There are additional quotes on each of the episode reviews.
Children of the Gods
Hammond: "Me, I'm on my last tour. Time to start getting my thoughts together, maybe write a book. You ever think of writing a book about your exploits in the line of duty?"
O'Neill: "Ah, I've thought about it. But then I'd have to shoot anyone that actually read it." Neither Samuels nor Hammond laughs. "That's a joke, Sir."Hammond: "You didn't like Daniel Jackson, did you?"
O'Neill: "Daniel was a scientist. He sneezed a lot. Basically he was a geek, Sir."
Samuels: "So you didn't have a lot of time for him."
O'Neill: "I didn't say that. He also saved my life and found the way home for my men and me. A little thing like that kinda makes a person grow on you, if you know what I mean."Hammond: "Now what?"
O'Neill: "Now we wait. If Daniel's still around he'll know what the message means."
Samuels: "So what if the aliens get it?"
O'Neill: "Well, they could be blowing their noses right now."
Samuels: "They could be planning an attack."
O'Neill: "Oh, come on, Samuels. Let me be the cynic around here, ok?"Hammond: "Carter is our expert on the Stargate."
O'Neill: "Where's he transferring from?"
Carter: "She is transferring from the Pentagon. I take it you're Colonel O'Neill. Captain Samantha Carter reporting, Sir."
Kawalsky: "But of course you go by Sam."
Carter: "You don't have to worry, Major. I played with dolls when I was a kid."
Kawalsky: "G.I. Joe?"
Carter: "Oh, Major Matt Mason."
Kawalsky: "Oh. Who?"
Ferretti: "Major Matt Mason. Astronaut doll. Did you have that cool little backpack that made him fly?"O'Neill: "For those of you on your first time through the gate, you should be prepared for what to expect."
Carter: "I practically memorized your report from the first mission. I'd like to think I've been preparing for this my entire life."
Kawalsky: "I think was the Colonel is saying is, have you ever pulled out of a simulated bombing run in an F-16 at 8-plus Gs?"
Carter: "Yes."
Kawalsky, taken off guard: "Well...it's way worse than that."Carter: "I'm an Air Force officer just like you are, Colonel. And just because my reproductive organs are in the inside instead of the outside, doesn't mean I can't handle whatever you can handle."
O'Neill: "Oh, this has nothing to do with you being a woman. I like women. I've just got a little problem with scientists."
Carter: "Well, Colonel, I logged over 100 hours over enemy air space during the Gulf War. Is that tough enough for you...or are we going to have to arm wrestle?"O'Neill: "Captain?"
Carter: "Don't worry, Colonel. I won't let you down."
O'Neill: "Good. I was going to say ladies first."
Carter: "You know, you really will like me when you get to know me."
O'Neill: "Oh, I adore you already, Captain."Carter: "I think I'm going to be sick. Uhhhh..."
O'Neill: "Maybe you shouldn't have had that big lunch, huh?"Carter: "Amazing. This is what was missing from the dig at Giza. This is how they controlled it. It took us 15 years and 3 superconductors to MacGyver a system for the gate on Earth. Look how small it is!"
O'Neill: "Moonshine."
Skaara: "Moon...shine?"
O'Neill: "Yeah. Moonshine, as in booze. Daniel, what are you teaching these kids?" Daniel gives him an innocent glance.
Skaara: "Try it."
O'Neill: "Alright." He smells it, then "Moonshine. Shocker." He takes a sip, then spits it out. "WHOA!" Everyone laughs. "Smooth. Very smooth."
Skaara: "Moonshine!"
Kawalsky: "Our little soldiers are all grown up, Colonel."
O'Neill: "I'm so proud."Daniel: "Look, ah, I don't pretend to know anything about astrophysics but couldn't the planets change? I mean, ah, drift apart or something to throw this map off?"
Carter: "I knew I'd like you."
Daniel: "You mean I'm right?"Daniel: "Anyway. As soon as you were gone they realized they were free. I mean, Abydos was their world for the taking."
O'Neill: "Had a little party, did you?"
Daniel: "Oh yeah. A big, big party. They treated me like their savior. It was, uh, embarrassing."
O'Neill: "It's amazing you turned out so normal."
Daniel: "Well, if it wasn't for Sha're I probably..." He cuts himself off, thinking of Sha're. "She was the complete opposite of everyone else. She practically fell on the floor laughing every time I tried to do some chore they all took for granted. Like, um, grinding yafetta flour. I mean, have you ever tried to grind your own flour?"
O'Neill: "I'm trying to kick the flour thing."Carter: "So you're saying Ra's not the only one left of his race after all?"
Kawalsky: "Maybe he's got a brother Re."
O'Neill: "That's what we need."Hammond: "Major Kawalsky, you will head SG-2."
Kawalsky: "I will?"
Hammond: "Colonel O'Neill keeps telling me it's about time you had a command." Kawalsky stares at O'Neill.
O'Neill: "I had a moment of weakness."O'Neill: "Hold down the fort."
Kawalsky: "Bring me back a T-shirt."O'Neill, as Daniel runs off to meet the Goa'uld monks: "Oh for crying out loud."
Daniel, to the monks: "Hi."
O'Neill: "The man has not changed."
Daniel: "We just came through the Stargate...Chaapa'ai?"
Monk: "Chaapa'ai!" He and the rest fall to their knees.
Daniel: "No, please don't do that..."
O'Neill: "Friends of yours?"
Daniel, seeing O'Neill and Carter with their guns raised: "Unless we want to give ourselves a bad reputation, I think we should avoid shooting the first people we meet on a new planet."Daniel: "Chu'lac. Sounds good."
O'Neill: "I hear it's nice this time of year."Daniel bows as a horn sounds: "When in Rome..."
O'Neill, to Teal'c who's walking around the wreckage: "Hey, come on!"
Teal'c: "I have no where to go."
O'Neill: "For this you can stay at my place. Let's go!"The Enemy Within
O'Neill: "You know, I'm kinda partial to P3A 575. You don't mind taking P3A 577, do you?"
Kawalsky: "No, I'll take 577."
O'Neill: "I'm not married to it. I want to be fair about this. How 'bout we flip for it?"Kawalsky: "Man, those Goa'uld are persistent."
O'Neill: "I think we pissed them off."O'Neill: "Well, there've got to be worse ways to go."
Daniel: "You don't think the Goa'uld are sending people through, do you?"
O'Neill, shrugging: "Would be like bugs on a windshield."Daniel: "So this iris is going to hold, right?"
Carter: "Pure titanium, less than three micrometers from the event horizon. It won't even allow matter to fully reintegrate."
O'Neill: "So this iris is going to hold, right?"
Carter: "If it doesn't, the fail-safe device will detonate, this whole mountain will vaporize and there'll be nothing to worry about."
O'Neill: "Ah, good. I feel much better."O'Neill: "What's the bad news, General?"
Hammond: "Not much for small talk, are you, Colonel?"
O'Neill: "How was your weekend? Get a little fishing in?"O'Neill, about Goa'uld coming through the Gate: "Well, they'll be in for a surprise, huh?"
Teal'c: "Your iris will be closed."
O'Neill, shrugging: "Surprise."O'Neill: "We tend to be afraid of things we don't know."
Teal'c: "If I had killed you then, I would not be here now."
O'Neill: "Neither would I."Daniel: "So. The device should be on every planet we find. I studied the one on Abydos for months. It's sorta like a...a..."
Carter: "Telephone."
Daniel: "Telephone. I like that. In order to get back home all you have to do is...dial Earth. Which is what we're here to talk about. So...what is Major Kawalsky doing in the embarkation room?"Teal'c: "I offer my knowledge of the Goa'ulds. I offer my skills as a warrior to defeat them. I pledge my honor and my life to this world."
O'Neill: "Permission to barge in, Sir?"
Kennedy: "Colonel O'Neill. I was hoping to meet you. Your mission report from Chu'lac made for the most engrossing analysis of my career."
O'Neill: "Well, thanks. What was your favorite part?"O'Neill: "That's 'Teal'c' with an apostrophe C. T-E-A-L-'-C. Teal'c."
O'Neill, about the Goa'uld: "God, I hate those things."
Hammond: "As long as there's a snowball's chance in hell that my officer will come out of this procedure alive, we'll go ahead with it."
Kennedy: "With respect, General, I think I should take this to my superiors."
Hammond, laughing: "Me? I'll probably call the President and get approval right from the horse's mouth. But sure, you go right ahead, Colonel. Talk to your superiors."Kawalsky: "I want to wake up as me or not at all."
O'Neill, to Kawalsky after the surgery: "That's right, Dorothy. It was all a dream."
O'Neill, to Kawalsky who's drinking something: "Easy, big fella. You're not drinking for two anymore."
Kennedy: "I heard the operation was a complete success, Sir. Congratulations. I have my orders to return to Langly."
Hammond: "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out."Daniel: "Anyway, ah, Colonel Kennedy's probably going to want to take it with him so if you want to see it before he..."
Kawalsky: "You talking about that thing in my head?"
O'Neill: "Daniel thinks it's fascinating."
Daniel: "No. I thought you just might want to see it..."
Kawalsky: "No, thanks."Emancipation
Aboul: "This is a woman?"
O'Neill: "Oh, yeah."
Carter: "What? Do I have something growing out of my nose?"Aboul: "No! I can't look at you!"
Carter: "Ok, now I'm hurt."Native: "That one is a woman."
O'Neill: "Observant bunch."Carter: "Daniel, find me an anthropologist who dresses like this and I will eat this headdress."
Aboul: "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." He runs out of the room.
Carter: "Guess the kid doesn't get out much. Look, ah, I will not wear this thing over my face. I do not care how much embroidery it has on it. And this dress, or whatever it's called, I mean I can't move, I can't walk..."
O'Neill: "I don't know. It...it kinda works for me. I..."
Daniel: "It's you. It's...it's..."
O'Neill: "It's you."
Daniel: "It's definitely you. Ah, the good news is, uh, you were right. One of Aboul's plants works as an...an anasthetic. We're taking...some...home...to be analyzed."
O'Neill: "All things considered...Samantha...if we have to come back here it might be a better idea if we brought an all male team next time. No offense."
Carter: "Well, in view of the fact that you all get to go to this party tonight and I get to stay in this Yurk that smells like rancid yak butter, none taken."O'Neill: "The hell with culture. A member of my team has been neutralized. That's a hostile act."
Daniel: "How is it that you always come up with the worst case scenario?"
O'Neill: "I practice."Teal'c: "What will happen to Dr. Carter tonight if we wait?"
Leader: "Turgan will partake in his newest purchase."
O'Neill: "Oh, there's not a chance in hell."Carter: "Woo. What a relief. I've never been so happy to see you guys."
O'Neill: "Oh sure you have. Remember that time on P3X 595 you drank that stuff that made you take off..."
Carter: "Ahem. We won't get into that right now."O'Neill, trying to coach Carter: "So when your back's up against the wall and there's no tomorrow, just take one day at a time and remember, the bigger they are...etcetera."
O'Neill: "Hey, no one said anything about...knives."
Carter: "So you think this new anesthesia will be a miracle drug on Earth?"
Daniel: "Well, if it is I bet somebody else will get the credit. We can never say where it came from."
O'Neill: "Damn. Guess I'm going to have to cancel that Oprah interview."
Teal'c: "What is an 'Oprah?'"The Broca Divide
O'Neill, about a planet Hammond is describing: "Let me guess. That's where we're going."
Hammond: "Very good, Colonel."
O'Neill: "Thank you, Sir. I pride myself on my deductive reasoning skills."
Hammond: "In one hour you will go through the Gate to the planet represented by these symbols. It has been designated P3X 797."
Daniel: "Couldn't we call this planet something that's a little easier to remember?"
Carter: "Ah, it's based on a binary code the computer uses for extrapolation."
O'Neill: "Which makes it much easier to remember."Daniel: "This is crazy. We don't know what could be there waiting for us when we come through."
Ferretti: "Don't you worry, boys. That's why the SG-3 marines are coming with. You can count on us to watch your backsides."
Daniel: "Actually, it was more my front side I was worrying about."O'Neill, to Daniel and handing him some big goggles: "You're late. Put these on."
Daniel: "It doesn't look like my prescription."Ferretti: "Ok. We'll take point."
O'Neill: "Ah, we'll go through first. You watch our lovely backsides, remember?"
Ferretti: "Have it your way."
Daniel: "Are you out of your mind?"
O'Neill: "If Skaara or Sha're are on the other side, those jarheads will fire the minute they see the light of their eyes, if you know what I mean. You want that?" Daniel responds by extending his arm, motioning O'Neill to go first.Woman: "We are pleased the gods have deemed us worthy of a return visit."
O'Neill: "Gods?"
Daniel: "Ah, only the gods come through the Stargate. I think they're talking about us. We should probably start getting used to this kind of treatment."
O'Neill: "Oh, for crying out loud. We're not gods. Get up."O'Neill, upon seeing their meeting room: "Love what they've done with the place."
Carter: "I was going to do my living room like this, but it didn't go with my other stuff."
Daniel: "Looks Minoan."O'Neill: "We'll move out in fifteen minutes."
Daniel: "Wait a minute, move out?"
O'Neill: "Yeah. Back to the Stargate, back to Earth, terra firma, home, you've heard of it?"Fraiser: "Most female low-level primates tend to choose their sexual partners according to who would give them the strongest offspring. The leaders of a pack or a tribe are usually the prime choice. You should be flattered."
O'Neill: "Oh yeah. I'm honored."Daniel: "What, did she start a fight with you like Johnson did with Teal'c?"
O'Neill: "No, she, uh, tried to seduce me."
Daniel: "Oh. You...poor man."Daniel, about the people on the Dark Side: "We came in contact with them. Isn't that special."
Fraiser: "So, the question is, why haven't you and Mr. Teal'c come down with the symptoms?"
Daniel: "Ah, Mr. Teal'c...Teal'c's symbiote probably protects him."
Teal'c: "That would be likely."
Fraiser: "What about you, Dr. Jackson?"
Daniel: "That beats me. You're the doctor, Doctor. Ah, maybe I have a natural immunity."
Teal'c: "Perhaps you will develop symptoms later."
Daniel: "Thank you for the moral support."Teal'c, to the people of the Light Side: "How can you be so unheart?"
O'Neill: "Teal'c! Doc! Open the door! Teal'c!"
Teal'c: "Colonel O'Neill?"
O'Neill: "Lucy! I'm home!"
Teal'c: "I am not Lucy."
O'Neill: "I know that. It was a reference to an old T...never mind. Open the door."
Teal'c: "I will summon the doctor."
O'Neill: "No, no, come on, I'm fine. I'm back to being myself. Just open up."
Teal'c: "I cannot be certain you are back to being yourself. You referred to me as 'Lucy.'"
O'Neill: "Oh, for crying out loud, will you just open the door?"O'Neill, to a primitive Daniel: "Daniel, you dog. Keep this up you'll have a girl on every planet."
Carter: "Ah, Sir?"
O'Neill: "Yeah."
Carter: "About my earlier behavior...I wasn't myself."
O'Neill: "Oh, Carter, I don't even remember your earlier behavior."
Carter: "You don't?"
O'Neill: "No, I was infected myself. Remember?"
Carter: "Right! Good, I'm glad."
O'Neill: "By the way. How's the wound?"
Carter: "Wound?"
O'Neill: "I understand you got stabbed in the stomach or something?"
Carter: "Oh, yeah, it was nothing. With any luck there won't even be a scar."
O'Neill: "Oh good, I was concerned."
Carter: "You were?"
O'Neill: "Sure. If it doesn't heal properly you'll never wear that sweet little tank top number again."The First Commandment
Connor: "No, Sir."
O'Neill: "'No Sir'? Does it say Colonel anywhere on my uniform?"O'Neill: "We're off to see the wizard."
O'Neill: "To Oz."
Daniel: "This tastes like chicken."
Carter: "So what's wrong with it?"
Daniel: "It's macaroni and cheese."Teal'c: "Perimeter is established." An annoying alarm sounds.
O'Neill: "Perfect. If any little rocks sneak up on us we'll have plenty of warning."Carter, after knocking out a guard: "Well that was refreshing."
Hanson, about Carter: "Healer of the emotionally wounded. I was your one failure. The bird with the broken wing that would not heal."
Carter: "You seem to be flying well enough on your own."O'Neill: "Sky...orange?"
Native: "The sky...up there."
O'Neill: "Yeah. I know what the sky is."Teal'c: "Power alone does not make one a god."
Teal'c, pointing at a very crude drawing: "This is the valley. Here's the Stargate. Here's the temple."
Native: "Good drawing."
Teal'c: "Thank you."Connor: "Kill me."
O'Neill: "Are you sure? I've come all this way."O'Neill, to the guards who just caught him and Connor: "Hey, how're you doing? You know, we'd love to stick around but some braindead sycophant left my buddy out here to die. So we're out of here." Guard slaps him. "Ow."
Carter: "You said you wouldn't kill them."
Hanson: "I'm not. I'm sending them back to Earth."
Carter: "Without sending the signal to open the iris they'll die."
Hanson: "Please, Sam. I'm having a moment here."Cold Lazarus
Daniel, over a walkie-talkie: "Jack, we've finished our recon, loaded up Fred and are ready to head back through the Gate. Is this...am I using this right?"Daniel: "Teal'c, we need your help."
Teal'c: "Your world is a strange place."
Daniel: "...so's yours."Teal'c fires his staff weapon at the crystal, and alarms go off throughout the base.
Technician, over PA: "What's going on in there?"
Teal'c: "You received permission for me to fire my staff weapon."
Carter: "Oh yeah."
Daniel: "Absolutely."Carter: "I'd love to get this into the spectrometer at Stanford."
Teal'c: "What is a Stanford?"Daniel: "WHOA!!! Captain Doctor, Teal'c!" Daniel makes a bunch of truly darling hand motions. "It was me!....It was me."
Carter: "Holy Hannah!"
Daniel: "It was trying to communicate with us."
Carter: "I don't know the magic password. Do you?"O'Neill, to the surveillance camera in his holding cell: "C'mon, get me out of here. Tell ya what, let me put it nicely. Get me the hell out of here!"
Hammond: "If that isn't O'Neill, I want to know who the hell we're looking at." O'Neill throws a pillow at the camera.Fraiser: "The evidence says he's Colonel Jack O'Neill."
O'Neill: "Thank you, Doctor."O'Neill, to Carter after the energy crystal returns to normal: "What was that?" Carter shrugs. "Any ideas? Any theories? Explanations?...Anything?"
Teal'c, as Hammond hands him a Chicago cap to hide his tattoo: "Chicago. The windy city. Home of the Blackhawks, the Bulls, and the White Sox."
O'Neill: "Don't forget the Cubs."The Nox
Carter to the Secretary: "We think you're looking at the event horizon of an artificially created wormhole through our space time to a point tens even hundreds of light years away...Sir."
Secretary: "Uh huh."O'Neill: "Cultures with advanced technology tend not to like to share it."
Secretary: "So. We're wasting our time."
O'Neill: "Would you interpret what I just said?"Daniel: "Hover? Like a hummingbird?"
Teal'c: "With teeth."Teal'c: "When we became misdirected and needed to relocate the Stargate, we needed a Goa'uld homing device to find it."
Daniel: "Do we have a homing device?"
O'Neill: "Of course we do. It's with our gear."
Daniel: "Which is...by the Stargate."Carter to Daniel who's feeling her chest through her ripped clothes: "Hey, what are you looking at?!"
Daniel: "I felt that blast kill me. I mean, I thought I...I thought we were dead. Weren't we dead?"
Carter: "Yeah..."
Daniel: "Ok. Well I thought heaven would be a little more upscale."
Carter: "Oh...I don't think this is heaven."O'Neill: "Wasn't I just...?"
Daniel: "Killed."
O'Neill: "Killed as in..."
Daniel: "Dead."
O'Neill: "Dead."
Carter: "Yeah, we know. We saw it happen. Same thing happened to us."
O'Neill: "Well, this is a surprise, then."O'Neill, to the Nox: "Sorry to drop in on you like this but we were...dead."
O'Neill: "Ah. Fruit. Nothing like coming back from the dead to build an appetite."
Daniel: "I think they're a family."
O'Neill: "Of what?"O'Neill, to Carter about the Nox boy: "No, we can't keep him."
O'Neill, about Shak'l: "Look, we're not in the assassination business. He's just bad. He's very..." Looks to Daniel for clarification.
Daniel: "Bad."
O'Neill: "Bad. We just wanted to take him back to our world and have a little chat with him about all the nasty..."
Daniel and O'Neill: "...bad..."
O'Neill: "...things he's been doing."Antaeus: "Take your ways with you."
O'Neill: "Fenri?"
Daniel: "That's probably that disappearing, invisible, flying thing we were after earlier."Antaeus, to SG-1: "You must go."
O'Neill: "Right. Well...for now we'll just go over here."Nefreyu: "Is that a weapon?"
O'Neill: "Yes, and you can't have it."Opher, taking sap of the tree and eating it: "Mmmm. You?" He offers it to Daniel.
Daniel: "Oh, no, thank you. I'm...trying to quit."Opher: "I am four hundred and thirty-two years old."
Daniel: "Well, ah, you look great."
Opher: "Thank you."Antaeus: "We are not afraid."
O'Neill: "Well get afraid!"O'Neill, about Nefreyu: "I told him to go home."
Antaeus: "I told you the same. The very young do not always do what they are told."Daniel, to O'Neill who just produced a sharp weapon: "Where did that come from?"
O'Neill: "Well, the wee folks missed one. So Shak'l thinks we're unarmed, Apophis thinks he's invulnerable..."
Daniel: "And they're right...I think I found the flaw in your plan..."Brief Candle
Carter to Daniel as he delivers the baby: "Where did you learn how to do this?"
Daniel: "Ah, uh, on a dig in the Yucatan. After the first one, I made friends with the local midwife and they taught me a lot."
Carter: "How many babies have you delivered?"
Daniel: "Two. Counting today."O'Neill, to Daniel about delivering the baby: "You never cease to amaze me with all your talents."
Daniel: "Thank you. Wow, this place is incredible. It's like we just stepped into the citadel at Mycenae."
O'Neill: "I thought you said it was Greek."
Daniel: "Oh, Mycenae was an ancient city in the Southern Pelopponesian region."
O'Neill: "Where's that?"
Daniel: "Greece."
O'Neill: "Why do I do that?"Teal'c: "Where do the gods reside?"
Alecos: "Doesn't everyone know?"
Woman: "In the sky, of course."
Daniel: "Of course."O'Neill: "Do things feel a little...off here?"
Daniel: "Are you crazy? It's paradise."
O'Neill: "Yeah, sure. Have an apple."Teal'c, about the Goa'uld who brought the "Chosen" to the planet: "Perhaps it was a good Goa'uld."
O'Neill, becoming very drugged and laughing through his veggie pizza...er, cake: "Right, like there is such a thing."
Teal'c: "I did not intend for my statement to be humorous."
O'Neill, as a few women approach him: "Trust me, they weren't. Hello, girls."Alecos: "Unto every man the Creator gives one hundred blissful days. It is a sin not to celebrate each and every one."
Daniel: "A 100-day celebration? Guess we should pace ourselves."Teal'c, about the writing around the statue of Pelops: "It is Goa'uld, an obscure dialect."
Daniel: "Why did you not tell me that before?"
Teal'c: "You never before inquired."O'Neill: "So what did you find out? Come on, now, don't keep the elderly waiting. It's rude."
Alecos: "Is it true? That you have lived thousands of days?"
O'Neill: "I should've kept my mouth shut."Teal'c: "Colonel, I have learned much from you. Thank you."
Carter: "You know, good-byes really suck."O'Neill, as Kynthia beats him at Tic-Tac-Toe: "Aw hell, I have to teach you a game I can win."
Kynthia: "It is good to see you smile. Tell me, will you live the rest of your days without making love?"
O'Neill: "Oh god, I hope not."O'Neill: "Why aren't we unconscious yet?"
O'Neill: "Could be as simple as getting the hell out of Dodge."
O'Neill: "Welcome back, kids. It's damn good to see you again. Don't worry. Aside from a little prostate problem we won't go into, it's not so bad."
O'Neill: "I'll probably move to Florida, get into a little retirement home of some kind."
Carter: "You'll look pretty out of place there at your age."
O'Neill: "Why? I look like my grandfather!"
Carter: "'Look' is the operative word here. If our hypothesis is right, the nanocytes in your system were only meant to imitate aging. They weren't meant to start the process in a full-grown adult."
O'Neill: "What are you saying to me?"
Carter: "Without these little buggers in your system to maintain the changes you should return to normal within a week or two."
Kynthia: "That is wonderful news!"
O'Neill: "I don't know. I was kinda looking forward to a little shuffleboard with the fellas."O'Neill: "I'll treasure every day of my life because of you."
Thor's Hammer
Daniel, upon hearing Cimmeria's residents welcoming SG-1 with laughter: "This is different."Gairwyn to Carter and Daniel: "You're a little short for gods."
O'Neill, seeing the holographic figure of Thor: "Teal'c, I think we just got the answering machine."
Carter: "Hi...Hail..."
O'Neill: "Water. Give it enough time it'll bring down walls. Even walls just like that. So in a couple hundred years we'll be free."
Unas to Teal'c: "Kill the human."
O'Neill: "Excuse me?"Teal'c: "The first one is dead."
O'Neill: "Yeah, well that's fine by me."Teal'c about Unas: "It was dead."
O'Neill: "Ah. Good."
Teal'c: "I believe."
O'Neill: "You believe?"
Teal'c: "I am certain."
O'Neill: "Positive?"
Teal'c: "I am."
O'Neill: "Just a myth."
Teal'c: "A myth."
O'Neill: "Good."O'Neill (hearing Unas howling in pain): "That's no myth."
Daniel: "Haven't you ever had a feeling that made absolutely no logical sense and it turned out to be right?"
Unas: "I could help you escape."
O'Neill: "A map would be nice." Shoots him.Teal'c: "If I am to die it will be as a warrior, facing my enemy."
Kendra: "Fear is the greatest enemy. I must face my fear."
Teal'c: "Are you considering the same tactic as I?"
O'Neill: "Teal'c, the cliché is 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' And the answer is yes."The Torment of Tantalus
O'Neill: "You know, you seem a tad obsessed with this stuff."
Daniel: "This was transfer from film of experiments done on the Gate in 1945. You don't find that the least bit intriguing?
O'Neill: "Oh yeah. Nothing peaks my interest more than repeated failure."O'Neill: "Whole boxes of the material could be missing."
Daniel: "No, the Pentagon said this was everything."
O'Neill: "Oh please. The Pentagon has lost entire countries. Come on. Doctors have two days of tests planned for us. Wonderful tests."Catherine: "When did you become an upstanding member of the military?"
Daniel: "I'm not...exactly."O'Neill, hugging Catherine: "It's good to see you again. I trust the General is making you feel right at him?"
Catherine: "So far he actually sounds worse than General West." She laughs
O'Neill: "He's a teddy bear."Hammond: "Colonel, are you aware of the request Dr. Jackson has most currently tabled?"
O'Neill, shaking his hand at Daniel: "You gotta go that one step further, don't ya."Teal'c: "The Goa'uld are scavengers. Since they have not traveled to this planet, we may find technologies we can use against them."
Catherine: "You speak!"
Teal'c: "When it is appropriate."
O'Neill, to Catherine who's about to go through the Gate for the first time: "It's a piece of cake."
Daniel, to Catherine after they come through the Gate: "You ok?"
Catherine: "Huh! That was some piece of cake!"Carter, seeing a very naked Ernest: "Oh my."
O'Neill: "Oh, for crying out loud."Carter, as Ernest comes over to Teal'c to hug him: "Oh boy."
Ernest: "Still here?"
Catherine: "I felt like a schoolgirl. My heart was beating faster than when I came through the Gate." She laughs. "You think you're old and wise!"
Carter: "I don't think the heart ever grows old."Daniel: "We call this the Dial Home Device. Basically, you enter the correct address and..."
O'Neill: "Daniel, why don't we just show him?"O'Neill: "Excuse me. Are you saying that all of these are atomic...things?"
O'Neill: "Daniel, before your head explodes, can I remind you that we have more important things to deal with right now?"
O'Neill: "Alright, basic survival training. We know what we have, what do we need?"
Teal'c: "We have the Stargate. We need the Dial Home Device."
O'Neill: "Thank you, Teal'c."O'Neill: "I'm obviously no scientist, but, ah...couldn't we use that Ben Franklin thing?"
Ernest, about Tantalus: "He was reaching for something that was, ah, out of reach."
Catherine: "That sounds familiar. Some might say that makes a man great. If we all accepted what was within our grasp..."
Ernest: "Sometimes what we have is more valuable. It takes a great man to recognize that."Ernest: "No prize is worth attaining if you can never share it."
Daniel: "What you did was courageous."
Ernest: "What I did was stupid."Catherine, to Ernest about to step through the Gate: "It's a piece of cake."
Ernest: "Not from what I remember."O'Neill: "Catherine, hug me."
Bloodlines
Teal'c: "I will not allow my son to become a slave."Hammond: "How many of these other Jaffa can you be sure of?"
O'Neill: "We're pretty sure of at least...one...guy..."
Hammond: "One."
Daniel: "Yes, and where there's one there has to be more...than...one."
Hammond: "Oh, absolutely."Teal'c: "I will risk no one's life but my own."
Teal'c, about the rest of SG-1: "Warriors of great skill and cunning."
Carter: "Oh, Teal'c, that's..."
Teal'c: "My first teacher, Bra'tac. The greatest Jaffa master I've ever known."
O'Neill: "It's an honor to meet you, Sir." Bra'tac walks right past him, to Carter.
Bra'tac: "You. You were among the warriors who defeated the palace guard at Chu'lac? A human warrior and..."
Carter: "Hey, I'll have you know I keep my..."
Bra'tac, moving next to Daniel: "And you? A warrior of great skill and cunning? I could snap you like kindling! How could you bring these hashock with you!"
O'Neill: "Hey, hey, hey! Who're you calling a hassock? What's a hassock?"Bra'tac, about his age: "One hundred and thirty three."
O'Neill: "You must work out."O'Neill: "Captain, I want you and Daniel to go back to the Stargate and take up positions where you can lay down fire cover. We may need it."
Carter: "Yes, Sir."
Daniel: "Ah...minutes ago we were warriors of great skill and cunning."Teal'c: "If we are discovered, you will be brought to Apophis along with us."
O'Neill: "Well, we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it."
Bra'tac: "No, the bridge is too well guarded."
O'Neill: "Actually, there I was using a cliché..."O'Neill: "I serve at Stargate Command under a General Hammond."
Bra'tac: "So this Hammond is a...?"
O'Neill: "Just a man. A very good, a very...bald...man from Texas."Dray'auc: "Your father has given you life."
Teal'c: "I know the day will come when we stand side by side in battle against the false gods."
O'Neill: "Alright. Here's the plan."
Bra'tac: "You will do as I say."
O'Neill: "Right."Bra'tac, after beating up a bunch of monks: "Not bad for a man of 133."
O'Neill: "Not bad at all."Carter: "What will you do? When the priests come to they will tell Apophis that you betrayed them."
Bra'tac: "I suppose. I will cross that bridge when I come to it."Fire & Water
O'Neill: "Daniel Jackson made this place...happen. As a member of SG-1, he was our voice, our conscience. He was a very courageous man. He was a good man. For those of us lucky enough to know him, he was also a friend."O'Neill: "So we're sitting around eating some kind of gourmet, Abydonian cuisine. Daniel tells Sha're he's going to show us this cartouche thing but before we leave she stands up, plants a kiss on him that makes his face disappear for a day."
O'Neill: "Can we get this damn car out of here?!" He smashes the window with his hockey stick.
Hammond: "What's on your mind, Colonel?"
O'Neill: "Retirement, actually."
Hammond: "You don't mean that."
O'Neill: "I think I do."
Hammond: "Well, I can't let you do that at the moment. I've got an assignment for SG-1. Dr. Jackson's apartment needs to be closed by Stargate personnel. National Security issues aside, you're probably the closest thing he had to a family. It's not an order, it's a request."
O'Neill: "Yes, Sir."
Hammond: "Why don't you come join the others in the back."
O'Neill: "Yes, Sir."
Hammond: "You know that's my car, don't you?"
O'Neill: "You should get that window fixed."Daniel: "I can't tell you what I don't know."
Nem: "You will, or you will die."Carter, reading Daniel's diary: "'Colonel O'Neill thinks I'm a geek. I have no idea how to get us back. I'll never get paid.' Oh wow, he must've written this right after we got back. 'Sha're is gone. Jack says we'll find her. If anyone can, he can.'"
O'Neill: "Oh come on, that's his diary. I mean, what's he going to think if...." Cuts himself off.
Carter: "I wonder what they're going to do with all this stuff."
O'Neill: "Maybe give it to a museum. Or start one."Daniel: "Well, I would rather die than stay here in the knowledge that I will never be able to see my wife and friends again."
Doctor: "I've had a great deal of success with hypnosis."
O'Neill: "Hypnosis. You know, I'm not a big fan of that bark like a chicken, cluck like a dog stuff." (Yes, this is exactly how it's said in the show--is this a glitch or intentional? Hmmmm...)Daniel: "Ah, this, this is a long story."
Carter: "Yeah, I'll bet."
O'Neill: "Tell us about it over sushi."
Daniel: "That's funny. I will, after I go get some sleep."
O'Neill: "Ah, home. Yeah, about that apartment."
Daniel: "Oh, you didn't!"
Carter: "The day after the memorial service."
Daniel: "Memorial service?"
Carter: "Colonel said some really nice things."
Daniel: "He did." (long pause) "He did?"Hathor
Hathor: "We are Hathor. You would be wise to unbind us and kneel before your goddess."
O'Neill, sarcastically: "Hello...."
Daniel: "Hathor?"
Hathor: "Yes."
O'Neill: "Have you heard of her?"
Daniel: "Hathor was the Egyptian goddess of fertility, inebrity, and music."
O'Neill: "Sex, drugs, and Rock 'N Roll?"
Daniel: "In a manner of speaking, yeah."Daniel: "What's she going to do, beat us up?"
Hathor: "We are the mother of all pharaohs."
O'Neill: "Of course we are. General, why don't we call County Mental Health, see if we can find a nice rubber room for the lady?"Hathor: "You, with the crown of marble."
O'Neill: "She might mean you, Sir."
Hathor: "You are the ruler here?"
Hammond: "Yes, ma'am."
Hathor: "May we take your hand?"
Hammond: "Why?
Hathor: "We wish to kiss it, to bless you with fertility and joy."
O'Neill: "Well, you can't pass that up, Sir."O'Neill: "Do we really think anyone's going to believe that woman if she goes around blabbing about a 'Stargate?' I mean, I have a hard enough time believing that woman down on 73rd who walks around talking about these little devil people who live in her hair. Even though she could use a little conditioner."
O'Neill: "Is mental illness contagious?"
Daniel: "General, I'd like permission for Hathor to come down here and debrief us."
O'Neill: "Whoa, Danny! I don't think so."
Daniel: "General, I think you sense what I do. Hathor is a friend." His eyes turn pink.
Hammond: "Yes, I do believe that. Bring her down."
Carter: "Are you kidding?"
O'Neill: "Whoa, General!"Hathor: "For you, we will forever hold a special place, here." She places his hand on her chest.
O'Neill: "Well, that's...very special."Carter: "I hate to break it to you, Teal'c, but you are male."
Carter: "Yep. Well, Mama said there'd be days like this."
Fraiser: "Really? My ex-husband said that. 'Are you out of your mind, honey buns? There is a reason they call it this man's army.'"
Carter: "'This man's army?' Your husband actually said that?"
Fraiser: "Yeah, so of course I explained to him it wasn't the army, it was the Air Force and they've had women for decades."Fraiser: "Look, if Hathor's control drug is hormone-driven like I suspect, that means she's making the men...libidinous."
Carter: "Ok, why do I get the feeling I don't like where this is going?"Carter: "You know, using seduction wasn't in any of the AF training manuals I've ever read."
Fraiser: "What, you think the Pentagon anticipated a 4,000-year old alien walking onto a base and drugging the men to make them..."
Carter: "Libidinous?"
Fraiser: "Yeah."Carter: "Why do I feel like I'm in a women behind bars movie?"
Carter, to Fraiser who got to kiss the Airman: "Feel like a woman, Doc?"
Fraiser: "Oh, yeah."Carter, after knocking Hammond unconscious: "Yeah, my career is over."
Fraiser: "Don't worry about it. I can fix him up good as new when this thing is over."
Carter: "Great, so he can bring me up on charges."Carter: "She's guarded by our own men. We can't exactly go in shooting."
O'Neill: "We can with tranquilizer guns."
Carter: "Yeah, I thought of that, Sir, but there weren't any in the infirmary."
O'Neill: "This is the military, Captain. We always have more than we need. There's a supply in Lockup C."
Carter: "It would be nice if someone told me that."
O'Neill: "Your tax dollars at work."Daniel, to Fraiser who's pondering the thought of getting Hathor's DNA and stuff: "A lot of that will probably be mine."
O'Neill: "Eww."
Daniel: "Yeah."Singularity
Daniel: "So what exactly are we going to see after this eclipse begins? I mean, it is black and it is a hole..."
O'Neill: "Well, it might be a black hole."
Daniel: "Ok, let me put that a different way...."
Carter: "No, Daniel, you're right. You can't actually see it. Not the singularity itself. It's so massive not even light can escape it. But during the eclipse we should be able to see matter spiralling towards it."
O'Neill: "Actually, it's called the Ecretian Disk."
Daniel: "Well, I guess it's easy to understand why the local population would be afraid of something like that...what did you just say?"
O'Neill, to a very stunned Daniel: "It's just an astronomical term."
Carter: "You didn't think the Colonel had a telescope on his roof just to look at the neighbors, did you?"
O'Neill, to Teal'c after Carter and Daniel have walked away: "Not initially."O'Neill: "This is fun. Only eigth hours to go. Sweet."
Teal'c: "I still do not understand this black hole."
O'Neill: "Well, a black hole is this really big thing. It's, um, well, basically it's a mass of...hole...out there."
Teal'c, not getting it: "I see."
O'Neill: "Yeah, and what happens is everything is sucked into it. Even light. That's why we can't see it." Teal'c is completely lost. "Just gets...sucked in."
Teal'c: "Thank you."
O'Neill: "Sure."O'Neill: "It's showtime!"
Teal'c, as Nirrti's forces attack them: "We must get to the Stargate!"
O'Neill: "No argument from me!"O'Neill, to Teal'c, dialling home, as the Nirrti forces continue to fire at them: "Take your time, no hurry."
Cassandra: "What's that?"
O'Neill: "We have a rule here on Earth. Every kid has got to have a dog. This is a dog. And he's yours."Cassandra: "Hey, Samantha. See my new dog?"
Carter: "Your new dog?"
Cassandra: "It's an Earth rule. Every kid has to have one." Carter looks at O'Neill, then laughs.
O'Neill: "Why don't I take the dog for a little walk? Come here. Teal'c, know anything about dogs?"
Teal'c: "Nothing."Cor-Ai
Teal'c: "The Goa'uld visit here regularly. It is one of their favorite places to harvest hosts for Goa'uld absorption."
Daniel: "You know, I wish you wouldn't say 'harvest.' We're talking about human beings not... brussels sprouts."O'Neill: "Always wanted to meet the elders."
Daniel: "That's interesting. I wonder if everyone's coming from some religious event."
O'Neill: "Why does it always have to be a religious thing with you? Maybe they're coming from a swap meet."O'Neill: "It's important to respect our elders."
O'Neill: "Did anyone else hear that kid say that Teal'c was guilty already? For all we know they want to kill him!"
Daniel: "Wait, wait. Who said anything about killing? I mean, all they said was that they want to put him through Cor-ai. Now near as I can figure, that is like a simple trial."
O'Neill: "See, it's that 'near as I can figure' that's got me a little...worried."O'Neill: "Innocent until proven guilty. Heard of it?"
Daniel: "Actually, throughout history the idea is pretty rare. Most cultures usually assumed things the other way around." Jack shoots him one of his looks. "I'm just...saying..."Woman: "I must get the Jaffa's pecavey."
O'Neill: "Well, you're out of luck 'cause you're not going to get him to peca-anything."Daniel: "Are you sure you're up to this?"
O'Neill: "Why? You don't think I am?"
Daniel: "Well, it's just that I've never actually heard you referred to as a diplomat. I think, um, antagonist was the word used."Hanno: "Anyone who has a mind has an opinion."
O'Neill: "Unbelievable."
Daniel: "It's actually rather Talmudic. Only he who was wrong can forgive."
O'Neill: "Will you can it?"Woman: "We would never leave anyone behind. We all go or none of us do."
Daniel: "Teal'c, tell us exactly what happened that day."
Teal'c: "Apophis ordered me to kill one of the villagers so the rest would obey."
Daniel: "Ok, I think we've all heard the Reader's Digest version of the story. But there's more to it, isn't there?"Daniel: "The truth is our defense."
Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs." O'Neill: "Since when, Sir?"
Carter: "Maybe Daniel broke him out."
O'Neill: "Keep those positive thoughts coming, Captain."Enigma
Carter: "Temperature: Ground 1700° Fahrenheit, air seems to be in pockets ranging from 1500° to 200°."
O'Neill: "Sounds like L.A."Olmac: "You have no idea who or what we are."
Tuplo: "We know that you are in need and that you are here among those who have proven themselves our friends. That is enough."O'Neill: "Whoa. Cool."
Daniel: "But totally impossible."O'Neill about Colonel Kennedy's promotion: "Talk about failing upwards."
Nareem: "You are anything but primitive, Samantha. What your mind doesn't know your heart fills in."
Carter: "I don't know what that means, exactly, but it's beautiful."
Nareem: "Which is exactly what it means."O'Neill, about the Nox: "God, I love those people."
Solitudes
Carter: "Try to stay put, Sir. I think you leg's broken."
O'Neill: "No, my leg's definitely broken."O'Neill, about the ice cave: "Unless they've redecorated the Gate Room, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."
O'Neill: "Ice. Nice."
O'Neill: "I'll be damned if I'm going to die on some God forsaken block of ice a million miles from home."
Carter: "I don't think you should move."
O'Neill: "Probably not, but my butt's freezing to the ground."O'Neill: "Ah. A little paint, a couple of windows, maybe a fireplace in the corner, it'll be just like home."
O'Neill: "I think I cracked a rib, too."
Carter: "Why didn't you say something?"
O'Neill: "I was afraid you'd try to put a splint on it."Carter: "I think too much."
O'Neill: "Soup's on."
Carter: "Just a little more, I'm almost through."
O'Neill: "You don't want it to get cold."
Carter: "I didn't know you could cook."
O'Neill: "I can't. But my melted ice is to die for."Carter, lying next to O'Neill for body heat and feeling something poking into her: "Sir?"
O'Neill: "It's my side arm, I swear."Daniel to Teal'c, really excited: "What happens when you dial your own phone number?" Realizing Teal'c has no clue what he's talking about, he turns to Hammond. "Wrong person to ask. What happens when you dial your own phone number?"
Tin Man
O'Neill: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your Colonel speaking. Welcome to P3X 989er where it is a balmy...room temperature." (He meant to say PX3 989 since it's referred to two other times as that.) "Fan it out." They walk around a bit, admiring the machinery. "Whoa. Well, the light are on but there's nobody home."Harlan: "Ah...Cumtraya!! Cumtraya!!"
O'Neill: "Daniel?"
Daniel: "I think that's a greeting..."
Harlan: "Yes, it is."
Daniel: "Oh, well, then...Cumtraya. We are explorers from a place called Earth. I am Daniel. Hello." He extends his hand to shake Harlan's, but Harland doesn't understand.
Harlan: "Ah, this is your custom, yes? Hello." He reaches out his own hand but doesn't shake Daniel's, just...holds it there. "You are the leader?"
Daniel: "Oh, no. That would be..."
O'Neill: "Me. Colonel Jack O'Neill. Cumbaya."
Harlan: "Cumtraya."
O'Neill: "Whatever."Daniel: "We're curious to learn about other worlds. We'd love to hear what happened on the surface."
Harlan: "All in good time."
O'Neill: "We've got all the time in the world."
Harlan, laughing: "Yes you do. You understand? Cumtraya!"
O'Neill: "Now, what is that, Cumtraya? Is that like aloha?"O'Neill: "How long, exactly?"
Harlan: "Exactly 99,207,000 of your...hours."
O'Neill: "That's 11,000 years."
Carter: "How did you know that?"
O'Neill: "It's right?"
Carter, calculating: "Yeah."
Daniel: "Wait, how did you know that?"Fraiser: "Colonel, how do you feel?"
O'Neill: "Never felt better in my life. It's got me a little worried actually."
Fraiser: "Well, this has got me a little worried. Listen."
O'Neill, listening to his hearbeat: "I don't hear anything. What, this is better...I'm dead?"Daniel, suddenly finding his hand fascinating: "It's incredible. It looks like mine, it feels like mine, it is mine. I mean, I don't feel any different. If anything, I feel better."
Carter: "Yeah, that's what Harlan said."
Daniel: "Why didn't he just tell us?"
Carter: "Probably afraid we'd damage him."
O'Neill: "Perceptive little runt."Daniel: "Teal'c, are you ok?"
Teal'c: "Why?"
Daniel: "Well, for starters you've lost your infant Goa'uld."
Teal'c: "I still feel its presence."
Daniel: "Really? That must be like continuing to feel a limb after it's lost."
O'Neill: "Oh, for crying out loud. Daniel, I'm glad you're so fascinated by all this but it's time for a little reality check, ok?"Daniel, as O'Neill heads toward the door: "Where are you going?"
O'Neill: "I'm going to find Harlan."
Daniel: "Jack!"
O'Neill: "Don't worry! Just to talk. Robot to robot." He does some "I'm cool and you know it" moves as he says this.O'Neill: "Harlan, we want to go home."
Harlan: "Oh no no. You must stay. You are friends. New friends."
O'Neill: "'Friends?' I don't even like you. Chances are I'll never like you."
Carter: "Colonel! If we are ever going home, we need him."
Harlan: "You still do not appreciate the gift? Immortality. 11,000 years going on infinity, I always say."Harlan: "All will be well. You will see. In your friend too."
Carter: "What, Teal'c?"
Daniel: "You killed him!"
Harlan: "No, he was malfunctioning."
Daniel: "How will all be well with him if he's dead?!"
Harlan: "You will see."O'Neill (real one), to the Daniel clone: "Daniel?"
Daniel clone: "Ah, sort of..."O'Neill: "Harlan, where've you been?"
Harlan: "Extremely busy."
O'Neill: "I can see that. Doing what?"
Harlan: "Oh, ah. Making your synthetic others, saving the planet, busy busy."
O'Neill: "Synthetic?!"Real Carter: "This is impossible."
Clone Carter: "It's true. At first we didn't even know we'd been changed."
Real Carter: "Recreating the neural structure on a molecular device...."
Clone Carter: "I know, I know, it defies the uncertainty principle. But we are identical, right down to the mole on our..."
Real Carter: "Hey, hey. Shut up!"Teal'c: "Was not a copy made of me?"
Harlan: "Oh, yes, but, um, ah, I had to disintegrate you."
Teal'c: "I see."Real O'Neill: "Listen, I'm not too happy about this either, you know."
Clone O'Neill: "You think you know how I feel?"
Real O'Neill: "Well, yeah. We're basically the same guy, aren't we?"
Clone O'Neill, turning his face so the Real O'Neill can see his wounded cheek: "Have a look."
Real O'Neill: "Ow. Sorry."
Clone O'Neill: "Yeah."
Real O'Neill: "So, um, what the hell happened here?"
Clone O'Neill: "Somebody stole my life. That's what happened."
Real O'Neill: "You talking about my life?"
Clone O'Neill: "Hey! I've got every right to it that you do. I was kinda hoping I could figure out a way to undo all this, get myself back in my body...where I belong."
Real O'Neill: "Well, it's occupied."
Clone O'Neill: "I noticed that. What does that make me?" The Real O'Neill just stares at him. "What do you want?"
Real O'Neill: "Well, they're all debating the meaning of life out there. Both Daniels think this is all fascinating, the Carters are arguing already. Teal'c feels left out. You and I've got a few things to talk about."
Clone O'Neill: "I'm not going to give you a hard time about who gets to go back, if that's what you mean."
Real O'Neill: "Well, thank you."
Clone O'Neill: "It has nothing to do with generosity, believe me. I can't go back. If I could it might be a different story altogether."
Real O'Neill: "Yeah, well, there is a little issue of security. You know everything I know about Earth. Codes, defenses..."
Clone O'Neill: "We'll bury the Gate, don't worry. And don't even think about sending a bomb to make sure."
Real O'Neill: "I wasn't."
Clone O'Neill: "Yes, you were. I know you."
Real O'Neill: "Alright, alright. You have my word, Colonel."
Clone O'Neill: "Call me Jack."
Harlan's voice from the distance: "Colonel O'Neill?"
Real and Clone O'Neill: "Oh for crying out loud..."
Clone O'Neill: "I'll handle this." Real O'Neill just shakes his head.Clone O'Neill: "Harlan, people are not supposed to live forever."
Harlan: "Maybe not. But if you try a few hundred years you might change your mind, yes?"There But For the Grace of God
O'Neill: "Good morning, Campers."Daniel: "Wonder what's behind curtain number two."
O'Neill: "Take Carter and check it out."O'Neill: "Carter! Daniel!"
Carter: "Found a souvenir shop, Sir."
O'Neill: "We're out of here."
Daniel: "What? Why? This place is a treasure chest of artifacts from diverse human culture."
O'Neill: "Daniel, I don't want to hear it. Let's go."
Daniel: "You don't want to...hear it."Daniel: "Jack! Sam! Teal'c! Oh, I really hate when this happens."
Daniel: "Catherine."
Catherine: "You know me?"
Daniel: "Of course. You don't know me?"
Catherine: "Dr. Daniel Jackson. Ancient Egyptian historian. Better known for some of the more radical ideas. At the moment I'm more interested in how you came through my Stargate."
Daniel: "How I...your Stargate. What the hell is going on here, Catherine?"
Catherine: "I'd prefer you address me as Dr. Langford. You were wearing a remote device when you came through the Gate. You had SG-1's code. How did you obtain it?"
Daniel: "How did I...? How do you think I did it? I left from here, Stargate Command, today, a few hours ago. I went through on a mission to P3R 233."
Catherine: "What are you talking about? You've never been in this facility until now."
Daniel, laughing and making some really cute hand motions while he's talking: "Ok. Um, I figured out how to work the Stargate. You recruited me to translate the cartouche found at Giza. I went through on the first mission to Abydos. And unless the last two years have been some wacky, wacky dream, I am a member of SG-1."
Catherine: "Not as far as I'm concerned."
Daniel, stunned: "What?!"
Catherine: "I supervised the team that translated the cartouche found at Giza."
Daniel: "You did."
Catherine: "I admit, we referenced your work occasionally. I even went to meet you at one of your seminars to ask you to join us. But you said no."
Daniel: "I did."
Catherine: "You were quite rude, actually."
Daniel: "I was."
Catherine: "The MRI confirms you are not a Goa'uld."
Daniel: "Could I see Captain Carter?"
Catherine: "Samantha Carter?"
Daniel: "Yes!"
Catherine: "She's not in the military. She's a doctor. Ph.D, astrophysics. She's attending to more important business at the moment. Don't you have any explanation for this?"
Daniel: "God, NO!!! Catherine!...I mean, Dr. Langford, no! This doesn't make any sense. I know you. I belong here. You...don't."
Catherine: "Excuse me?"Daniel: "Jack."
O'Neill: "Look, we're in the middle of a situation right now. I don't know who you are but Dr. Langford says you might be able to help us."
Daniel: "Ok, this is starting to get a little spooky. Now, a few hours ago, everything about this place was different. I mean, well, I mean not completely different. I mean, you're still...you...sort of."
O'Neill: "What can you tell me about the Goa'uld?"
Daniel: "What?"
O'Neill: "The Goa'uld? You know who they are?"
Daniel: "Uh, yeah..."
O'Neill: "Tell me what you know."
Daniel: "Ok. Now, maybe I've completely lost my mind here but as far as I'm concerned we know each other very well. You know everything that I know. Look, I am a member of SG-1 with you, Captain Carter, and Teal'c...where...where is Teal'c?" Seeing they have no idea who Daniel's talking about, he continues. "Big guy, gold emblem on his head, Goa'uld in his stomach, you can't miss him."
O'Neill: "A Jaffa?"
Daniel: "He's our...our friend."
O'Neill: "Get this man outta here, now."Daniel: "I feel like the victim of the biggest practical joke ever."
Catherine: "Interesting. What is it?"
Daniel: "I have no idea."Daniel: "This isn't happening. This is nuts. This isn't happening. This isn't happening..."
Carter: "Basically, scientists have theorized that there are an infinite number of dimensions, each containing a different possible version of reality."
Daniel: "Well it sounds like I theoretically, possibly, actually found one."Daniel: "So this isn't...my world at all. This is some sort of..." he begins laughing "...other dimension?!"
Daniel: "Uh oh."
Carter: "What?"
Daniel: "I think I'm dead."Hammond, seeing Teal'c on the screen: "Who is this?"
Daniel: "That is Teal'c. Big guy, gold emblem on his head and Goa'uld in his stomach."O'Neill, after seeing Teal'c shoot out a camera: "Whoa. You're kidding, right?"
O'Neill: "I think this is where you all wish me good luck." No one answers and he starts to leave.
Carter: "Jack..."
O'Neill: "Come here." He hugs her.
Catherine, as Daniel turns to her: "I take it they're not engaged in your reality."
Daniel: "No..."Daniel: "Thank you."
Catherine: "You helped reunited me with Ernest in the other world?" Daniel nods. "I guess in the grand scheme of things we're even!"Carter: "I surrender! I have information that can help Apophis! There is technology he will want to know about! This is a remote control to an interdimensional portal. I can tell Apophis how to find it!"
Jaffa: "Hashak Kreyak!"
Carter, pulling out a grenade: "Thank you. Oh yeah. I also wish to blow us all to hell."Politics
Daniel: "'Beware the destroyers.' That's what the message said. These are the coordinates the Goa'uld will launch their attack from. It was a warning."
Teal'c: "Or so your vision foretells."
Daniel: "No. It wasn't a vision, or dream, or hallucination. It was real. Now, I know this is hard for you guys to believe but I swear to you the entire time you thought I had disappeared on P3R 233 I was experiencing an alternate reality."
O'Neill: "And you were there and you were there and there's no place like home."
Daniel: "As a matter of fact, you were there."
Carter: "Daniel, it's not that we don't believe you..."
Daniel: "So you do?"
O'Neill: "No, it's just that...we don't believe you."
Daniel: "Jack, this is very important."
Carter: "Alright, Daniel, when you were in this alternate reality, were there differences?"
Daniel: "Yes. Ah, Teal'c was leading the attack on Earth. I wasn't even part of the program. You and Jack were engaged to be married..."
O'Neill: "Excuse me?"
Carter: "What? Ok, uh, even if you did actually experience this alternate reality, doesn't the fact that there were differences mean that we won't face the same fate?"
Daniel: "Yes, but the defining event, the death of Ra, took place on both worlds."
Teal'c: "An attack of retribution."
Daniel: "Yes. And the same thing is going to happen here unless we stop it."
O'Neill: "Alright, wait a minute. Let me...let me get something straight. Engaged?"
Carter: "It is theoretically possible."
O'Neill: "It's against regulations."
Carter: "I'm talking physics, Sir. The entire concept of alternate realities, the entire alternate universe was predicted by Einstein a long time ago."O'Neill, to Samuels: "You'll always be Sparky to me."
Hammond: "It costs nearly a billion dollars just to turn the lights on around here."
O'Neill: "How about a bake sale? Yard sale? Garage...?"
Hammond: "This is what I look like when I'm not laughing, Colonel."
O'Neill: "Car wash?"O'Neill: "Well, he's late."
Teal'c: "You seem more apprehensive of this hearing than you do of battle."
O'Neill: "I prefer battle, actually."
Daniel: "I'm sure once we tell him that Earth's future is at stake..."
O'Neill: "Daniel. Let's just keep the little alternate reality story as our ace in the hole, shall we?"
Daniel, in a typical Daniel question: "Why?"
O'Neill, in a typical O'Neill answer: "Just because."Kinsey: "This is the infamous SG-1."
O'Neill: "Infamous. Yes, Sir. Colonel Jack O'Neill."
Kinsey: "Colonel. I heard a lot about you."
O'Neill: "Don't believe a word of it, Senator. I'm actually a nice guy."O'Neill: "Let me remind you of something. This time there really are barbarians. They're called Goa'ulds. And they're knocking at the Gate...that one!"
Daniel: "Senator, we have reason to believe the Goa'uld are about to land and attack on ships."
Kinsey: "Then I think they'll regret taking on the United States military!"
O'Neill: "Oh, for God's sake..."
Daniel: "Oh, you're right. We'll just upload a virus into the mother ship."Teal'c: "What is right cannot be measured by strength."
Daniel, to Senator Kinsey, effectively summing up everyone's thoughts in three words: "You're a fool."
Samuels: "For what it's worth, I'm sorry it had to end like this."
Hammond: "Get out of here."Teal'c: "General Hammond. I would like to request permission to return through the Stargate before it is permanently sealed. If this world does not intend to continue its struggle against the Goa'uld, then here I do not belong."
O'Neill: "I think I'm going with him."Daniel, in yet another concise summary of Kinsey's character: "Sir, with all due respect, the Senator is an ass."
Within the Serpent's Grasp
Daniel: "Jack, if we don't go through what I saw in the other reality could happen here. This whole planet could be wiped out. Now, in the other reality by the time I left Sara was dead. Carter, your whole family was dead. Hell, I was dead. Everyone was dead."
O'Neill: "Daniel, I got it."
Daniel: "Ok! Well, don't you think we should see if we can stop the same slaughter from happening here? Let me as you something, Jack. If we don't go through now and the Goa'uld do attack later, how are you going to feel?" O'Neill turns around, very confused.
Carter: "How are just the four of us going to stop the attacky anyway? Even if we do go through."
Daniel: "Well, we'd have a much better chance now than we would trying to stop an overwhelming onslaught later. Trust me, I have seen it."
Teal'c: "If the coordinates are for a Goa'uld world which is not on the Abydos cartouche, the Goa'uld will most likely not expect us. I believe a medical attack could be successful."
O'Neill: "Surgical attack, Teal'c. It's called a surgical attack and I'd feel like an idiot."
Carter: "Sir?"
O'Neill: "I was answering Daniel's question. If we don't do something now and they do attack later I'd feel like an idiot. We go."
Teal'c: "I too will go."
O'Neill, to Carter: "It's not an order, Captain."
Carter: "I understand that, Colonel. Thank You. I'm going."O'Neill, upon seeing the zat guns for the very first time: "Cool."
O'Neill, once again about the zat guns: "Sweet."
O'Neill, seeing the serpent guards: "I always get a happy tingly feeling when I see those guys."
O'Neill, hearing that the Great Big Flying Ball is a really advanced form of a TV: "Think it gets Showtime?"
O'Neill, being cornered by a Jaffa: "Hey! How're ya doing? Ah, seen a bathroom around here?"
O'Neill: "Ok. One shot hurts him, two shots killed him. The third shot...?"
Teal'c: "Disintegrates him."
O'Neill: "Oh, great! You didn't feel this was worthy of mention, I take it."O'Neill: "Well, I suggest the two of you figure out how to get us back home."
Carter: "Sir, the only way to do that would be to turn this thing around and go back to where we started."
Daniel: "Right, I'll just go tell the pilot."Klorel: "You dare to do this to Clorell? You will die a painful death."
O'Neill: "Yeah, yeah. Whatever."O'Neill, to the image of Apophis on the Great Big Flying Ball: "Hey pops!"
Teal'c: "O'Neill, prepare youself for..." there's a really big lurch on the ship, and O'Neill goes flying against the wall "...extreme deceleration."
O'Neill: "Yeah, thanks, Teal'c."Hammond: "Guess Dr. Jackson is lucky."
Technician: "How so, Sir?"
Hammond: "He won't have to be around to watch his nightmare come true for a second time."
Season 2 Quotes - Part 1
("The Serpent's Lair" through "Touchstone")Season 2 Quotes - Part 2
("A Matter of Time" through "Out of Mind")Season 3 Quotes - Part 1
("Into the Fire" through "The Devil You Know")Season 3 Quotes - Part 2
("Foothold" through "Nemesis")
Main Page | Updates | Episodes | Characters | Quotes | Fiction | Odds & Ends | Links