-law used to come out here and take long walks at night. You can see every star in the sky through the treetops."
Daniel: "No, see, about the destiny thing?"
Shyla: "She used to tell me how a great man would come from beyond the sun, just for me."
Daniel: "Oh boy."
Shyla: "I had come to believe my mother was wrong. That my true love would never come. I stood on that cliff and I wished one last time. At exactly the right moment you were there to save me, Daniel Jackson. You cannot deny that is fate."Daniel: "Hi guys."
Carter: "Daniel!"
O'Neill: "Well. It's suprisingly difficult to kill you, isn't it?"O'Neill: "What's with the dress?"
Daniel: "Oh! Ah, they're royal robes." (What's with his smile there?! Our Daniel...bragging?) "Ah, long story short, they have a sarcophagus. Um, the princess put me in it and saved my life because she has, ah, a crush on me."
Carter: "A crush?"
Daniel: "Yeah. Actually, she thinks I'm her destiny, the whole saving her life thing. I guess she was grateful after all."Daniel, about SG-1: "I don't think you're understanding what they mean to me."
Daniel, about the sarcophagus: "And I've used it before without any side effects. And look! No glasses!"
Carter: "That looks like a side effect to me."O'Neill: "Alright, look...."
Daniel, his voice rising three levels in intensity: "No, you look, Jack!!! I have everything under control, ok? God, you never show me any respect! Your way didn't work. Now I'm handling it. All you have to do is hang in there!"O'Neill, seeing Daniel reclining lazily on a throne: "The man who would be king."
Shyla: "He will come back to me. He can't live without me."
O'Neill: "We had a nice time, Sir. Carter picked up some Naquada. Teal'c made some new friends as usual. Daniel got engaged. And, um, I'm gonna hit the showers."
O'Neill, cornering Daniel in the storage room where Daniel just shot a light out with a gun: "Geez, dammit! Daniel! Are you trying to kill me?"
Daniel: "You're trying to kill me."
O'Neill: "There'll be guards here in thirty seconds."
Daniel: "I'm going back."
O'Neill: "You don't have to! Fraiser says you're getting better."
Daniel: "You're lying!"
O'Neill: "Why would I do that?!" Daniel rushes him, and they fight for a few minutes. Daniel turns out to be really strong with that sarcophagus drug in him. Finally Daniel gets the gun and aims it at O'Neill.
O'Neill: "Daniel! God...What're you going to do, Daniel? Do you want to kill me?" O'Neill seems to recognize something in Daniel's appearance and behavior, and his voice softens. "Look at you. I know what this is. I know what it's like. You can get through it..." Daniel finally breaks down crying, and O'Neill pulls him into the infamous hug.Thor's Chariot
O'Neill: "Um, you all know I take great pride in my title as Mr. Positive. However, we did destroy their de-Goa'ulding thing. Might not they look unkindly on that?"O'Neill: "General, if we did screw up their world, we should take a little responsibility for fixing it, don't you think?"
Hammond: "I understand that. But let me play devil's advocated for a moment here. It's not our world. Is it really any of our concern?"
Teal'c: "The destruction of the hammer device to save my life may have caused this. If so, I am responsible."
O'Neill: "General, I gave the order."
Daniel: "And I fired the staff at the machine."
Carter: "And I...was there."O'Neill, seeing some really cool expandable pyramids: "Ho. Now that is no weekend hunting lodge."
O'Neill to Carter who's pointing a ribbon device at him: "Hey! Hey, watch where you're pointing that thing."
Teal'c: "These probably guard the Goa'uld Heru-ur."
O'Neill: "And he'd be Ra's what? Cousin? Uncle? What?"
Teal'c: "He is the son of Ra. And of Hathor."
O'Neill: "Nice pedigree."Daniel: "What happened? Did you run into Apophis?"
O'Neill: "Not exactly."
Teal'c: "It was the Goa'uld called Heru-ur."
Daniel: "You're kidding."
O'Neill: "Friend of yours?"
Daniel: "Horus the Elder, an ancient Egyptian god. Pretty mean one, especially considering the fact that his parents were Ra and Hathor..."
O'Neill: "We know."Daniel: "Well, I guess we'll just have to hole up in here awhile while things calm down."
Teal'c: "They will not calm down, Daniel Jackson. They will in fact calm up."
O'Neill: "He means things will escalate, of course."Daniel: "Guys, there's a third option here we might want to consider. There's a legend around here about a Hall of Thor's Might."
O'Neill: "Daniel, there's a time and a place for mythology."Gairwyn, leading Carter and Daniel to a post in the middle of the forest: "This is it."
Daniel: "This is the Hall of Might?"
Gairwyn: "You were expecting something different?"
Daniel: "Well, ah, uh, maybe a hall...."Carter, after a cool beam comes out of the post and takes them to a really dark place: "Daniel?"
Daniel: "Wow, what a ride."
Gairwyn: "Where are we?"
Daniel, turning on a flashlight directly in his eyes: "Ack!" He shines the flashlight around the room. "Well, this is a step in the right direction. At least it fits the definition of the word 'hall'..."Carter: "It's just a holographic recording. It's being projected through that hole in the ceiling."
Daniel: "Oh, yeah, if you say so..."
Carter: "So...what does it mean?"
Daniel: "I'm not sure. Maybe somehow we have to prove that we're worthy before he'll trust us with his might."
Carter: "Which you still think is a weapon."
Daniel: "I'm hoping so at this point."Daniel, as the floor drops away and a very thin bridge appears over the hole: "Oh, this is definitely a test."
Carter: "So, uh, we're supposed to go across this."
Daniel: "I don't suppose this is the best time to bring up my problems with heights..."Carter: "Ok, well, uh, we had to cross a bridge way worse than this in basic training."
Daniel: "Please, be my, be my guest."
Carter: "Of course we had a net..."Olaf: "We must fight!"
O'Neill, dragging him away: "Yeah, yeah, yeah."Daniel: "I have no idea what he wants us to do."
Thor?: "There is no shame. Perhaps in more time you will have come of age..."
Daniel, using some really cute hand gestures: "Ah, excuse me, could you, ah, just...one second."Carter: "Daniel, this is uncanny. It looks just like the descriptions of the Roswell Grays back home."
Daniel: "I guess there's some truth to those stories after all."
Carter: "You think the Asgards may have visited Earth?"
Daniel: "Why not?"O'Neill, as Carter and Daniel are returning: "Well, that's timing for ya. The party's about to begin."
O'Neill: "Daniel, you look suspiciously empty-handed."
Daniel: "...yer, yeah..."
O'Neill: "Yeh yeh yeah, what?!"
Daniel: "There's nothing, Jack."
O'Neill: "Nothing."
Carter: "We did meet the real Thor."
O'Neill: "Did you, now? Nice fella?"Daniel: "Before they rode into battle the Sioux used to say 'This is a good day to die.'" O'Neill glares at him. There's a bunch of thunder. "Then again, maybe not."
O'Neill, as the clouds clear and a super-duper cool spaceship appears: "Oh, my."
Daniel: "Ladies and gentlemen, I think this is Thor's chariot."Message In a Bottle
Carter: "This is incredible. If Daniel is right this artifact has been doing this since Neanderthals were still a dominant species on Earth."
O'Neill: "Ah, that takes me back."O'Neill: "What does it do?"
Carter: "Well, it's maintaining an interior temperature of 33 degrees Fahrenheit, it's generating an electromagnetic field, and emitting small amounts of alpha, gamma, and delta radiation."
O'Neill: "Well, I know that. Why does it do that?"Carter: "You think it might be a booby trap?"
Teal'c: "Booby?"Hammond: "Did everything go as planned, Colonel?"
O'Neill: "Oh, one small step, one giant leap, that kinda stuff, Sir."Carter: "Well, we can add two more elements to the periodic table. Lieutenant, I'd like to record this."
Graham: "Whatever you say, Captain."
Carter: "Try to relax, Graham, or it's going to be a long day."
Daniel, quietly and with a silly grin plastered to his face: "I don't think it's the artifact. He gets like that every time he's around you. Maybe a crush."
Graham: "We're recording...now."
Carter: "Thank you, Lieutenant." Graham gets very uncomfortable.
Daniel: "Oops. Hey! The artifact! Notice the writing...."Daniel: "Ok. Up until now I've been sorta going on the assumption that this is a...sort...of page one. It's relatively isolated from the other groupings. Now, I'm thinking it's numerical."
Carter: "Maybe the basis of their mathematics."
Daniel, playing 'Fun with Pencils': "Right. That's what I thought. So, if these smaller symbols represent exponents..."
Carter: "Then this sequence grows exponentially to become a...very big number."
Daniel: "Right. And that is...information I can't use." He smiles and throws the pencils.
O'Neill: "Good morning, Campers! Sleep well? I did."
Daniel: "Oh, it can't be morning!"
O'Neill: "Ah, but it is! We ship out at..." he looks at his watch "Oh! Thirteen hundred hours." Carter stares at him in disbelief.
Daniel: "Ok, Jack, talk to General Hammond."
O'Neill: "Nope. I want you both rested and ready to go. That's an order."
Carter: "Yes, Sir."
Daniel: "Jack, come on."
O'Neill: "Daniel. SG-1 is a field unit. You know that. Can't have it both ways. When we get back you can..." he makes some cute hand motions "...visit."Teal'c, as the orb grows some nasty looking spikes: "It does not wish to be removed."
O'Neill: "Well that's too damn bad."Hammond: "The NID people want to see it."
Carter: "Even knowing what it's done to the Colone?"
Daniel: "Especially knowing what it's done to the Colonel."Daniel: "General, I don't know what to say. I wanted the artifact to be something wonderful."
Hammond: "You have nothing to apologize for, Son. We've brought things back from all over the galaxy. One of them's finally snapped us in the ass."Teal'c: "The symbiote I carry appears to protect me."
O'Neill: "Way to go, Junior."O'Neill: "Teal'c. You don't have to stick around."
Teal'c: "Undomesticated equines could not remove me."
O'Neill: "Wild horses, Teal'c...it's..." Finally it hits him. "That's a joke. You told a joke. Don't make me laugh."
Teal'c: "Very well."
O'Neill: "You're a good man, my friend."
Teal'c: "As are you, my friend."Fraiser, to Carter who discovered her plan of removing the oxygen was kinda working: "Well, don't jump up and down now or you'll ge my other patients excited."
Daniel: "Come here."
Officer: "Who?"
Daniel: "What? Anybody. Just come here.Hammond: "Assuming you're right, what are they trying to communicate?"
Daniel: "Well, they could be saying 'Take me to your leader' for all I know. I have no idea."O'Neill: "Nice work."
Teal'c: "It is good to see you alive and well, O'Neill."
Daniel: "Welcome back, Jack."
Carter: "We thought you were gone for good, Sir."
O'Neill: "Wild horses, Captain."Family
Hammond: "There's no one scheduled to return today. Did you get an iris code?"
Female Technician: "Yes, Sir, we did. From SG-1." The camera closes up on each of the SG-1 members...in the control room.
O'Neill: "Hi. How are ya."Bra'tac: "Hammond of Texas. Will you give me leave to enter your compound?"
O'Neill: "Bra'tac. Greeetings...from Earth."
Bra'tac: "Hmm. Hassock."
O'Neill, as Bra'tac practically ignores him and walks away. "I take it this isn't...a...social call."O'Neill: "If we can pull this off, Sir, we can grab Teal'c's son and nail this mother..." he catches himself "...Goa'uld in one sweep."
Fro'tac: "I am Fro'tac of the high cliffs."
O'Neill: "Jack, of the windy city."O'Neill: "Look, I just want to know if this guy Fro'tac can be trusted not to turn us in."
Teal'c, fuming: "Is it not obvious, O'Neill? He cannot be trusted."
O'Neill: "Well, no offense, Teal'c, but I don't think that assessment is born of a cool head. What do you think, Bra'tac?"
Bra'tac: "Fro'tac is one of Teal'cs oldest confidants. Both were my wards in the Bassak training. He has indicated many times he agrees with my beliefs that the Goa'uld are false gods."
O'Neill: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can he be trusted?"
Bra'tac: "I believe so, yes. But I suggest we keep a close eye on him at all times."Bra'tac: "Before we proceed, give you your word that you will not commit del mar hokim."
Teal'c, unhappily: "I give you my word."
Bra'tac: "Then I will retrieve Fro'tac and your wife. And we will begin planning fr the rescue of your son."
O'Neill, quietly to Daniel: "Del mar hokim?"
Daniel: "It means something like 'revenge by the wearer of horns,' which I'm guessing is a Jaffa term for being a...cuckhold."
O'Neill: "Hello."Bra'tac: "Apophis is about to address the people of Chu'lac."
Carter: "Well, this should be interesting."O'Neill, to Teal'c upon hearing that there's a 1,000,000 sheshka bounty on his head: "Well, you've got a price on your head, you're doing your job."
O'Neill, wearing a serpent guard uniform: "No wonder these guys are always cranky. Let me out of this thing."
Daniel: "Jack, where the hell have you been?"O'Neill: "Kinda sounds like anthrax."
Fraiser: "This stuff makes anthrax look like a cold virus."Secrets
Daniel: "Good father, I ask your forgiveness. I have returned without your daughter."
Kasuf: "So it is."
Daniel: "I fear my search will continue for many seasons." (Wink wink at the audience, eh?)O'Neill: "You know, I can navigate my way across a galaxy, but I get lost every time I come to Washington."
Carter: "Don't worry, Sir. These are my old stomping grounds."
O'Neill: "Sorry to hear that." (Of course, the tape version of this conversations says "My condolences" right here....BIG oops!!!)
Carter: "Two years at the Pentagon trying to make the Stargate program a reality. I'd say it was time well spend, considering."
O'Neill: "Ya think?"Carter: "I see the General is already doing the rounds."
O'Neill: "Oh yeah." He snaps his fingers a couple times. "He's a player. He knows how to play the room."Hammond: "Colonel Jack O'Neill...Jacob Carter."
O'Neill: "Carter. As in...?"
Carter: "As in my father, Sir, yes."
O'Neill: "Get outta town. Sam's dad? I've heard nothing about you, Sir."
Jacob: "What's there to say about an old General waiting to retire?"
Carter: "Dad, I talk about you all the time."
O'Neill: "I retired myself one time. Couldn't stay away."
Jacob: "From your analysis of deep space radar telemetry?"
O'Neill: "Well, it's just so damn fascinating."
Jacob: "Oh, I'm sure it is. Otherwise you wouldn't be receiving the air medal."
O'Neill: "We have our moments. Um, will you excuse me? We just don't get out of Cheyenne Mountain enough. I'm going to go grab some fresh air. General, Captain, General...waiter!"Sha're: "You hate me."
Daniel: "No. No, I love you."
Sha're: "Will you fogive me?"
Daniel: "Oh, God." He walks over to her and hugs her. "There's nothing to forgive."
Sha're: "I'm so ashamed."
Daniel: "I hate what's been done to you. I hate what Apophis plans for the child growing inside of you. Look at me. I love you. Everything else....I love you."Armin: "When this breaks you're going to be a hero."
O'Neill: "Cool."O'Neill: "Alright, if you're going to go ahead with it, I want to make sure you get one thing right. It's 'O'Neill' with two 'L's' There's another Colonel O'Neil with only one 'L'--he has no sense of humor at all."
Daniel: "Look at me. Look at me! I love you. I will always love you. Do you understand? The Goa'uld will never be able to take that away from us. Do you understand that? Never."
Hammond: "Colonel Jack O'Neill, Captain Samantha Carter, you have distinguished yourself by heroism involving voluntary risk of life. Against impossible odds and with only the help of your team members Teal'c and Dr. Daniel Jackson you destroyed both Goa'uld spacecraft which were poised to attack this world. Your exemplayr courage and heroism reflect that great credit on yourself and on the United States Air Force."
Carter: "Thank you, Sir."
Hammond: "I'm only sorry the accident made it impossible for the President himself to do this."
Carter: "I beg to differ, Sir. It's an honor to receive it from you."Heru-Ur: "You are nothing. Your world is nothing. Once I have conquered Apophis I will make slaves of your people. You will serve me."
Daniel: "No, I don't think so."Heru-Ur: "You dare challenge me!"
O'Neill: "I was thinking about it."O'Neill: "Someone explain to me what just happened."
Teal'c: "It is a lengthy tale, O'Neill."
O'Neill: "Long story, Teal'c."Carter: "Good think you remembered the shield's deflection capability is directly proportional to the amount of kinetic energy directed at it."
O'Neill: "Right."Bane
Daniel, seeing a swarm of bugs: "Uh, we better get out of here."
O'Neill: "No, really?"
Daniel: "No, really!!!"O'Neill, about Mayborne: "General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap out of this man."
Carter: "All I'm saying is that, notwithstanding what happened to Teal'c, there may be valuabel technology on that planet."
O'Neill: "Carter, there are bugs on that planet. Big, huge, ugly, honking bugs."Mayborne: "Striking an officer is a quick way to a court martial."
O'Neill: "Oh, I'm not going to strike you, Mayborne. I'm going to shoot you."O'Neill: "Pack your bug spray, Kids."
Punk: "Check this dude out. Hey man, where are you going? Hey, cool tattoo, man, where'd you get that?"
Teal'c: "Chu'lac."
Punk: "'Chu'lac'? Where's that? East side?"
Teal'c: "Remove yourself from my path."
Punk: "Listen to this guy. I'll remove myself when you tell me how to do tattoos like that in Chu'lac."
Teal'c: "The skin is cut with an Orack knife, and pure molten gold is poured into the wound."
Punk: "Ow...don't that hurt when they do that?"
Teal'c, picking up the punk by his throat and moving him: "Tremendously."Teal'c, about Ally's chocolate bar: "Can you get more?"
Ally: "Maybe. What's in it for me?"
Teal'c: "Peanuts and caramel."Ally: "Don't sweat it."
Teal'c: "I cannot prevent it."Ally, to Teal'c: "What planet are you from?"
Teal'c: "I am dangerous."
Ally: "No way. You won't hurt me."
Teal'c: "How can you know this?"
Ally: "I got the sense. My old man gave it to me. He was a cop. He could tell who the bad guys were just by smelling them."Ally: "Listen, you're a sitting duck down here."
Teal'c: "And ducks are bad?"
Ally: "Ah, the sitting kind are."O'Neill: "So the race is on."
Ally: "I ain't seen nobody, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you."
Mayborne: "Oh? Why's that?"
Ally: "Because I don't like the way you smell."O'Neill, about the dying Goa'uld: "It's too bad you can't zap it with those paddles, like they do on 'ER.' That guy that...what?"
Ally, seeing Teal'c covered in weird cocoon-like stuff: "This is like serious alien stuff going on here."
Fraiser, about the Goa'uld larva: "It's getting better."
Carter: "It was so simple."
O'Neill: "Well, I guess my work here is done."Daniel: "It can't be easy when the thing you despise most about yourself is what saved your life."
O'Neill: "Hey. Even I'm happy he's got the snake."Hammond: "Mayborne has ordered the insect specimen and all related research tranfered to the Area 51 facility."
O'Neill: "I should've shot him."Ally: "Teal'c! Hi!"
Teal'c: "Greetings, Ally."
Ally: "You're ok!"
Teal'c: "Thanks to you, I am feeling much better."
Ally: "Aw, man, it was no sweat. You look way better. I guess you can't really tell me what happened, all that top-secret James Bond stuff, right?"
Teal'c: "That is correct. To show you my gratitude, I have brought you a new weapon, one with increased range and firepower."
Ally: "Wicked! This is sooo cool! Have any time to play?"
Daniel: "Ah, actually...." Ally shoot Teal'c, then runs away. "Guess we shouldn't have loaded it, huh?"
Teal'c, putting on some cool black glasses: "How else will she defend herself?" He shoots Daniel, then runs after Ally.
Daniel: "How else?"Tok'ra Part 1
O'Neill: "So we're supposed to buy into this...ESP or whatever it is?"Daniel: "Now, you said their eyes glowed. Are you really sure that these Tok'ra are what Jolinar said they were? I mean, good guys, for lack of a better word?"
Carter: "Yes."
O'Neill: "Yes. Just 'yes?' Could you elaborate a little?"
Carter: "I'm sorry, Colonel. I know it's hard to understand. I don't really understand it myself but I am sure. I...I just know."
Teal'c: "According to Jaffa legend, the Tok'ra are the Goa'uld resistance. Their stated goal is the destruction of the System Lords and a change in the ways of the empire. They are hunted and despised by the Goa'uld."
O'Neill: "Yes! My kind of guys."O'Neill, coming through the Stargate and seeing a bunch of...sand: "Ah, where's that yellow brick road when you need it, eh Dorothy?"
Carter: "Some dunes over there."
O'Neill: "Dunes it is."O'Neill: "No one's tread here in awhile."
Teal'c: "The Tok'ra are known for their ability to master trails. They are, as you say, stealthy in their actions." Suddenly a bunch of people pop up out of the dunes and point some weapons at them.
Daniel: "Yeah, stealthy would be a good word, Teal'c."O'Neill, about their standoff with the Tok'ra: "You know, in some galaxies, this is called 'loitering.'"
Daniel, about an alliance with the Tok'ra: "That's why we're here to seek out the Tok'ra."
O'Neill: "Assuming, of course, you are the Tok'ra."
Cordesh: "And if we're not?"
O'Neill: "Well, I guess we all start shooting. There's blood, death, hard feelings. It'd suck."O'Neill: "Take me to your leader."
Garshaw: "Were you among those who rid the galaxy of the supreme System Lord Ra?"
O'Neill: "Yup. That's us. That, that...yeah, we're those."
Garshaw: "Then, in a sense, you are Tok'ra."
Daniel, suddenly "getting it": "Of course! Tok'ra. Tok...Tok'ra. Against...against Ra. Thank you for...sharing that."
O'Neill: "We still don't know what to call her."
Garshaw: "Oh, we too are Tok'ra."
O'Neill: "Finally!"Cordesh: "And why should we trust you?"
O'Neill: "You know something? I've been asking myself the same damn question. Why should we trust you? You are, after all, Goa'uld."
Daniel: "Jack..."
O'Neill, lifting his finger to silence Daniel: "Ack! Don't. We've done nothing but get interrogated here. Now, are we prisoners and are you Goa'uld?"
Daniel, also lifting his finger cutely: "Ja..." He stops himself.
O'Neill, with yet more finger motion: "Ah."
Garshaw: "You are not, and I have told you we are not Goa'uld." Her voice is definitely Goa'uldish and her eyes glow.
O'Neill: "Alright then...why do you talk like that? And what's with the glowing eyes, huh? Might it have something to do with a little reptilian activity in your heads?"Daniel: "Why would any human volunteer for...for...that?"
Yosef: "Well, with the blending I gain all of Garshaw's knowledge, her wisdom. More than any human could...could ever attain. And my life span is twice what it would be without the blending. And for all this, all I have to do is share my physical body."
O'Neill: "So you've kinda got a little Faustian deal going here, seeing your soul for immortality."O'Neill, to Martuth who's about to take Carter on a little walk: "Ok, Son. But I want you to have her back by 11 o'clock. You understand?"
Carter: "I am curious. What...what was Jolinar's host like?"
Martuth: "Jolinar's host, Rosha, was very beautiful. She had eyes like the oceans of Marnoon, hair was the color of sand on Abydos, and her smile was...was as infectious as laughter. In fact, Rosha looked very much like you, Captain Carter. You are very beautiful."Daniel, to Garshaw who won't let SG-1 go back home: "You want them to think that we're dead."
O'Neill: "Well, that kinda sucks."Tok'ra Part 2
O'Neill: "The good news is there's eight of us now."
Daniel: "That's good news?"
O'Neill: "Yes. More manpower."
Teal'c: "Is this another of your strange jokes, Teal'c?"
O'Neill: "Ah, no."Hammond: "Jacob knows a lot about Earth, about the U.S. Military. This would be like handing over that information to the Goa'uld."
Carter: "To the Tok'ra."
Hammond: "Are you sure there's a difference?"
O'Neill: "Oh yes, Sir. There's a difference, believe me. I won't even pretend to understand what the difference is but there is one. One minute you're talking to a Goa'uld, the next minute you're talking to a regular...guy...person..."
Carter: "Host."
O'Neill: "A host."
Hammond: "How do you know it isn't just a trick? We've seen the Goa'ulds speak as humans before."
O'Neill: "Well, General, if these were your everyday run-of-the-mill greasy-assed Goa'uld, they would've made us their hosts already."
Hammond: "They were holding you prisoner, Colonel. Still are holding SG-3 and the rest of your team."
Carter: "Only temporarily, Sir. And they thought it was to protect us as much as them."
O'Neill: "Yeah...I didn't buy into that one myself, Sir."Carter: "Believe it or not we need your help, Dad."
Jacob, laughing, then coughing: "What? Pentagon needs me to deliver a message to God when I get up there?"
Hammond: "Not exactly."
Jacob: "Well, I don't plan to see the other guy."
Carter: "Dad, have you ever heard of the Stargate program?"
Jacob: "No. Is that one of your satellites?"
Carter: "I don't work with satellites, Dad. That was just a cover."
Jacob: "No kidding. I never would've guessed.Jacob: "Holy Hannah!"
O'Neill, to Jacob as he sees the Stargate in operation for the first time: "How 'bout them apples, huh?"
Jacob: "You sure this is another planet? It looks like Earth."
Teal'c, seeing the disappearing tunnels: "Chelnak!"
Daniel: "Loose translation, very cool."Selmak: "If you agree to the blending, we could be together for a very long time." She starts coughing.
Jacob: "You don't look so good."
Selmak: "You aren't all vision of beauty yourself, Sir." Jacob laughs, then coughs as Selmack is also coughing...a sad yet rather humorous scene.Sharush: "Selmak is a wonderful Tok'ra. She is selfless and caring, she is good company, she has a wonderful sense of humor."
Carter: "Well, that's good, Dad. You can sit around for hours cracking yourself up."Carter: "Dad, you don't have to do this."
Jacob: "Oh yes I do. My only other choice is death. And that is unacceptable."O'Neill, to Daniel and Teal'c: "You guys stay here." He leaves.
Daniel: "We'll...stay here."Selmak: "If I am to spend the next 100 or more years with you as my host, do you not think I have the right to decide if I even like you?"
Jacob, laughing: "What's not to like? Ask my daughter. I'm a teddy bear."
Carter: "Oh yeah, real...teddy bear."Selmak: "I have decided I like you!"
Jacob: "So when the little fellow inside me's talkin', do I sound like she does?"
Teal'c: "That is correct."
Jacob: "Strange. I can feel myself talking, but it's not me saying the words. You know?"
O'Neill: "Don't know. Take your word for it."Garshaw: "Do you not have a dialing device here?"
O'Neill: "Yeah, we slapped a little one together."
Garshaw: "Hmmm. You made it yourself. Impressive."Jacob: "It's ironic, ain't it?"
Carter: "What?"
Jacob: "I was trying to find you a better assignment and you didn't need it. Now you found me the best assignment an old soldier could dream of. Thanks, Captain."
Carter: "You're welcome. Do you have to go so soon?"
Jacob: "Yeah. Apparently, I am the oldest and wisest among us."
Carter, laughing: "Oh geez."Jacob: "Oh, Selmak says, let me see if I can translate this. Don't call us. We'll call you."
Spirits
O'Neill: "Hi, Kids."
Carter: "We're about ready to ship out, Sir. You going to be ok?"
O'Neill: "I'm not dead, Captain. Just grounded for a few days."
Carter: "You know, if the bullet-proof glass hadn't slowed it down...."
O'Neill: "Oh, please. Aliens are always poking me full of holes."
Carter: "Right."Hammond: "Obviously, we're started our relations on the wrong foot."
O'Neill: "But that's so rare, Sir."O'Neill, to Carter: "Your first command. Cool."
Teal'c: "I found no sign of struggle at the blast site. However, a pair of footprints led me to two separate detonators. The first had been discharged. The second had not."
Carter: "So SG-11 was taken by surprise before the second charge went off."
Teal'c: "That was my first conclusion. But there were no footprints leading away from the mine. It is as if they disappeared where they were standing."
Daniel: "Creepy...."Carter: "Captain Samantha Carter, SGC."
Tonani: "Long name."Carter: "Ah, these are my friends. Dr. Daniel Jackson."
Tonani: "Doc?"
Daniel: "Daniel is fine."Teal'c: "The demon will cause you no harm. I give you my word."
Tonani: "Normally, that would mean a great deal to me. But how can I know the value of your word? We've only just met."Tonani: "They're not missing. They're with the spirits."
Daniel: "You mean, dead?"
Tonani: "Ah, no, no. With the spirits."
Carter: "Oh! The...spirits."Daniel: "Wait a minute. You're not going to perform a ceremonial dance or, or...something?"
Tonani: "My great great grandfather used to call the spirits that way. Then one day Ze'els just said 'call my name!' And that's what we do."Tonani, to Tekaya the wolf: "My, your coat shines beautifully today." The wolf just stares at them. "A little flattery couldn't hurt, Sam."
Carter, to the wolf: "My...what big eyes you have!"Tonani: "I thought you were going to show me your mining methods, George?"
Hammond: "We intend to, but first we need you to take a brief medical exam."
O'Neill: "George...?"
Hammond: "Tonani, this is Colonel Jack O'Neill."
Tonani: "Jack?"
O'Neill: "Yeah, that'll do."Daniel: "I'd also like to show you images of your ancestors."
Tonani: "Ancestors?"
Daniel: "Oh, yeah, yeah. This may come as a bit of a shock, but we believe that your great great great great great...great grandfather may have actually come from here."O'Neill: "Is anyone at the Pentagon or along the chain of command remotely concerned about their aboriginal rights, repeating history, that annoyingly pesky moral stuff?"
Tonani, as the alarm sounds throughout the base: "What's that sound mean, Daniel?"
Daniel: "It means that....it means that I'm going to show you a part of the base most people rarely get to see." He leads Tonani into the storage room.Daniel: "Anyway, like I was saying, um, this is a store room, and the reason we store things is so that we always have them on hand." He grabs a package of something like salt. "Like this."
Tonani: "Can I go home now?"
Daniel: "Ok, Tonani, I won't lie to you. There is a problem. We have to find Jack."
Tonani: "Ok." He glances around the room. "He's not in here."
Daniel: "Right."Daniel, seeing Teal'c hold a zat gun at him: "Jack?"
O'Neill: "Daniel?"
Daniel: "Are you you?"
O'Neill: "Yeah. You?"
Daniel: "What?"
O'Neill: "Never mind."O'Neill: "The fact is, we got caught plotting behind closed doors. Now, I don't know how we're going to convince them our word is good for squat. I mean, my god we shot that one. We come across any more of them I don't think it's going to be a very long conversation."
Daniel: "Ok, well we can still appeal to the elders. Tell them what happened."
O'Neill: "You mean, 'fess up? Yeah, ok."Daniel: "Tekaya, before you make me disappear or...bite me...just hear me out." She transforms into that person with gills. Teal'c attempts to fire at them, he disappears. Tekaya raises her hands to make Daniel disappear. "Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! I know where Ze'els is!"
Daniel, to O'Neill who raised his gun to shoot Tekaya: "No! Jack, it's ok. Just let them tend to Ze'els."
O'Neill: "How do I know you're really Daniel?"
Daniel: "...Because."
O'Neill: "Yeah, ok."Touchstone
Hammond, about the Touchstone: "Do we have any idea what makes it tick?"
O'Neill: "That's why we'd like to go back, Sir. Carter wants to get a closer look with some of her specialized...doohickeys."
Hammond: "Doohickeys?"
O'Neill: "I believe that's the technical term, Sir."O'Neill, as the Medronian people prepare to attack them: "Hold it! Alright, we came here in peace, we expect to go in one..." he pauses, "...piece."
O'Neill: "Look, let me give you a little life lesson about thieves. They're not really in touch with their feminine side. Caring would be on a low...priority."
Roham: "How do we know that you will not use the gate to escape responsibility?"
O'Neill: "Trust us!"
Lemour: "We are a simple people, Colonel. We have no means to protect ourselves from this disaster. If my uncle decides to trust you this day, our entire future will depend on that decision."
O'Neill: "Ok, that's a little pressure. But we can handle that."O'Neill: "Anything yet?"
Carter: "Not on the Touchstone."
Daniel: "Possibly its effects. Have you been watching the Weather Channel?"
O'Neill: "I'm more of a C-SPAN guy."O'Neill, about timing the second Stargate's energy burst with the first's: "Kinda like shooting off a gun when a train's going by." Everyone stares at him blankly. "To hide the sound."
Carter: "Yes, Sir."Carter: "Bear with me."
O'Neill: "Bearing...."O'Neill: "Apparently, the second gate is being used."
Hammond: "What? I was given top-level assurance that gate was to be sealed."
O'Neill: "Case of the left hand not knowing what the right foot is doing, Sir?"O'Neill: "Permission to take a little trip to Nevada, Sir."
Hammond: "Ok, I'll call the commander at Nelles and get you cleared."
O'Neill: "General, it's become pretty obvious that our own people are invovled here. The government types, you know. How do you know who to trust?"
Hammond, after much thinking: "Colonel, I need some documents hand-delivered to the Groom Lake Facility."
O'Neill: "Are those documents sensitive enought to warrant a three-man team with a Jaffa escort, Sir?"
Hammond: "Absolutely."Major: "To your left is medical research. They're focusing on the potential new cure for Alzheimer's that SG-5 brought back. On the other side is geology, space metallurgy, and artifact study. That's where they're pouring over your notes on that Heliopolis place, Dr. Jackson. The meaning of life stuff. I love that!"
Major: "This way. This is the bioresearch lab."
O'Neill: "Is this where you're keeping the little green men?"
Major: "There are no alien life forms at Area 51."
O'Neill, to Teal'c: "Present company excluded, of course." They turn as Mayborne approaches.Mayborne: "Teal'c! It's good to see you well."
Teal'c, standing right in front of him: "In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you."
Mayborne, after Teal'c walks away: "Well, that's interesting."Carter: "Now, if we can't track the Touchstone, there may still be a way that we can track the second gate on Earth."
O'Neill: "Oh, sure. Let's just put out an APB for a huge, honkin' two-story metal ring with 39 little pictures all nicely engraved on it."Hammond: "Here we are, transporting our people across the galaxy to find something we lost in our own backyard. Incredible."
Season 2 Quotes are Continued Here
Season 2 Quotes - Part 2
("A Matter of Time" through "Out of Mind")Season 3 Quotes - Part 1
("Into the Fire" through "The Devil You Know")Season 3 Quotes - Part 2
("Foothold" through "Nemesis")
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