The Road From Nadir
By Rebecca Preen - Becky@tcp.co.uk


                         *******************

Includes: The Road From Nadir
          Friends in High Places

                         *******************


The Road From Nadir
By Rebecca Preen - Becky@tcp.co.uk


RATING: R

WARNINGS: Violence. This story deals with some fairly adult themes and 
has some graphic descriptions of post traumatic stress, including non-
graphic recollections of the trauma.  If I say anymore it'll give it 
away.

CATEGORY: Angst, Action-Adventure and Drama.  Lots of hurt comfort

SPOILERS: References to lots of episodes.

TIME FRAME: Set after Shades of Grey but before Nemesis (you'll see why!)

SUMMARY: A routine mission goes badly wrong and SG-1 must deal with the 
consequences. (Nadir: the lowest point; the point of greatest adversity 
or deepest despair.)

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the 
property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This 
piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes 
and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously 
unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to 
the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is 
coincidental and not intended by the author. 

AUTHOR'S NOTES: 

For Mumsey,
You have given me the world. 
Here's a little something back.

This story has been around a bit, after appearing on the net it was won a 
Stargate Fan fiction Award and was then published in IRIS code#3. 

Since it was last on the net, I've had re- edit and corrected some mistakes 
so, thanks to Lems for the re-beta and Denise for her friendship and 
encouragement. I don't know anyone else who can Sam bash like we do! : )


                         *******************

1

The cold seeped into her very bones as the sun began to set again. This 
was the second sunset she'd watched on this planet. SG-1 were well 
overdue now and soon someone would come looking for them. Someone always 
came looking for them.

She shifted her weight slightly, trying to relieve the pressure and pain 
on her ribs. She just moved it to the other side. The cold made her 
shiver again. Beneath her the bed frame creaked. She winced, not from the 
pain but from the thought of what was to come. She lay very, very still 
and almost dared not breathe. 

There was movement outside, a shuffling sound. A sharp snap of metal 
grating against metal. A shaft of light darted through the hatch. 

Like a statue she remained still. A mutter, a murmur and then darkness 
again. She held her breath for a few moments longer. The rattle didn't 
come. She let out the breath, nearly falling into a racking cough. She 
stifled it and slowed her breathing. 

Maybe they wouldn't come for her tonight. Maybe....

                         *******************

Daniel awoke with a start, cursing as he realized he hadn't been 
dreaming. Everything was slightly blurred. He shook his head to clear it 
then realized his glasses were missing. He couldn't remember where they'd 
gone. 

The room was vast and full of people. They were eating, heartily. The 
smell was intoxicating. His stomach had been deprived for so long it 
ached and rumbled. 

His hands were tied behind his back, he'd been thrown in the corner after 
the last beating. Things weren't so busy when he'd passed out. As he 
flexed his left leg, pain arced up through his knee. "Shit," he cursed. 

One of warriors headed towards him. "'Rebarch tu druand,'" he snapped. 

Daniel ducked the punch. The large warrior grabbed his short brown hair 
and slammed his head against the wall. He covered Daniel's mouth. Daniel 
understood. //Keep quiet.// Hell of a way to learn the language. The 
large one went back to his seat and the meal continued uninterrupted. 

Daniel Jackson tried to listen to the many voices and strained to pick 
out anything he understood. He knew so many languages that there had to 
be some connection. They were after all human... At least genetically. 
He'd often thought that this was the best part about the SGC. The 
opportunity to observe different, often ancient, Earth cultures at first 
hand. It was a job many anthropologists would kill for if they knew such 
an opportunity existed. This dinner would have been fun, if only they 
didn't keep hitting him, and he knew where the others were. His stomach 
rumbled again. He listened.

                         *******************

Jack O'Neill was all but sure he was back in Iraq. Nothing was broken 
this time, actually he was in pretty good shape, considering. Besides, it 
didn't smell like Iraq. 

Teal'c, he knew, was in the cell next door. Junior was working overtime, 
the locals didn't take too kindly to resistance. 

Jack's own face was swollen and bloodied. When they came the second time 
he'd limped up and taken what they gave without fighting back. No sense 
in making things worse. Iraq had taught him that much. But this was 
different. In Iraq at least they'd asked him questions. They wanted to 
know everything. Something, *anything*. 

Jack didn't have a clue who his captors were, nor what they wanted. It 
was all very strange. It didn't follow normal interrogation patterns for 
any enemy he'd ever fought. But then they'd not been to this planet 
before and this lot wouldn't have heard of the Geneva Convention anyway. 

He shivered, the temperature was dropping again. Jack O'Neill, Colonel, 
United States Air Force and commander of SG-1 curled up into a fetal 
ball, trying to conserve heat. There were no blankets. He had to think of 
a way out of this. 

He hadn't seen Daniel or Carter since they had surrendered. 
//Surrendered.// In retrospect that still seemed like the worst decision 
he had ever made... ever. Even though it had merit at the time, now he 
wasn't so sure. //No, don't go there.// He'd had this conversation with 
Teal'c twice today already. They were vastly outnumbered and cut off from 
the Stargate. 'I cannot think of an alternative course of action, 
O'Neill, in which we were not killed instantly'. He had a point, dammit. 
But where the hell was Carter, and if they were doing this to them, what 
would they do to her? 

Jack smiled to himself, hoping that this lot had a paradisaical harem, 
then he caught himself and hoped that they hadn't gotten round to trying 
the new girl yet. Carter would be okay, she was a tough cookie, she could 
look after herself. He pushed the other thoughts from his mind. An active 
imagination was not a good thing at times like these. She and Daniel were 
probably enjoying the hospitality and trying to secure their freedom. 

Soon, it wouldn't matter anyway. They were overdue and Hammond had 
probably already sent out a search party. He hoped they came in numbers. 
//Big numbers. Marines, and lots of em...// They might need SG-9. 
Diplomats have their uses and it might be the quickest way to stop the 
tide of bad feeling that was washing over him right now. His team was 
split up and no amount of wishful thinking was going to make that better. 

He was really worried about Carter. These guys weren't very nice and it 
suddenly occurred to him that he had not seen any women except Carter 
since they came through the gate. The harem idea seemed the most 
attractive, but he didn't want to think about it anymore. 

He whispered to Teal'c. There was no reply. //Probably still in 
Kelnoreem,// he figured. He turned over and tried to get comfortable. 
He'd try again later. 

                         *******************

She wasn't entirely sure how she'd got into this state. Normally she 
prided herself in being well turned out. A neat and tidy slender woman, 
who could stand straight in any situation with confidence in herself and 
her team. 

She rubbed the side of her head, it was sore. Her shirt and combat pants 
were also stained with her own blood. A couple of cuts were still oozing. 
She lay awake in the cold, dark cell, desperate to keep still and quiet. 
It was hard not to move from the shivering. 

Suddenly it started deep in her chest and rumbled through her body. Tears 
welled up as she tried to stop the eruption, she failed. The rich red 
blood frothed as her racking cough cut though the silence of the still 
evening. 

The movement was there again, the shaft of light. 

She couldn't keep still, she coughed again and again. 

The keys rattled in the door. They entered the room. 

She squinted against the light, and drew herself back into the corner 
like a frightened animal. Now she couldn't stop shaking. She sniffed, as 
they advanced closer. One was saying something to her, quietly, almost 
comforting but he was grinning. She drew her legs up making herself 
smaller. It hurt to move and she rested her head on her knees, letting 
her blond, blood-matted hair spill over them. 

In one swift move they pulled her roughly from the bed and out into the 
corridor. Her heart raced, this was different. Where were they taking her 
now? Back to the others? She was coughing again, no blood this time, but 
the pain was so intense she tried to speak but couldn't. They led her 
through a darkened corridor, there were lots of doors, most had the cell 
hatches closed. She started to strike up a conversation, but the leading 
guard turned and slapped her face and hissed a command at her she guessed 
was 'Silence!' 

As they picked her up from the heap she'd fallen into, she heard it. 
Quiet and muffled in the distance. "Carter?" 

"COLONEL!" she screamed back. 

They fell upon her, pinning her to the cold stone floor. A gag appeared. 
They stuffed it roughly into her mouth. 

She stared coughing again and had to swallow the blood. Tears welled up 
as she was quickly dragged away. She could hear the shouts in the 
distance calling out to her. So Colonel O'Neill was alive. //Where the 
hell are you taking me?// her mind screamed. 

The men pulled her up some steps. It was getting warmer, she could hear a 
background rumble that grew into a hubbub of noise. The sweet smell of 
roasting meat wafted over her and she suddenly realized she hadn't eaten 
since leaving the SGC. Once in the hall she was overwhelmed by the 
intensity of the smell. She looked around desperately. She couldn't see 
any of SG-1 and she couldn't see another woman at all. 

A sickening feeling settled in her stomach. Yesterday had eclipsed her 
all time bad day record but she didn't think it could get any worse. 
Suddenly she realized it could be. There were worse things than dying.

                         *******************

Jack's head slammed back against the wall. Again. His blood boiled. 
Carter's voice had been cut off, he'd heard her cry out in pain. He 
didn't like it. The men left, shouting obscenities at him. The was 
something about swear words that cut across the language barrier. He 
uselessly hurled a few of his own, and rubbed at his head. Another bump 
was forming. At this rate he'd look like the elephant man by morning. 

Teal'c's voice rumbled from the next cell. "It will do no good to provoke 
them, O'Neill".

"Provoke them? Whadda you mean provoke *them*. They're the ones doing the 
provoking. Teal'c, if they've hurt Carter I'll..."

"You have said many times that Major Carter is capable of looking after 
herself, O'Neill. I believe that she is, and so must you."

"Teal'c," Jack closed his eyes, tiredly, "take a look at us, Teal'c. I 
don't think we're doing a great job of looking after ourselves here. What 
chance does she have? Did you see any women here? I dunno, I..." his 
voice trailed off.

"We will prevail, O'Neill," Teal'c intoned firmly. "Now we must rest and 
grow strong again."

"Yeah," Jack mumbled, "strong enough to kick their sorry little asses 
across the galaxy."

                         *******************

Dr. Daniel Jackson's inquisitive mind had taken over. He was absorbing 
the cacophony of voices and analyzing everything he saw. This was the 
first time he'd seen a social group of these "people". 

They were dressed in a combination of ancient Egyptian and Arabian 
costume. There were no women present in the room, the servers were young 
men. Most of the warriors at the tables were swathed in ponchos of heavy 
cloth, woven in stripes, the colors were muted greens and browns, like 
camouflage. Jack had called them 'Ponchos' when they were captured. It 
was as good a name as any for them. 

Their weapons were mainly hand to hand instruments. During SG-1's capture 
and imprisonment he'd seen only knives, blow pipes - with who-knew-what 
on the darts - and bows and arrows. The Ponchos had played around with 
their weapons, but hadn't figured out the safety catches and had just 
thrown them into the river. 

The conversation was getting interesting at the table closest to him, he 
narrowed his mind and focused on the two voices. They were speaking in a 
low conspiratorial tone, it was like Egyptian, but a dialect so obscure 
he was struggling to catch anything more than the odd word. 
"*Warriors...enemy... strangers...*" They looked over at him, not looking 
pleased. Daniel thought it best to look away. They laughed heartily and 
returned to their meal.

There was a scuffle in the far corner of the room and everyone's 
attention turned in that direction. Daniel stood up to see better. A 
guard pushed him back to the floor. 

The cooing and whistling spread as the entourage picked its way across 
the hall. There were several guards and in the middle they were dragging 
something. His stomach sank as he recognized the matted mop of hair and 
combat fatigues. He stood up again and called across the room, "SAM!" 

The mop snapped round to his direction, his guard was pushing him towards 
her. She was a mess. Her hands were tied behind her and she was gagged. 
"Sam," he was still saying, "Sam. Jesus, what have they done to you?" 

He was beside her now and he could see the desperation in her eyes. She 
coughed, a sickening, guttural cough. Blood leaked out the side of the 
gag. 

"Sam, everything's gonna be okay." He lied, feeling he had to say 
something. 

Someone kicked him in the back and he tumbled onto her. She cried out, 
causing the crowd cheer. Someone hoisted them both to their knees as the 
baying mob fell silent. 

Suddenly he realized they were now in front of the leader. He was 
pointing at them and making a speech. Daniel caught only a few words. 
"*Enemy... spies... justice for the fallen...*" then he looked directly 
at Daniel and spoke softly, "*...Reveal...*" The rest was a garble. 

"I don't understand what he's saying," Daniel muttered to Sam. "It's 
something about revealing something. But what?" 

Daniel looked up, he spoke the Egyptian equivalent of 'I don't 
understand.' This earned him a kick in the small of his back. 

Sam squeaked from behind her gag, pleading with Daniel to make some sense 
of it. 

"Sam I don't get it. It's so obscure I..." 

The leader had advanced towards them and was now standing over them both. 
He spoke several words very slowly and clearly and ended the sentence 
with a gesture at Sam. 

Sam's eyes pleaded for a translation but Daniel didn't have one. He 
shrugged and tried the 'I don't understand' line again. 

The leader barked angrily and signaled a guard, who began to circle Sam 
menacingly. 

Daniel desperately started babbling in the ancient language closest to 
the natives. 

The guard stopped in front of them and cradled Carter's face in his hand. 
She recognized him from before, but there was a deeper recognition too. 
She'd seen this face at the SGC. Her mind was so cloudy she couldn't 
place where. The man gripped her chin and squeezed hard. She forced a 
defiant stare onto her face. Suddenly he slapped her on the already 
growing bruise on her cheek. She reeled under the blow, letting only a 
small noise escape as she doubled over.

Daniel Jackson called out to the leader and was shouting '*NO*!' as loud 
as he could muster. The leader silenced the crowd with a hand. Sam Carter 
straightened herself up. "Please, stop! I just don't understand what you 
want from us." Daniel added.

The leader leaned down over Daniel and repeated his slow sentence. His 
breath was heavy with alcohol. He drew back, Daniel tried another 
language. The leader settled slowly back into his chair, and motioned for 
Sam to be brought forward. She was hoisted to her feet then dumped in 
front of him. He looked her up and down slowly. He reached out and lifted 
up her shirt. Carter held her breath. The leader scowled at the bruising 
and pulled the shirt back into place. "Kritch marr darch megth." The 
guards nodded respectfully and dragged her away. 

"Where are you taking her? Sam? Sam, I'll figure this out! I will!" His 
eyes met with hers as she was dragged away.

                         *******************

Carter and her tormentors headed back down into the dungeon. Now she 
started to feel really alone and empty. This wasn't the way she intended 
for it to end. She didn't know why this was happening. None of it made 
sense. She knew she was badly hurt. If she took another beating she 
probably wouldn't survive it. On the other hand, if they just left her in 
that cold cell overnight she might not wake up. Ever. 

Where the hell was SG-6?  SG-6 always came, like four coming after 
three.... 

//Not this time...//

Considering every mess she and SG-1 had got into and out of over the 
years, it struck her as a useless and really stupid way to die. 

                         *******************

SG-6 were the sneaks. They thrived on sneaking in, looking around and 
making the dramatic rescue. But Parker's wasn't adversed to calling in 
the big guns when necessary, which usually meant SG-3. 

Parker and his team had passed through the gate and reccied the enemy 
stronghold from a ridge. As a covert insertion team they had avoided 
contact with the hostiles and laid low. Parker couldn't get used to the 
idea of turning up on a planet and saying "take me to your leader". That 
was usually how SG-1 operated and, more often than not, how they got into 
trouble. This was probably no different to the dozen other times he'd 
gone looking for this team before when they were overdue.  Parker smiled 
to himself remembering some of the stupid excuses... 

On arrival they hadn't met much resistance and headed towards the town 
lights. They hadn't seen any evidence of SG-1 until they took a shortcut 
across the shallow river where they found SG-1's 9mm sidearms and MP5s. 
The weapons were still loaded, magazines full and safeties on. Very odd. 
SG-1 were obviously here. Somewhere. 

                         *******************

At the base of the main building in the town, there appeared to be small 
barred windows. Using their laser microphones they had established that 
indeed, Jack O'Neill and Teal'c were being held there. The prisoners were 
quietly discussing if they should have surrendered or not. They had been 
outnumbered and tried the take-me-to-your-leader approach. It appeared to 
have backfired. There was no sign of Major Carter or Dr. Jackson... Well, 
two out of four was good enough to go in. SG-3 would have to make up the 
rest themselves. Parker was slowing realising this wasn't going to be one 
of the funny ones to banter about over the next team leaders meeting.  
No, this time SG-1 had really gotten themselves into trouble and for once 
it didn't look like to Goa'uld were responsible. 

Parker gave the signal for SG-6 to fall back to their rendezvous point. 

"Sounded like they're having a party," Parker muttered to his second, 
Croft.

"Yeah, and we're about to crash it." 

They jogged back to the gate slowing only to traverse the river more 
quietly. The two warriors on guard at the gate had been easy to 
neutralize. SG-3 poured through the gate on time. It hissed as the 
wormhole collapsed and then all was quiet again. The plans were 
finalized. SG-3 and SG-6 all formed up and moved out silently to join the 
party.

                         *******************

2

The SG teams were close, they lived and worked at close quarters, in 
alien, and often hostile environments. They looked out for each other, 
they took care of business and kicked butt when necessary. SG-3 
particularly liked the direct, frontal approach. Lots of noise and 
pyrotechnics. But this didn't seem like the right time. Colonel Morgan 
had stepped up to take over SG-3 after the departure of the disgraced 
Colonel Makepeace. It hadn't taken him long to earn the trust and respect 
of his team. Now he led them quietly and invisibly towards the target. 
Parker had his laser mike out again. He was pointing it towards the 
little cell windows on the south side of the building where he had heard 
O'Neill and Teal'c earlier on.

                         *******************

A soft mumble drifted across the open ground and between the trees. In 
his cell, Jack could now hear the raucous laughter. "Seems like we're 
missing the party, Teal'c."

"So it would seem."

"Cassie's birthday tonight, too."

"The celebration will wait for our return."

"Teal'c, kids hate you missing their birthdays, its like the one thing 
you just can't get away with."

"I believe that Cassandra will understand, O'Neill."

"Yeah, maybe. If we ever get to tell her."

"We will."

"Yeah..." Jack's mind wandered for a moment. "Damn," he cursed, "I missed 
the final too."

"Final of what?" Teal'c asked flatly.

"The cup, Teal'c, the Stanley Cup. You remember, we were all going to 
that hockey game?"

"I remember"

"Well it was last night."

"Who triumphed?" Teal'c said evenly.

Jack raised his eyes to the heavens. "That's just what I was thinking."

                         *******************

Parker was smiling, "Definitely O'Neill and Teal'c, Colonel, they're 
talking about hockey."

"Any sign of the others?" Morgan asked.

"No sir, I'll try around the other side." Morgan nodded and waved him 
forward. He signaled to the flank to go around and cover Parker.

"Midge," Morgan called over his second in command, "what do you think 
they're up to, there are hardly any guards."

"Too busy partying sir, maybe we should hang out until there're really 
drunk."

"Mmmn, let's wait here for Parker to report then we'll move. When's sun-
up?"

Midge checked his watch and did the sums, "About 5 hours sir."

"Good, we've got some time then."

                         *******************

O'Neill had dozed off when he heard the hubbub in the corridor. The door 
to his cell rattled open, he stood up ready to charge the entrance but 
something was shoved unceremoniously through the door into a heap in 
front of him. "Carter!" She coughed once and then laid still. He tried to 
rouse her, calling her name and shaking her gently as the door slammed 
shut.

"Colonel O'Neill?" Teal'c inquired.

"Jesus, Teal'c, she's been beaten up. She looks pretty bad." He untied 
her hands then lifted her off the cold, stone floor. She stirred and 
recoiled as he touched her. "It's okay, Sam, its me, Jack, I'm not gonna 
hurt you." 

One side of her face was so swollen she couldn't open her right eye. The 
other blinked open and struggled to see in the dim moonlight. "Colonel?"

"Yeah, Carter, I'm here, you're gonna be okay" he soothed.

"Carter, have you seen Daniel?"

"Yessir.." she muttered distantly.

"Carter?" O'Neill's snap made her eyes widen in terror for an instant. 

"Sir?"

"Carter, where is Daniel?  Is he okay?"

She blinked, letting her dazed mind formulate an answer.  "Main hall..." 
she shuddered. "They keep asking him...  Stuff..."

"What kinda stuff?"

She shook her head "He doesn't know..." 

"Well don't worry, if anyone can talk us out of this it's Daniel."

She shook her head sadly. "He doesn't get it..." she muttered.

Her eyes wandered around the dingy cell. "Teal'c?"

"I am here, Major Carter, in the next cell."

Satisfied, her eyes bobbed shut.  Then a cough rumbled deep in her chest 
and exploded out of her in a frothing mess.

"Jesus Carter!" O'Neill exclaimed. 

"Ribs," Carter managed as the cough subsided. She started to lift up her 
shirt. 

O'Neill pulled it up halfway and winced. 

"Bad?" she asked. 

He pulled the shirt back into place. "Not great, Carter, but you'll be 
just fine." He gently pushed the hair out of her eyes and smiled at her. 
"Don't worry, I won't try and put a splint on 'em." She grimaced a half 
smile and coughed lightly. 

"Look Carter, its gonna get a lot colder in here and we need to rest. 
Slide over and you can hang onto me."

"Just like Antarctica," she wheezed.

"Nothing could be that damn cold, but we haven't got blankets, so snuggle 
up." O'Neill let her drape herself over him. She wriggled a little trying 
to get comfortable then settled, holding him tightly. O'Neill was 
deliciously warm in the chilly air. A similar thought crossed his own 
mind as he wrapped his arm gently around her.

"Try and get some sleep, Major. We'll figure this out in the morning."

"Yessir," she whispered sleepily.

                         *******************

O'Neill had dozed off when scuffling broke out again. They appeared to be 
opening Teal'c's cell.

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c was saying, "Daniel Jackson, wake up."

"Teal'c?"

"Daniel Jackson is unconscious, O'Neill. But alive. He has also been 
beaten, but I do not believe he is seriously injured."

"Great, so we're back together. Any bright ideas?" 

"I believe your suggested course of action is still valid. We should 
rest, recuperate and attempt an escape in the morning."

"Make sure Danny doesn't get cold, Teal'c, you'll need to share..."

"I will 'snuggle up' as you suggest. Goodnight, O'Neill." 

"Goodnight, Teal'c." Jack O'Neill looked down to his chest. Sam's head 
rested lightly on him, she was breathing shallowly but steadily. He 
brushed her hair out of her eyes again, exposing the black and purple 
eye. "Goodnight, Sam." 

She murmured a reply to him.

"Goodnight, Jim Bob," O'Neill said absentmindedly.

"Colonel O'Neill, you have not yet explained who 'Jim Bob' is."

O'Neill smiled. "Walton, Teal'c. Jim Bob Walton."

"Why do you say goodnight to him, when he is not here."

"It's a TV thing, Teal'c. Like when I called you Lucy that time."

"I still do not understand, O'Neill."

"Another time then, Teal'c. Let's just get some sleep."

                         *******************

Parker switched to his next box of tricks, radar tracking goggles. The 
walls were thick. Too thick to blast from the outside without harming the 
occupants of the cells. But he could still monitor movement of bodies 
from one place to another. He'd already told Morgan that they couldn't 
blast their way in. They had agreed they'd have to go through the doors. 
Parker shifted his position, it looked like there was no one in the cells 
on this side of the building and there were no guards.

                         *******************

Croft was still monitoring the movements of guards on the south side. He 
noticed the movements towards O'Neill's and Teal'c's cells and then the 
guards leaving. Now there were two targets in each cell. 

"Sierra Golf Six-One this is Sierra Golf Six-Four. Packages now together, 
return to RV point."

Parker acknowledged the message, slipped off his goggles and started back 
to Croft. 

"That's some party they're having," Croft muttered to Parker as he slid 
into cover beside him. "Bunch of guards put two more in with O'Neill and 
Teal'c while you were round the other side, look. I couldn't use the 
laser cos a couple of guards were wandering about, but there's definitely 
two of them there," Croft continued. "Probably Carter with O'Neill. 
Sounds like they've both been knocked around, they've settled down for 
the night."

Parker scanned the area himself. "Cozy." 

"If it is Carter, can you blame him?"

"Not really. So we got two next door too." Further away he could make out 
the shades of a couple of people on the other side of the cells. Guards. 
He scanned the rest of the base of the building and couldn't see anything 
else. He weighed up the odds that Carter and Jackson had been returned to 
O'Neill and Teal'c. He liked them. "Whadda you think, Croft?"

"I think they just put all their eggs in one basket," he smiled.

"Yup, and look the guards are moving away too."

"Party animals, I guess. It's probably a good time to hit 'em. Let's get 
back to Morgan." The two of them crawled backwards off the brow of the 
ridge and slipped into the shadows.

                         *******************

Morgan drew a plan in the dirt and the team gathered round for the 
briefing. It appeared that all but five guards on the main entrance had 
now joined the growing party upstairs. That made things easier. Only four 
guards were left outside the target cells.

                         *******************

Everyone had their positions, it was quiet entry and exit.

"Overall," Morgan summed up, "get in, grab our people and get out. 
Quietly, now, no heroics and no fire-fights. Shoot only when you have to 
and keep it damn quiet when you do. They'll be drunk but they can't be 
that stupid. Everyone goes home tonight people, that's what we came here 
to do." He looked around at his men as they nodded in agreement. "Let's 
kick some ass." 

The huddle broke and the men fanned out with expert precision. They 
advanced through the moonlit night, silently, carefully, purposefully.

                         *******************

They were playing cards, or something like cards anyway. They didn't see 
or hear the silenced bullets coming. They fell where they sat. Getting in 
was easy. The team moved on. Parker went first, leading the way through 
the dimly lit hallways. 

Outside, Croft was monitoring their progress. "No one in the area," he 
reported to Parker. "They just went upstairs." 

Morgan halted the team and signaled their next moves. 

                         *******************

Michael "Midge" Clark led half the team in securing the exit. Morgan 
continued with the rest of the team through the hallways.

"*O'Neill and Teal'c should be close by. They look like they're asleep,*" 
Croft's voice in his ear stated softly. "*No sign of hostiles... Stop. 
The next two are the target.*"

Morgan knocked softly on the first door. O'Neill woke up with a start. 
"Colonel? Teal'c?" a voice whispered. 

O'Neill got up. "Morgan? Is that you?" 

"Hold tight, Colonel, just looking for the keys. You got Major Carter and 
Jackson in there?" 

"I've got Carter, Daniel's with Teal'c. They're hurt pretty bad. Who's 
with you?"

"Just SG-3 and SG-6 sir, surgical extraction."

The key turned and the door groaned open. Morgan blinded Jack with his 
flashlight. O'Neill winced. "Sorry, Colonel, you good to go?"

"Anywhere but here... Carter's got broken ribs and God knows what else." 

Parker helped O'Neill lift Carter and sit her on the edge of the bed. She 
awoke with a start. A face, blackened and smeared appeared in front of 
her. "Major Carter?" the face said. 

She squinted. "Oh God." Tears of relief welled up. "Major Parker?"

"Sshhhh," he hissed. "You injured?" 

"Ribs," she nodded. "Hard to breathe."

"Good to go?" 

She nodded vigorously this time. 

Parker dug into his pack, pulling out two heavy camouflage jackets. He 
tossed one to O'Neill and set about helping Carter into the other one. 
"Okay, let's move out." 

Parker helped O'Neill lift the Major to her feet. She winced against the 
searing pain, but boosted by a surge of adrenaline and hope she managed 
to plant her feet solidly.

                         *******************

Franson appeared in the doorway with Teal'c, holding Jackson, still 
unconscious, between them. Teal'c looked pretty good. Jack could feel the 
crusty scabs on his temples and figured he must look pretty bad. 

Teal'c offered them a rare smile. "It is good to see you all."

"Later," Morgan urged. "We have an escape to make."

                         *******************

Morgan and Midge led their charges out across the open ground and to the 
trees, ducking for cover between the bushes. The group was moving more 
slowly towards Croft now. Carter appeared to be struggling to keep up. 
She and Parker were lagging behind. "Come on, Major," Croft whispered. 
Someone dropped back to help them along. They sped up and soon crashed 
into the hollow, breathing heavily. 

Suddenly an alarm sounded in the distance. "Let's move!" Morgan stated. 
"NOW". They picked themselves up and started running. They splashed 
through the river as Morgan signaled Hudson at the Stargate on his radio, 
all was well and the run in was clear. 

Ponchos started pouring out of the entrance to the enemy building. Their 
shouts grew louder and echoed across the open ground. Everyone was 
running now. Teal'c had hoisted Daniel over his shoulder and was getting 
ahead. O'Neill's lungs burned from the sudden exertion and cool night 
air. He was next to Carter now, pulling her along with the tide of 
marines, Parker at her side. She forced air into her lungs as she 
stumbled forwards as fast as she could, every breath racked with pain. 
She was getting dizzy. She could see the gate now. Someone was dialing on 
the DHD.

The Ponchos flooded across the plain and started up the rise. Morgan and 
Midge, covering the rear, let rip a blast of machine gun fire into the 
night sky as the Stargate sputtered into life. The Ponchos scattered. 

Hudson sent the iris code and motioned them forward. SG-3 formed up round 
the gate and fired high in the air, Morgan and Midge turned and dashed 
for the gate. They all paused for a few seconds. 

"Go Go Go" Morgan screamed. 

Parker scrambled up the steps and leapt through with O'Neill and Carter 
in tow. Teal'c followed with Jackson. Moments later the rest of SG-3 and 
SG-6 collapsed in behind them. Morgan took one quick look round to make 
sure everyone was through, then he nodded to Midge. They both jumped. 

                         *******************

3

The klaxon pulled Hammond from his daydream with a start.

"Incoming traveler!" Sergeant Davis announced.

He rushed down the stairs to the control room. "Who is it?" he barked.

"SG-3 signal, sir. Opening iris."

The huge metal cover slid back from the gate revealing the shimmering 
event horizon of the wormhole.

                         *******************

Parker tumbled from it first, rolling halfway down the ramp in a 
controlled fall. "Medics!" he shouted. He leapt back up ready to catch 
the others. O'Neill came next, cradling Carter against him. They stumbled 
down the ramp at Parker's insistence. Teal'c and Franson emerged, Daniel 
slung between them, then the rest of SG-3 and SG-6 poured through, 
tumbling over one another.

"Close the iris!" Morgan ordered as he came through. It hissed closed. 
The wormhole disengaged and the embarkation room fell momentarily silent.

                         *******************

Teal'c deposited the limp body of Daniel Jackson on a trolley which 
disappeared, Dr Fraiser at his side. Franson went with them.

Across the room, Carter coughed and cried out. Jack lifted up her head, 
she was frothing at the mouth, rich bright red blood. Crying, she doubled 
over and collapsed in a heap, covering him with her blood as she 
continued coughing. He'd led her to the side out of way of the incoming 
soldiers. "Over here!" he called out to another medical team entering the 
room. "It's all right, Carter. It's all right. You're gonna be just fine. 
We're home now." She shuddered, more blood came up. "Medic!" he shouted 
again, and they were there. "It's all right, Sam."

"Help me..." she gasped, "Please..." She screamed as someone tried to 
move her to the gurney. She started to fight, then the pain welled up and 
she was washed away. 

Teal'c now leant over Carter, scooped her up in his arms, and set her 
down gently on the gurney. The medics rushed out of the room with O'Neill 
and Teal'c close behind.

                         *******************

"Colonel Morgan!" Hammond barked through the intercom.

Morgan looked up and saluted. "SG-1, 3 and 6 all present, sir!"

Hammond returned the salute. "See to your men, Colonel. We'll de-brief in 
20 minutes!"

"Yes sir!"

"Everyone in one piece?" Several of SG-3 rolled out from the pile on the 
ramp. "SIR, YES SIR!" they barked in unison. 

"Okay, everyone head for the infirmary. Normal post-gate protocols."

"Sir, yes sir" they picked themselves up and moved, chattering softly, en 
masse to the infirmary.

                         *******************

Fraiser hadn't seen the state of Sam when she came through the gate. 
Teal'c had handed Daniel to her, unconscious. She rushed back to the 
infirmary at his bedside barking orders for IV's and monitors. Warner was 
waiting for her. "How many Doctor?" 

"I don't know, SG-3 looked okay." She turned to the marine who had 
accompanied Daniel through the gate. "Franson?" 

"Ma'am, sir. No injuries were sustained by SG-3 or SG-6. We found Dr 
Jackson unconscious and Major Carter didn't look too great but she was 
mobile. I think Colonel O'Neill was beaten up too. Teal'c looked okay."

"Thank you, Captain," Warner said. "Can you wait over there and keep the 
rest of your teams out of the way for a while. Someone will check you out 
as soon as we can."

"Yes sir." Franson wandered out of the way and sat down on the edge of a 
cot. He watched silently as the medics buzzed over their patient like 
honey bees.

                         *******************

She jumped back into consciousness in the elevator. The stark light 
burned at her eyes and she doubled up and cried out. Teal'c and O'Neill 
tried to hold her down to stop her rolling off the gurney. She struggled 
against them, kicking and screaming with a ferocity O'Neill didn't think 
she possessed. One kick landed Teal'c straight in the stomach. He 
stumbled back against the wall. "NOOOO," she was crying, "LEAVE ME 
ALONE!"

"Jesus, Major, calm down!" O'Neill tried to calm her, holding down her 
arms, another man held her legs.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" she was kicking again, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"MAJOR STAND DOWN!" He shook her arms.

She blinked and swallowed.

"Sam, it's okay, it's me, Jack. We're not gonna hurt you, Carter, we're 
trying to help you."

Tears blurred her vision. Through them she could just about recognize the 
face that went with the voice. "Colonel O'Neill?"

"Yeah, Carter, it's me. Teal'c's here too. You're safe now. We're back in 
the SGC."

She sniffed and blinked then rubbed at her good eye. She looked up at 
Jack and then at Teal'c. Her vision blurred in and out. "Teal'c?" She 
tried to focus. It didn't matter, she could feel his presence close by.

"Yes, Major Carter. You have nothing to fear from us."

"Home?" she whispered.

"Yeah, Carter, we're home again. Doc Fraiser's gonna take real good care 
of you and you're gonna be fine."

The doors opened startling her again, she edged backwards away from the 
crowd at the elevator door. Jack waved his hand in front of her eyes to 
get her attention back on him. She flinched, expecting a blow. "It's 
okay, Sam, just the infirmary." He started to inch the gurney forward out 
of the elevator. Her eyes darted maniacally around the room.

"Please clear this area," Teal'c intoned. An orderly motioned them over 
to a spare cot. "We require to see Dr Fraiser. Immediately." 

"Yessir." He skittered away.

                         *******************

"It's okay, Carter, we're home now." O'Neill repeated softly as he helped 
move her to the edge of the bed.

Her breathing slowed, she closed her eyes and rocked back and forth for a 
moment, her arms wrapped around her body "Daniel." She said finally.  
"Where's Daniel? You didn't leave him there did you?"

"No, no one got left behind, Sam, everyone came back. It's okay. Danny's 
with the Doc now."

"He okay?" 

"He'll be fine, Carter. We're all gonna be fine." He gently held her 
hand, she covered it with her own and held on.

Fraiser took one look at her new patient and whispered a few orders to 
the orderly. Then she slowly approached the head of the bed.

"Hello, Sam," she said quietly.

Sam looked up and recognized her friend. "Janet?"

"Yeah, is it okay if I come closer?"

Sam nodded but hadn't released her grip on the Colonel.

"Sam, I want to help you." Fraiser began.  Sam coughed a spluttering, 
guttural cough. "You're hurt, Sam. I want to help you. Will you let me do 
that?"

She sniffed again and nodded slowly. Fraiser took her friend's hand in 
hers. "Okay, Colonel, could you step out for a minute, Sam and I need 
some time."

Sam's head snapped back up to the colonel's gaze. "It's okay, Carter, 
I'll be right outside. You just call if you want me." Slowly she released 
her grip and O'Neill carefully backed away. Someone drew the curtain 
across, blocking his view of her. Then he could hear Fraiser talking 
slowly and softly.

                         *******************

Teal'c and another medic steered O'Neill to the next cot. "Colonel, is 
this blood yours?" 

Jack looked down. "No," he managed, "only the dried stuff. Jesus, Teal'c, 
what the hell did they do to her?"

"I do not know, O'Neill. I have never known Major Carter to conduct 
herself in such a manner." He rested his hand on his stomach.

"Junior okay?"

"My symbiont and I were not expecting such a blow, but we will recover."

                         *******************

"This will help with the pain, Sam," Fraiser unsheathed the needle. It 
was in her arm and out again before she had time to react. The effect was 
immediate. A tide of peace and painlessness swept over her. She relaxed.

"Is that better, Sam?" Fraiser was saying. She nodded. "Can I take a look 
at you now?" She nodded again.

Janet carefully undid the blood soaked jacket and cut away her t-shirt. 
Underneath Sam Carter was several shades of black and blue. Without 
touching her, Janet could see at least one badly misshapen rib. It had 
probably punctured her lung. She steadied herself with a deep breath and 
continued in soft reassuring tones. 

"Cold," Carter moaned softly.

"Are you cold, Sam?"

"Mmmn."

"Here," Fraiser lifted up the sheet to cover her. She turned to the nurse 
beside her. "Set up for some X-rays; head, c-spine and chest. We'll have 
to see what we can get without moving her too much." 

"Ma'am."

"And, Jason, you'd better tell Dr Warner we're gonna have to prep for 
surgery."

The nurse nodded and left quickly.

"It's okay," Fraiser continued softly, "nothing to worry about. We'll 
knock you out and get you fixed up. Okay?"

Sam nodded, her eyes thanking the Doctor. "Hurts," she moaned again.

"I know, just a few minutes, okay? Maxine will stay with you until I get 
back."

She nodded.

"Doctor," Rayner started, "SG Three and Six have reported for post-gate, 
ma'am."

Fraiser glanced from the chart she was making notes in. Around twenty 
Marines and Airmen stood in a tight knot. They'd removed their weapons 
and gear but their faces were still smeared with camouflage paint.

"I need to scrub in, are any of them injured?"

"No, ma'am, just need post-gate."

"Well, have them wash up and come back in an hour. Be ready for them when 
they get back."

"Yes, ma'am."

Fraiser surveyed her domain, deep under the mountain. She watched the men 
drift reluctantly away. They just wanted to be near. She thought about 
calling MacKenzie. It could wait. She had other work to do. She pushed 
those thoughts from her mind and headed for Pre-Op.

                         *******************

4

"Colonel O'Neill?"

"Doc."

Fraiser examined his chart critically. Moderate to severe bruising, no 
fractures, no sign of concussion. "How are you feeling?"

O'Neill stretched his arms out in front of him, and took a deep breath. 
"Stiff. A little tired."

"That's not surprising, Colonel, you've had quite a trip."

"Danny and Carter?"

"Doctor Jackson has a concussion, some bumps and bruises but nothing 
serious. He's gonna have a great headache when he wakes up but he should 
be fine."

"Carter?"

Fraiser hugged her clipboard. "She's in the ICU. She has a couple of 
cracked ribs on the left side and one more serious fracture on the 
right."

"How bad?"

"It happened yesterday, she'd been in a lot of pain for over a day and 
she was almost exhausted." O'Neill stared ahead trying to absorb the 
information. He'd been there himself in Antarctica, he knew how much 
broken ribs hurt. Fraiser was still talking, "You should know we've put 
her on a ventilator."

His head snapped round. "A *ventilator*, you mean she can't breathe?"

"No, no, no," she soothed, "she *is* breathing on her own, the ventilator 
is just helping her." Jack did not look convinced. "Let me explain. One 
of the ribs is broken in two places and it's moving around. As you 
breathe in your chest expands, your ribs move out and pull the air in. 
Sam's broken rib is moving the wrong way. She wasn't getting enough air 
in her lungs. The ventilator recognizes when she's trying to breathe in 
and forces in some extra air to inflate the lungs properly. The rib is 
pushed out with the rest of the ribcage. Sam makes the effort and the 
ventilator does the work for her. Okay?"

"Right." O'Neill rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "Can I see 
her?"

"Not right now, she's sedated. Why don't we see about getting you some 
rest and you can go see her in the morning." Fraiser smiled and gripped 
his hand gently. 

"What time is it anyway?" 

Fraiser checked her watch. "Twenty three hundred hours, Colonel, Tuesday. 
Did you get much sleep off planet?"

"A little." His mind was wandering again.

"Well, I'll give you something to help."

"Okay," he muttered distantly.

Fraiser nodded to a nurse who handed her the syringe. "There," she said, 
"now you just settle down and we'll talk in the morning." Fraiser 
adjusted the older man's pillows and covers. Slowly his eyes bobbed and 
he slipped into a deep sleep.

                         *******************

Fraiser finished talking to General Hammond and stifled a yawn. She'd 
been up for too long herself. It had been a hard day. Cassandra's 
birthday wasn't supposed to end like this. But then, at least she could 
tell the girl that her friends were back on Earth. And alive. Fraiser 
checked the last couple of things on SG-1's charts and left via the ICU. 
Sam was stable and breathing steadily. The ventilator hissed with the ebb 
and flow of air. It was a restful sound, like waves crashing on a beach. 
She held Carter's hand for a few moments and left, smiling at Teal'c who 
had planted himself in the corner of his friend's room. "She'll be fine, 
Teal'c. You should get some rest yourself."

"I will remain," he said stony faced. "Should Major Carter awaken, she 
may require reassurance."

"Okay, Teal'c, I'll see you in the morning." She left glancing back 
momentarily to her charges. //They'll be just fine...//

                         *******************

Up top the sun was shining brightly in the sky. It was a fresh summer 
day. In the mountain it was the regular comfortable 70 degrees but down 
in the infirmary there was no sunlight to brighten the day.

Colonel O'Neill was sitting in a chair at Carter's side. He looked 
terrible. His face was now turning black and purple, his eyes were sunken 
and withdrawn. 

"Good morning, Colonel, Teal'c, and how are we this morning?"

"I am well, Doctor Fraiser," Teal'c supplied. "Colonel O'Neill has just 
joined us."

"Colonel?"

"Uh?" Jack looked up for the first time. "Sorry, Doc, what did you say?"

Fraiser busied herself with 'Carter's charts and adjusted a few knobs on 
the machines. "I asked how you were."

"Oh, I'm okay," he said distantly, "how 'bout Carter?"

"Resting comfortably. Her sats are up."

O'Neill's eyebrows rose in question. "That's good isn't it?"

"Yes, Colonel, it is."

"Good..." his mind wandered and his voice trailed off. His eyes bobbing 
shut sleepily.

Fraiser put her hand gently on his shoulder. "Why don't you go back to 
bed, Colonel. Major Carter will be asleep for a while yet. You can come 
back later."

"No, I should be here when she wakes up."

"Colonel, you need to rest. Teal'c can stay. Now don't make me order 
you."

"But..."

"Please, Jack..."

"I will remain here, O'Neill. I will inform you as soon as Major Carter 
awakens."

"Okay." He let Fraiser lead him away as she quietly reminded herself to 
up his dose of sedative next time. 

Teal'c sat down beside Carter and closed his eyes to meditate.

                         *******************

Daniel Jackson had been restless for some time. His sheets were becoming 
soaked with sweat and he tossed and turned. Soon, his mumbling grew 
louder. Teal'c moved to his side and shook him awake with a start. "SAM!" 
he exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. He ducked back again as a searing 
pain lanced through his head. "Ow!"

"It is all right Daniel Jackson, we have been rescued." Teal'c handed 
Daniel his spare glasses. 

Daniel put them on and everything slid into focus. "But, Teal'c, where's 
Sam, they took her away."

"And delivered her to Colonel O'Neill's cell, shortly before yourself. We 
were later rescued by SG-3 and 6."

"Teal'c, she was hurt really bad."

"As were you, Daniel Jackson."

Jackson rubbed at his head and ribs, they were sore. "I guess..." He 
scanned the immediate area and spotted Colonel O'Neill in the next bed 
but he couldn't see her. "Where is she?"

"Major Carter is in intensive care, she will survive, as will we all."

"Hello there Doctor Jackson, good to have you back with us." Dr Warner's 
bright and cheery voice cut through the quiet. "How are you feeling?"

"How's Sam?"

"She's next door, she has rib fractures, we're helping her with 
breathing, but she should be fine."

"Can I see her?"

"Let's check you out first. Can't have you keeling over on us."

Warner asked him some questions about the date, where he was and his 
name. He shone a light in his eyes and made a few notes. "I'll get a 
chair and you can sit with her for a few minutes."

"Okay."

                         *******************

Martouf stepped through the shimmering gate alone.

"Martouf," General Hammond greeted him solemnly.

"General Hammond."

"I was hoping that Jacob would respond personally to my message," Hammond 
stated.

"My apologies, General, but Jacob and Selmak are away and cannot be 
contacted. I asked the High Council to attend in thier place. Perhaps I 
can be of assistance?"

Martouf looked around the gate room. There were a lot of unhappy faces, 
and no one from SG-1 had come to greet him. "Is SG-1 off world?" he 
asked.

"No, Martouf. Please come with me, I'll explain on the way."

                         *******************

Martouf entered the infirmary and halted as he caught sight of Carter. 
She was surrounded by machines and looked deathly pale against the 
blackening bruises. Dr Fraiser was talking to him, explaining what was 
wrong. 

"I am sorry, Doctor," he interrupted. "I am able to help heal her 
injuries, do you have the healing device?"

"We do," Hammond nodded to an airman who scuttled away to fetch it.

Martouf approached the bed and gently cradled Sam's face in his hands. 
"It will not be long, Samantha," he whispered. Her eyes blinked open. 
Martouf's face slid into focus. "Do not try to talk," he said.

Her face screwed up and a single tear dribbled down her cheek. The 
ventilators alarm went off. "Don't fight it, Sam," Fraiser ordered, "just 
breathe slow and easy." Sam lifted her hand up to the tube down her 
throat. "Leave it alone, Sam." Fraiser moved her hand away.

The airman re-appeared clutching the device and Martouf slipped it on. 
"You may remove the tube, Doctor, she will not need it."

Fraiser looked skeptical, but agreed, She had seen that gadget work in 
the past. Sam was going to be in a lot of pain for weeks. It was worth a 
try. "Okay, Sam, I'm going to take this out, I need you to take a deep 
breath in and when I say, breathe out and cough, okay?"

Sam nodded. 

"Okay," Fraiser disconnected the tube from the ventilator, "Okay, in and 
breathe out."

Carter coughed as Fraiser pulled the tube out, she held her chest and 
winced against the pain.

"Lie still, Samantha." Martouf placed a soothing hand on one shoulder and 
moved her hands to her sides. "It will be uncomfortable for a few 
moments, are you ready?"

She nodded. Martouf held his hand over her chest and channeled energy 
into the device nestled in his palm. Orange light flowed from it making 
her chest glow. She inhaled deeply and held the breath as he continued. 
He moved the beam over her chest, pausing over the fractures. Then the 
light was gone. She exhaled and her chest began to rise and fall softly 
and noiselessly. Her pained expression disappeared and her eyes flickered 
shut. "Thank you," she whispered. 

"Rest now, Samantha." Martouf looked up to Fraiser, "I can do more, 
however she requires to rest first. I am sorry I did not come sooner."

"How long will Jacob be away?"

"We do not know. They have infiltrated a System Lord's court. It is too 
dangerous to attempt to contact them. It may be some time before they 
contact the Tok'ra. I will report to the High Council and then return. 
Please, can you supply the coordinates of this world, so that we may 
avoid it also."

"Of course, we'll give you the details."

"Doctor," Martouf continued, "she should not be in pain, however she will 
be greatly fatigued. I will return in a few hours to complete the 
treatment. Do the others require attention?"

"I think they'll be just fine, but you're welcome to try."

They were not as badly injured and the treatments took seconds. Neither 
man awoke from their sedated states. Fraiser thanked Martouf and he left 
quickly.

                         *******************

True to his word he returned within hours and asked to be taken directly 
to Carter. She was lying on her back, her breathing shallow but steady. 
He began without waking her, sweeping the orange light over her torso and 
then down over the rest of her body. He paused in several places, 
channeling the healing power where it was needed. When he was finished he 
sat silently with her and waited.

It wasn't long before her eyes flickered open. "Samantha," he said, 
sadness clearly in his eyes, "you had many internal injuries. I have done 
my best."

"Thank you," she managed weakly. "Dad?"

"Samantha, I am sorry I could not bring your father to you. It is too 
dangerous to contact him, but I will bring him to you as soon as I can. 
Until then, you must rest."

She nodded sleepily and closed her eyes again drifting into a painless, 
exhausted sleep.

                         *******************

5

The monthly medical review had meandered for most of the morning. Finally 
there was only one more thing for Doctor Fraiser and General Hammond to 
discuss.

"SG-1," he sighed.

"Teal'c is fit and ready. Daniel needs a little more time." He was still 
taking sleeping tablets.

"Carter?"

"Sir, Carter is due to leave the infirmary today, she wants to stay on 
base in case her father arrives."

"Understandable. How is she?"

"Still quite tired, it's the only side effect that the healing device 
seems to have. Physically her injuries have healed. She's lost a little 
weight but I don't think it will take her long to build it back up. She 
needs to rest for a while."

"How about up here?" Hammond tapped his temple.

Fraiser hesitated, "I've offered to set up some appointments with 
MacKenzie but she flatly refused. I've also offered her counseling, she 
says she's fine. It was one of those things. Turn the page. Forget it." 

"Do they need counseling?" 

Janet shrugged. "Sir, they have all coped before, following trauma like 
this. I don't want to force any of them into a situation they are 
uncomfortable with. They have to want to talk. More than anything they 
need to talk to each other. And they are. I don't know what Major Carter 
said to Daniel last week, but he's perked up no end."

"Colonel O'Neill?" Hammond asked.

"Still smarting. He and Carter haven't been around each other much."

"Avoiding each other?" General Hammond asked.

"Possibly. But Major Carter has been sleeping a lot."

"They've all completed their mission reports." Hammond continued, 
flipping open a folder on his desk. "Carter's is quite..."

"Brief." Fraiser supplied. "She did it last week sir, she was still 
pretty tired. Do you want her to expand it?"

"No. It's sufficient for the record," He closed the folder again, "I 
can't help thinking..."

"Sir?"

"Doctor Jackson's assessment of this culture. None of the male SG-1 
members saw a native woman whilst they were there. Where were they?"

"Many cultures segregate their women, especially in combat situations. 
Maybe it was an army barracks?"

"Carter, as far as we know, was the only female on that planet. Doesn't 
that worry you, Doctor?"

She knew where he was going. She'd had that thought herself. Her initial 
examination had turned up so much bruising over Carter's whole body she 
couldn't be sure of anything. When they were alone she had asked her 
directly if there was anything else she wanted to tell her. Sam had said 
no. That was everything. Without evidence to the contrary, she hadn't 
dared push the woman any further.

"I have no evidence to support a hypothesis that anything else happened, 
General. Major Carter has been quite supportive of her team-mates since 
they returned. Despite her obvious exhaustion, she appears to be 
recovering well." Hammond nodded. "However, we've not really been 
demanding anything from her these last two weeks, mostly she's been 
sleeping in the infirmary. I'll keep an eye out for any change when she 
leaves."

"You do that, Doctor, I need SG-1 back in the loop as soon as possible."

"General, we're not looking at a quick solution here. They might need a 
few weeks and some time off before they're ready for off-world duty 
again."

Hammond looked disappointed, but not surprised. "Being cooped up here 
might suit Dr. Jackson and Carter, but you know O'Neill and Teal'c."

"Yes sir, I do."

"Thank you, Doctor." Hammond dismissed her. He flipped open the reports 
folder and read it again. It didn't make him feel any better.

                         *******************

It had been her home for two weeks, mostly she had slept and people had 
stopped by and left, some without her waking, only Teal'c marking their 
comings and goings and filling her in. It was time to move out. Move on. 
As she collected up the few possessions that had made their way here from 
her quarters she silently considered what she would do now. 

                         *******************

They had mentioned nasty stuff in basic, but nothing in training could 
prepare you for when it happened. When it happened to you. They couldn't 
realistically prepare anyone for the stuff that had happened to her, not 
just recently but over the last four years. Torture was such a general 
term. She had been captured and tortured several times since stepping 
through the gate that first, wondrous time. Some methods had been much 
more subtle than others. But she had always coped, even with the invasion 
of her mind. She got past that and she could get past this. 

The whole Jolinar experience had taught her a lot about herself and her 
team-mates. They hurt as she hurt. They had suffered with her as she 
struggled to make sense of it. Now that all seemed to be working out 
nicely. Saving  Dad's life, the alliance with the Tok'ra. But she 
couldn't see how one ounce of good could ever come from the events on 
P4T3DY. No good at all. And she wasn't the only one in pain anyway.

                         *******************

Daniel had been inconsolable. He felt guilty about not figuring out the 
language in time, or at all. He'd been avoiding her, tending to leave 
just as she was waking up and not returning until she was asleep again. 
That had hurt more than anything. So she had started with Daniel. She 
couldn't bear the thought of him beating himself up over it anymore so 
she asked to see him. Teal'c had to frog-march him to her bedside where 
she locked her own pain tightly away and gave him the pep talk of the 
century. 

It had worked. Daniel had started stopping by and chatting to her, even 
reading the newspaper to her when she was tired, keeping her up to date 
on the SGC grapevine. Just like she did when he was sick. But that was 
last week and technically, she wasn't sick anymore. So it was time to go 
home and rest. 

Home, however, wasn't an attractive option. She felt safe down here, 
surrounded by her friends and plenty of armed guards. Nope, her quarters 
would do just fine for now, scratchy blankets, no windows and all. //I 
can do this,// she told herself over and over. //They don't need to know. 
I've been keeping secrets all my life and this is no different. Stay on 
the base and wait for Dad, then figure out the rest.//

                         *******************

Daniel was really sweet. He took her home to collect a few things and 
then came back to the SGC. She kept bumping into him in the corridors 
until she realized he was probably following her, and deliberately doing 
it.

                         *******************

The first night on her own didn't go well. Invaded by hideous nightmares 
she awoke in the early hours overcome with nausea. Crying herself back to 
sleep she was restless and awoke drained and hungry. Instinctively she 
headed to the commissary for breakfast. She didn't make it. The smell of 
bacon cooking wafted down the corridor as she approached. Images flashed 
ferociously through her mind's eye, causing her head to spin and her 
stomach to churn. She fled back to the astrophysics lab, her appetite 
crushed. Numbly she tried to occupy her mind with other things and tried 
to look busy.

                         *******************

Fraiser said she should get more fresh air, so she started going up top 
to the mountain for walks. Long, lonely walks that usually ended in her 
sitting under the trees alone with her thoughts, nightmares and tears.

                         *******************

Sam Carter was definitely not herself. She was quiet and slightly 
withdrawn. Only Daniel seemed to be able to get more than a few sentences 
out of her. Even then, she hardly smiled. It was summer and Fraiser 
brought Cassie into work with her, but even *she* couldn't bring Sam out 
of the depths for long. Sam never seemed to go to the break room or 
commissary to eat. Fraiser wasn't sure what she was eating but when she 
did catch up with her, Sam assured her she was eating okay. Daniel had 
other ideas.

                         *******************

It started with a missed 'date' with SG-1. She'd made an excuse that she 
was tired and going to bed. O'Neill and Teal'c had started to protest, 
but Daniel let her go. He stopped by to pick her up for breakfast but she 
wasn't there. He finally caught up with her around lunch time. He didn't 
bother asking her to join them, just placed a lunch bag on the lab bench 
in front of her, and gave her a half smile. "I know you're busy," he 
started, "I thought you might like some company while you eat." He opened 
the second bag containing his own lunch. "Come on," he said, "just a few 
minutes then I'll leave you alone. Please?"

Hesitantly she opened the bag. She'd been living off a Daniel diet of 
coffee and candy bars, and here he was feeding her good wholesome food. 
The irony of it wasn't lost on her. 

She picked at the food at first, a tuna sandwich, an apple, a candy bar, 
juice and a piece of chocolate brownie. Well that was wholesome for 
Daniel and it was very welcome. It was the first decent thing she'd eaten 
in nearly two days. She watched him watch her eat. He was onto her. The 
cracks were obviously starting to show and she couldn't keep up the act 
that everything was okay. She had to get away from everyone for a while. 

She went home.

                         *******************

They wouldn't go away. None of them.

They were everywhere she was, everywhere she wanted to go, wanted to be.

The smells that forced images and pain into her body like daggers. The 
images that made her sick to her stomach and hate herself. The pain, deep 
inside her, all over her.

She awoke gasping and retching. She made it to the bathroom, just, and 
spilled her meager dinner into the bowl. When she was done she sat back 
against the bath and rubbed her flushed face. Twisting round she turned 
on the faucets and splashed cold water on her face, then sank back 
against the bath and drew her knees up close.

The tears came again, as they stood over her, she pulled her knees closer 
to her body her hands laced protectively over her head.

//Go away!// her mind screamed.

"GO AWAY!"

Shouting it out loud didn't seem to help. She shivered and dissolved into 
tears.

                         *******************

Somewhere something stirred within her, as her conscious mind tried to 
shut out the world and turned inwards, in on itself to the one that could 
be relied on, herself. But she wasn't alone and there were other memories 
pushed forward. //From despair can come joy...//

They had quite literally saved the world, but at a cost she didn't think 
she could live with, he was gone, her friend. It was like losing a 
brother. He was so sweet, how could she cope without his smile to 
brighten her day. Without him, the colonel would have no one to argue 
with in that not always good natured way they had. The gathered SGC 
personnel erupted in applause as they entered the room, it was a 
bittersweet pill that she desperately wanted to swallow. They almost 
hadn't made it themselves. She needed not to be here, she needed to think 
about this, and she needed to grieve for him. Probably on her own. She 
had to come to terms with it herself before she could help the others, 
before she could help Jack. Jack had left him behind and she had let him 
do it.

General Hammond was saying something now, but she couldn't help thinking 
how incomplete she felt standing next to her team-mates. It wasn't 
registering as Bra'tac was led away. The crowd had parted to let him go 
then reformed seamlessly. She looked from one familiar face to another, 
getting smiles and nods of recognition. //But we left him, guys, don't 
you get that. He's not coming back, he's gone.//

Her head drooped and she couldn't understand why but Hammond was smiling 
at her. //You don't get it...//

They moved, just a little, just enough. From between the green uniforms 
and serious military haircuts his blond hair flopped in front of his 
eyes, he pushed it back and squeezed into the space in front of the ramp. 
Jack was moving forward now, a broad smile spreading across his face, his 
arms uncharacteristically spread out to grasp the man in a bear hug.

"Daniel!" The joy overflowed and she moved forward to hug him herself. 
But as Jack released him his face changed. The blond hair was now dark 
and short, his blue eyes were a hard, dark brown and his middle aged face 
was grinning at her. It was him again.

"NOO!" She screamed so loud she woke herself from the nightmare and 
slumped back on the floor of her bathroom, holding her head in her hands. 
She pushed the image of her tormentor away. //No, Daniel didn't do that, 
Daniel didn't hurt me. It was him, them. Get a grip Carter, you're going 
nuts. Daniel's your friend...//

Slowly she regained control, her breathing slowed and everything started 
to make sense again. The floor was hard. She hoisted herself up using the 
edge of the bath. Resting wearily on its rim she ran her hands through 
her sweat soaked hair. It was light out and the sun was starting to 
stream through the frosted glass window. She wasn't wearing her watch 
again. Knowing the time was depressing. Knowing she hadn't slept properly 
in days was depressing. She wasn't even sure what day it was, and really 
didn't care.

Her mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton for a week. She 
twisted round to the sink and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. 
The dark circles under haunted, bloodshot eyes, her skin pale from too 
many days underground and inside. This wasn't working. She splashed water 
on her face and brushed her teeth slowly, scrubbing out the taste from 
last night. Trying to make herself clean again. Then she padded back into 
her bedroom and slumped on the edge of the bed. She was alone. So very 
alone. Even her own father had abandoned her. Where was he, why didn't he 
come, she needed him so much.

The desperation grew. It was in her backpack, the one the colonel had 
bought her for her birthday last year. Kept promising her that SG-1 would 
go on a camping trip on Earth some day. Just for the fun of it. Roasting 
marshmallows and not worrying who might creep up on them, not an MRE 
insight. They hadn't got round to it. 

She pulled the bag onto the bed beside her and tipped the contents onto 
the coverlet. The quilt her mom had given her for her 13th birthday, a 
teenager, her little girl all grown up. She'd had to grow up quickly when 
her mom was killed.

                         *******************

The black pouch landed heavily on the soft materials, nestling into the 
folds of plaid fabric. She fingered the press stud holding it closed, and 
turned the object over in her hands. It seemed to have 'WAY OUT' 
plastered over it in large friendly letters. 

She pulled the stud open, and eased out the metal from its sheath. The 
slide slipped back easily under her grasp. It was loaded, like it always 
was. Deftly she pulled the slide back again and ejected the magazine, 
automatically she checked the barrel and in seconds it was in pieces in 
front of her. Part of her didn't think it was a good idea to be home 
without it all together, part of her wanted it in pieces, didn't she 
trust herself? She wasn't sure. A car sped past her window and screeched 
round the corner. She shuddered and cursed for staying here at all. The 
colonel and Daniel were right, this wasn't a great part of town anymore. 

Deftly without much of a thought the gun was back together again, she 
turned it over in her hands... thinking... what if? The way out sign 
seemed to have faded and in its place was the word 'peace.' Strange thing 
to seem to appear on a gun but there it was and for some reason 'peace' 
sounded pretty good right now. Peace from nightmares, peace from the 
nagging pains in her stomach every time she went near food cooking. Every 
time someone stood too close to her in the line or brushed past her in 
the corridor. Only Jack, Daniel and Teal'c could stand that close without 
her flinching, and only if she knew they were there in the first place. 
Insecurity didn't describe it. Paranoia got closer. Mostly it was dread. 

Who would care? Who would find her? Jack. She couldn't bear the thought 
of him having to find her. Especially like that. It would destroy him 
completely. She didn't want to hurt any of them, that's why she was doing 
this. To protect them. 

                         *******************

She was still turning it over in her hands, she didn't feel safe here. 
Didn't even feel safe in her own place. She had to get out, go somewhere 
else and be safe. Go somewhere and not be alone. Go somewhere where 
people thought they understood why she was unhappy, even if they couldn't 
help. She could just be safe.

                         *******************

Pulling on her clothes and shoving everything back into her back-pack she 
headed for the door. She paused and pulled the gun from the pack. 
Removing it from the pouch, she nestled it in the back of her jeans. She 
checked the peephole and after taking a quick glance around the 
apartment, headed out. 

Her car started first time, a miracle, and she was soon heading on 
automatic pilot out to the base. The radio was on and the morning news 
was droning about the threat from a middle eastern fundamentalist group 
she hadn't even heard of. 

The world had no idea, and for the first time, in a long time, she wanted 
to tell them. She wanted to tell them everything, just so someone might 
understand why she wanted to stay so much and why it was so hard for it 
to be that way. 

Her eyes blurred as the cool rushing air dried the forming tears. She 
rubbed them with the back of her hand. As she stopped at a light, she 
caught a glimpse of herself in the rear view mirror. She looked a mess 
and for some reason it didn't immediately occur to her that there was 
anything wrong with that, except, that wasn't how she did things. That 
wasn't the ultra-efficient Sam Carter and she had to keep up that front 
for their sakes. She pulled into a gas station and availed herself of its 
facilities, wetting down her hair and combing it into place. It would do 
until she could get to the locker room and shower. It would do until she 
was somewhere safer than here or her place. 

The colonel had talked to her before, about getting a new apartment. She 
hadn't had time to look or time to think about moving before, maybe now 
would be a good time. A good time to move on.

Pulling up to the front gate the guard greeted her by name, everyone on 
the base knew Carter. There weren't that many women assigned here so it 
was easy for all the women to know each other, but all the guys just made 
it their business to know her by name. She didn't stand a hope in hell of 
knowing all of them, but she did a pretty good job with the SGC guys. 
Some were more attentive than others. She handled it professionally and 
just got on with things. 

That hadn't been so easy recently, especially with Simmonds. He was 
starting to get on her nerves. He always seemed to be around when she was 
trying to get a little job done, something that she could handle without 
thinking too much. That wasn't going to put anyone in danger if she 
screwed it up... those little jobs, the notes, the experiments. People 
would leave her alone if she looked busy. Even if she did stop and stare 
into space for minutes on end when no one was looking. It didn't matter, 
it was getting by. 

Everything would be okay when Dad came. She knew he would just hold her 
and tell her everything was going to be all right and she'd believe him 
and it would be. And the colonel would stop avoiding her gaze, and asking 
her if she was all right. She hated lying to him, but she always said 
yes, she was fine. Just tired. And Daniel, how he was always nearby and 
smiling at her, trying to cheer her up when she didn't want to be happy, 
she had no right to be happy about any of this. They wouldn't understand. 
They would get angry and that would fall on her. They would hate her for 
what she had done and she couldn't stand the thought of them finding out. 
She was strong, and she could do this. The nightmares would fade and she 
would be able to sleep soon. //Soon, I just have to tough this out for a 
while longer...//

She parked her car and headed down to the entrance. Planting her best and 
brightest smile across her face she passed through the security 
checkpoint and headed into the bowels of the mountain. 

The bright sun's rays didn't penetrate here and the familiar whir of the 
air-conditioning system filled her ears. That constant noise was 
comforting. The lift sped downwards, she changed lifts then went the rest 
of the way to the SGC. Her face was sullen until the doors opened, then 
the smile was back on her face as she headed for the locker room. Despite 
greeting several people on the way the smile never managed to make it to 
her eyes. They stayed dark and troubled. 

She slid into the relative privacy of SG1's locker room, pulled the door 
closed and checked it was empty before locking herself inside. 

                         *******************

All their stuff was hanging up in the cubby-holes, her favorite green 
jacket, the webbing, her cap. She pulled at the jacket and spread it over 
her lap. Wondering aimlessly that if it hadn't got Daniel's blood over it 
the day before they shipped out to Poncholand, she would have been 
wearing it, not the stiff new one that had appeared with her stuff that 
morning. She fingered the collar of her old friend, it was starting to 
fray. She'd have to fix that before someone decided it was beyond repair 
and replaced it with another one. 

Her eyes drifted to her friends' lockers, their gear had been hanging 
here for weeks. Unused. Held back on this world because of her. Because 
she wasn't ready.

They had talked about it soon after they got back. The colonel had called 
them all to Sam's bedside and explained that they would be standing down 
for a while. Until she got better. 

Daniel was going to catch up on all those artifacts he and Nyan had been 
hoarding and he and Teal'c were going to... He'd never actually explained 
what it was they were going to do. Teal'c would probably be reading or 
helping Daniel. Maybe the colonel was clearing his paperwork backlog. He 
had to have one, he always had one. Harriman was always pushing him for 
bits of paper about this or that. It made her wonder if she wanted to 
make colonel or second in command on a base like this. Too much personnel 
stuff and not enough science for her liking. But even the science didn't 
seem to cut it any more.

She wanted to be with her friends and she wanted to be left alone.

She wanted to be here where it was safe and she wanted to be far away 
across the galaxy.

She didn't know what she wanted anymore and it was starting to scare her. 

Everything was starting to scare her.

                         *******************

Her stomach rumbled with hunger, her instinct to go to the commissary for 
breakfast was overwhelmed by a feeling of impending nausea. Instead she 
reached into her pack and pulled out one of the score of candy bars she'd 
bought at the gas station. She opened the wrapper and forced herself to 
eat it. //Now shut up,// she told her stomach.

She stashed a couple of bars in her locker and took a long hot shower. 
Then she dressed in her blue uniform pants and shirt, dried off her hair 
and combed it neatly into place. She checked her costume, and feeling 
ready to face her audience unlocked the door and headed out into the drab 
corridors, not really sure where she was heading. 

                         *******************

"Hey, you're back," Daniel greeted her, not noticing how she jumped at 
the sudden intrusion.

"Yeah," she said, "trying to catch up."

Daniel nodded. "Hey, you wanna go get something to eat?"

"I ate already, thanks."

"Okay, how about we have dinner later?"

//Just go away, Danny, please?// "Sure," she found herself saying. Daniel 
left. Before one of the others caught up with her she headed up top for a 
walk. Maybe making herself tired would help her sleep. 

It was a long walk, but on returning to her quarters for a nap she 
couldn't sleep. Bowing to the inevitable she went back to the lab and 
started reviewing MALP data.

Daniel bustled in at 7:30 sharp. "Hey," he said, "you ready to go?"

"No, Daniel, I can't right now."

"Why?" he asked innocently.

//Because it makes me feel sick, because I hate myself and I don't want 
you to get hurt.//

"I've got three weeks of MALP data to get through, I'm too busy," she 
snapped.

"Someone else can do it Sam."

"Why? You think I'm not up to it. Dammit Daniel I'm fine. Will you guys 
just stop harassing me all the time?"

Daniel sensed he had crossed a line.  He spread his arms and backed away 
from her. "Hey, I'm sorry Sam, I was just saying..."

"You were saying that I can't do my job." She threw the book in her hand 
down on the bench, making Daniel jump.

"No," he said carefully, "I was just..."

"You were just leaving."

Daniel eyed her for a split second, her eyes were burning with anger. "I 
was just leaving," he agreed. He backed away. When he was out of reach, 
he turned and headed for Jack's office. This was getting stupid.

                         *******************

"Daniel said you had a little disagreement."

"He's overreacting, it was nothing."

O'Neill raised his eyebrows. "He's pretty upset you know. Didn't sound 
like nothing."

"It was nothing. Now am I the only one trying to get some work done 
around here?"

"Carter," he started.

"Yes sir!" she spat.

"Major, just get a grip. Whatever you said to Daniel is..."

"Is, with respect, sir, none of your business." She turned and left, 
leaving O'Neill in her lab, open-mouthed.

"I didn't say dismissed," he muttered to thin air.

                         *******************

She went to her quarters, grabbed a jacket and headed up top. She emerged 
into the light and took a deep breath of the fresh mountain air.

"Evening, ma'am."

"Hi, Belland?" She came up so often she knew all the sentries by name.

"Nice evening for a walk," he added, rummaging in the guard post and 
pulling out a map of the mountain.

"Yeah," she said. "Number three, I think."

"Gonna get dark in an hour, ma'am. You wanna borrow a flashlight?"

She checked her watch. "No, let's make it number two."

Belland nodded, two was a much shorter route. "See you in an hour, 
ma'am."

                         *******************

O'Neill went back to Fraiser's office.

"Something's wrong with Carter," he said simply. "I thought it was just 
me, but now she's started snapping at Daniel."

Fraiser bit her lower lip. "Did you try talking to her?" 

O'Neill slumped back in his chair exasperated. "Talking to her? Have you 
had anything *close* to something you could call a conversation with her 
lately?"

Fraiser considered this. //Yes and no.// "What set her off on Daniel?" 
she asked.

"I dunno, Doc, something about MALP data and a backlog. Hell, she should 
be at home resting. Why the Hell did she come back?"

"What do you think?"

"She's waiting for her Dad? Four weeks she's been waiting for him. I 
dunno why she came back Doc."

"Have you asked her?"

O'Neill threw her a look.

"She won't talk to you." Fraiser supplied.

"So, what do we do?"

"Do you know where she is now?"

"Yeah, up top for a walk. I checked with the sentries, she should be back 
in less than an hour."

"Doc," he started again, "something is wrong with her and its been 
getting worse for a while. She's really jumpy and quiet. I don't think 
she's sleeping. I figured going home would help her sort it out but it 
hasn't, and now she's back she's worse than when she left. We have to do 
something."

"What do you suggest, Colonel?"

He huffed. "Shine a bright light in her eyes until she talks?" 

"I think that would be counter-productive, don't you?" Fraiser managed a 
half smile.

He waved his arms defeated. "I'm desperate." Fraiser raised her eyebrows. 
"Okay, so I'm getting stir crazy down here."

"You need a hobby."

"I have hobbies, Doc, just not ones I can do underground. My team's 
falling apart and I don't know why. Doc, you have to help me here. I'm 
losing them."

"Okay, so she won't talk to me and she won't talk to you. She's started 
getting aggressive with Daniel. That leaves Teal'c. How are they getting 
on?"

"Okay, I guess. You know Teal'c, he doesn't say much."

Janet considered her next move for a moment. This had gone far enough. 
"Colonel, I've been worried about Sam for a while now. I was hoping that 
she would confide in her team-mates but that's not happening. She is 
getting worse. We might have to force things."

"How?"

"Being more persistent. I don't want to push her into a corner, she could 
bolt, but you're right, something is wrong and I think we have to get to 
the bottom of it."

"Well I tried, she just ran. Daniel's moping like a smacked puppy. He's 
not in a persistent mood right now."

"What about Teal'c? With a little coaching, he could be just the 
counselor she needs."

"I like the way you think, Doc. Outside the chain of command, sensible, 
solid."  The colonel rose, "I'll go get him."

                         *******************

Teal'c settled to parade rest in front of Fraiser's desk. "I agree with 
your assessment of the situation. Major Carter's behavior has become 
quite erratic. She has also become self depreciating. However, I did not 
previously feel it appropriate to challenge her regarding it."

"Oh, I think *challenge* is too strong a word, Teal'c," Fraiser warned, 
"just be inquisitive and concerned."

"Yeah, " Jack agreed, "but don't let her blow you off. Be persistent."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow to his CO. "I will be persistent O'Neill."

                         *******************

6

Sam Carter felt tired, but for the umpteenth night in a row she couldn't 
sleep. The walk hadn't helped and she had settled laying face down on her 
bunk, fully clothed, hugging her pillows and staring into space. When 
someone shattered the silence with a knock at her door, she jumped, 
cursed at herself for jumping and snapped, "Go away!".

"Major Carter, I wish to speak with you, may I enter?"

"What do you want?" she moaned.

Teal'c opened the door and entered the room, closing it firmly behind 
him. "I wish to speak with you regarding a matter of great concern to 
me."

Sam turned to the door. "Looks like you're in already, you might as well 
sit down." She lowered her weary body back down onto the pillows.

Teal'c pulled up a chair and settled himself stiffly next to her bunk. 
The silence hung in the air for a few moments. Sam broke first, turning 
toward him skeptically. "Spit it out Teal'c. I'm tired and I just can't 
be bothered right now."

"That is why I have come. We have noticed a change in your behavior since 
our last mission. It is beginning to concern us." 

"Who's us?" she said through the pillow, knowing full well who.

"Colonel O'Neill, Daniel Jackson, Dr Fraiser and myself."

"You get the short straw this time?"

Teal'c inclined his head. "I would not entrust such an act of chance with 
a matter of this importance. I am aware of the tension that exists 
between the you and the others. I therefore wish to offer you my direct 
assistance." 

"Why?"

"We have fought together side by side in many battles. We have had 
success and failure, but on this occasion something has deeply affected 
you. I wish to understand and therefore to assist." 

"You have no idea, Teal'c," she muttered to herself.

"It has been a difficult time. However, SG-1 will soon re-enter mission 
rotation."

"Great."

Teal'c inclined his head quizzically. "Your response to this notion is 
part of what concerns me, Major Carter. I do not believe that you are 
looking forward to returning to active duty."

"So?" 

"This is not a feeling shared by the rest of SG-1. It is also out of 
character for you. This is of great concern to me."

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Teal'c. I'm tired."

"You have been experiencing difficulty in sleeping," he stated.

"It's nothing, Teal'c. Please, can you just leave me alone."

"I cannot do that."

"Teal'c, I have a problem and I'm dealing with it, can't you just respect 
that?"

"I have known you to solve problems much more complex than this one with 
enthusiasm and drive."

"Yeah, right." 

"In a few short months you were able to design and construct a particle 
beam generator. This was successful in facilitating the re-activation of 
the Edorran Stargate and the rescue of Colonel O'Neill. Are you not proud 
of such achievements?"

"Not sure sometimes he wanted to be rescued," she moped. 

"I can assure you that he was very pleased to see me."

"Yeah, maybe."

"There have been other occasions I can recall."

"You're trying to make me feel good."

"I am trying to demonstrate the high regard in which you are held by your 
colleagues and friends at this facility. You seem to have forgotten that 
they have offered their support."

"I've not forgotten, Teal'c. This is something I have to figure out and 
get through on my own."

"I do not understand why you feel this way. Daniel Jackson and Colonel 
O'Neill have turned to each other and myself for support. I would like to 
be of assistance to you also."

Carter rose from the bed and gathered up her jacket.

"Thank you, Teal'c," she said quietly, "but I have to do this on my own. 
Please excuse me I have some work to do." She left him in her quarters 
and fled to the security of the astrophysics lab. There she sat staring 
blankly into space.

                         *******************

O'Neill slowly opened the door to the small astrophysics lab. There she 
was, slumped over the desk, fast asleep. //Cute// he thought, //bang goes 
the not sleeping theory.// "Major," he said softly as he reached out and 
touched her arm.

Suddenly she whirled around. Something struck him in the face so fast he 
didn't have time to cry out. He fell away, tumbling against the banks of 
equipment and into darkness.

"Oh my God," Carter whispered, her hands covering her face. She was wide 
awake, breathing hard. "Colonel?" she couldn't bear to look at him, she 
couldn't believe what she'd done. "No," she tried to tell herself, "No, I 
didn't... Oh God, I didn't know..." she whimpered. "Oh God, no!" She 
pushed the door, and ran.

                         *******************

Jack O'Neill stirred, his eyes blinking open. He struggled to his feet, 
hit the alarm button then slumped back onto the floor in a heap and held 
his head. "Jesus, Carter..." he muttered to no one.

                         *******************

Like the rest of SG-1, Daniel Jackson had been spending a lot of time in 
the mountain. His quarters were crammed full of books and journals. Every 
spare nook and cranny had something stashed in it. He was a natural 
hoarder. He liked to have things to hand. Artifacts were his lifeblood, 
his inspiration. But he was having trouble getting inspired tonight. 

Sam's outburst had cut into him like a knife. All his guilt had returned 
in a flood. Even though he and Sam had talked about it for hours in the 
infirmary. She had said she didn't blame him. She didn't blame any of 
them. It was just one of those things. Daniel didn't always understand 
how Sam's military mind took over, but she seemed to have come to terms 
with it. But that conversation seemed like a very long time ago. 

Jackson reflected on her odd behavior the few days before she went home. 
She was on edge and jittery. She'd been in her lab a lot, but she never 
really seemed to be doing anything. They'd tried, in vain, to get her to 
go to the commissary for dinner with them. She made excuses. Lots of 
excuses. Too many for his liking. There was something else going on but 
he couldn't put his finger on it. Then when she was home she wouldn't 
always answer the phone, didn't want them to come round or stay long if 
they did. Now she was back on the base and she didn't seem any better. In 
fact she was worse. He desperately wanted to help her but he had to admit 
he was slightly scared of her when she was angry. //Let Jack try...//

                         *******************

Jackson checked his watch. It was late and he should turn in. He shut 
down his computer and reached over to the small bottle of pills Fraiser 
had given him. //Twenty minutes and I'm outta here,// he thought. He 
wrestled with the cap. //Twenty minutes to open the damn thing more 
like.//

"Daniel!" She burst into the room, tears flooding down her cheeks. She 
slammed and locked the door behind her.

"Sam?"

"Daniel," she cried, "please, you have to help me."

"Sam, what's wrong?"

She collapsed onto the edge of his bed and held her head in her hands. "I 
didn't mean it, Daniel. You have to tell them that, I didn't know. I was 
asleep and I..."

"Sam, what's the matter? What are you talking about?"

She looked up eyes wide and petrified at the thought that had just 
occurred to her. "They're gonna lock me up, Danny."

"What? Who, Sam?"

"There're gonna court-martial me and lock me up. Danny, I didn't mean it, 
I swear I'd never hurt him. I..."

Daniel knelt beside her and took her arms. "Sam, what did you do?"

"I didn't mean it..." she whimpered. "Oh God, now I've really screwed up 
my life."

"Sam," he lifted up her head and gently pushed some stray hair out of her 
eyes. "Sam, you're not making any sense, just calm down and tell me what 
happened."

"I hit him, Daniel. I think he's dead."

"Dead? Sam? Who did you hit?"

She shuddered. "He scared me, I just lashed out. He hit his head when he 
fell. I didn't mean to hurt him!"

"Sam, it's okay," he soothed. "Who scared you?"

"Colonel O'Neill. I am so screwed up Danny. They're gonna throw me out. I 
didn't mean it!" She collapsed in sobs again. 

"Where Sam? Where were you?"

"My lab. Daniel, please, don't let them lock me up. I couldn't stand 
that. Please, I didn't mean to hurt him..."

"Sam, its okay, we'll sort this out."

Daniel grabbed the phone and dialed the infirmary. Fraiser answered. 
"Doc, it's Daniel, Jack's..." he started.

"He's right here," Fraiser interrupted. "Please tell me Sam's with you."

"Yeah, she is. Is Jack okay?" 

Carter looked desperately at him, Daniel muttered an affirmative to 
Fraiser and hung up.

"Daniel?"

Daniel Jackson sat on his bed beside her and wrapped his arm around his 
friend. "He's just fine, Sam, no harm done." 

She relaxed for a split second as relief washed over her. Then she was 
tense again. 

"Sam," he soothed, "it's okay."

She shook him off. "You don't understand, they'll court-martial me for 
just hitting him. I'll go to jail then they'll discharge me. I'll lose 
everything!" She became more agitated. "Danny, I can't take this any 
more, please don't let them lock me up." 

"My god, Sam, what's wrong with you? No one's gonna lock you up."

She rose and pulled away from him. "You don't get it do you?" her eyes 
darted around the room desperately. "They will Danny. They will. I'm 
sorry, I just... I didn't mean to hurt him." She rubbed at her eyes then 
cradled her right hand against her body. It was starting to hurt. "I 
didn't mean to hurt any of you."

Daniel approached her cautiously, she backed away and fetched up against 
a book case.

"Sam, tell me exactly what happened. Just take your time."

She bolted for the door. "They know where I am, I have to get outta 
here." 

Daniel blocked her way. He knew if she really wanted to get past him he 
wouldn't stand a chance. She didn't force it.

"Please, Daniel. Let me go."

"Just tell me what happened, Sam. I'll talk to them, everything will be 
okay."

She thought about it, he led her back to the bed and sat her down. He 
knelt in front of her and took her arms. He gripped them softly, noticing 
for the first time how thin she looked and felt. "You were in the lab. 
What happened?"

She sniffed. "I think I fell asleep. Someone, Colonel O'Neill, grabbed me 
and I was scared and I lashed out."

"So you punched him?"

She nodded the tears welling up into her eyes again. "He fell against the 
monitors and he wasn't moving, Daniel, I didn't know it was him. He 
scared me, I..." 

Daniel pulled her into his arms and let her cry. "It's okay, Sam. He's 
fine. Doc's got him all fixed up already."

"But, Daniel," she started. 

He silenced her with a finger on her lips. "Sam, why were you sleeping in 
the lab?"

"I was working, I was tired. I thought I'd just shut my eyes for few 
minutes."

"You should have gone to bed."

She shook her head. "I can't sleep, Daniel. I keep waking up all the 
time. Having nightmares. I'm so tired, I wanna sleep but I just can't. I 
don't know what to do anymore. Please, you have to help me. I can't do 
this anymore!"

"It's all right, Sam, I'll help you. You know I will."

"I'm so messed up, Danny, I dunno what I'm doing. I just wanna sleep. I 
hurt all over and I can't sleep."

"Have you asked Janet for something?"

"What, you mean pills?" 

He nodded.

"Daniel, I don't need drugs, I need sleep."

"I know, Sam, I know what it's like. After a while it starts messing with 
your head. It's okay to take sleeping pills, Sam. I've been taking them 
for the last couple of weeks, They've really helped. Look." He held up 
the bottle from his desk. 

She looked at him, eyes glistening in the dim light. She took a couple of 
deep breaths. "I've been so stupid."

"No, just wrong to think you have to try and get through this on your 
own. Sam, I'm your friend, we're all your friends here. We want to help 
you but you have to let us."

"I just want things back the way they were," she stated.

"So do I. Let's go see Janet, right now."

"I dunno," she started warily, pulling away. He took her hand and 
squeezed it gently. "Ouch!" She ripped it from his grasp and cradled it 
against her body rocking slightly back and forth.

"Sam, did you hurt your hand?" She was crying again, silently she nodded. 
"Can I see?" She held it out. The knuckles were red and starting to 
swell. "You need to get that looked at." Daniel stood, "Come on, let's go 
to the infirmary."

"No, they'll arrest me and lock me up. They'll call MacKenzie and he'll 
take me away." She skittered into the corner and hunched down. Her eyes 
darting around the room behind him again.

"No, Sam, I promise that's not gonna happen. Janet wants to help you. 
We'll go right now. She'll look at your hand and give you something to 
help you sleep. We can sort the rest out in the morning." He approached 
her. She was rocking back and forth again. 

"Danny, please help me."

"I will, now come on, let's go."

He helped her to stand and supported her as she shuffled across the room. 
He opened the door. Teal'c blocked the way, five armed guards behind him.

"Major Carter, Daniel Jackson." Teal'c intoned. Sam hid behind Daniel. 

"I told you Daniel.." she whispered.

"It's all right, Teal'c, Sam and I have had a chat and we're going to the 
infirmary. We don't need the goons."

"They are here by General Hammond's order. We are to escort you."

"Danny, they'll..."

Daniel turned to Sam. "It's okay." He turned around again. "Teal'c will 
escort us to the infirmary and these guys are gonna hang out here." An 
understanding passed between Teal'c and Daniel. 

"That will satisfy General Hammond's orders." He turned to the armed men. 
"Please holster your weapons, your presence is no longer required." The 
men lowered their guns slowly. Teal'c stepped between the men and 
motioned Daniel and Sam out. "You may proceed." 

Daniel wrapped his arm firmly around Carter's waist and led her away, her 
eyes darting back over her shoulder. 

"They will not harm you, Major Carter," Teal'c reassured as the men 
followed at a discrete but noticeable distance. 

                         *******************

"She's a mess, Jack. She just disintegrated right in front of me." 
Hammond and Jackson stood around O'Neill's cot. He had some strips 
closing a wound on his forehead and a growing bruise on the side of his 
face. O'Neill fingered the bruise tentatively. 

"She still packs a punch, huh." Daniel teased until O'Neill glared at him 
silently.

"General," Daniel went on, "she's terrified about being court-martialed 
and thrown in jail."

Hammond looked at O'Neill. "I need a complaining officer to even consider 
a court-martial."

"Don't look at me, General, I had a fight with a computer," O'Neill said 
sourly.

"That's what I thought. Doctor Jackson, Major Carter obviously needs help 
and she's going to get it." Hammond looked over to the curtained-off area 
where Fraiser was with her. "A court-martial will serve no purpose in 
this situation. I don't like losing a good officer, especially like this. 
Hopefully we've caught her in time."

"Carter's a good kid, General, she'll get through this." O'Neill said 
trying to convince himself.

                         *******************

Fraiser pulled back the curtain and stepped towards them. Carter was 
lying on her side facing away from them, curled in a fetal ball.

"How is she, Doctor?" Hammond asked quietly.

Fraiser took a deep breath. "She's completely exhausted, sir. Mentally 
and physically. I guess it was just a matter of time before something 
like this happened."

"But how'd she get this bad?"

"Lack of sleep, Colonel. That and she hasn't been eating much. It's all 
just mounted up. This," she motioned to O'Neill's face, "is probably the 
best thing that could have happened."

"How'd you figure that?" O'Neill moped.

"Striking a superior officer is a serious court-martial offence, 
Colonel."

"Not gonna happen, Doc," he dismissed the notion flatly.

"I should hope not. But still, it made her realize she wasn't in control 
anymore. If you hadn't woken her up like that, this could have gone on 
for weeks."

"We would have noticed," O'Neill insisted.

"Maybe, Colonel, maybe not. She managed pretty well to fool us all this 
past week. She's hardly slept or eaten anything since leaving the 
infirmary. Hadn't any of you noticed she was losing weight?"

O'Neill shook his head.

"I did, tonight," Jackson offered.

"She's worn herself out. She needs to rest."

"Can I talk to her now?" Hammond asked.

"Sorry sir, I've given her a hefty sedative, she'll be out for at least 
ten hours."

"Please call me when she's awake, Doctor," Hammond requested.

"Yes sir. In the meantime, Doctor Jackson, I need to have a little chat 
with you about something."

"Okay..." He followed her back to her office . Hammond made his excuses . 
O'Neill stared silently at Carter's back and wished he could talk to her, 
even though he didn't know what to say.

                         *******************

"Daniel, Sam wanted me to ask you something about P4T3DY."

"What about it?"

"It doesn't make much sense but it has something to do with Doctor 
MacKenzie."

"I dunno, Doc, she was babbling about a lot of things. She said something 
about not wanting to see MacKenzie but I dunno what that has to do with 
me."

"She said you would know why."

Daniel thought about it for a few moments. "Maybe she thinks I saw 
something. My glasses were gone everything was blurry. Wait, I know. Geez 
he must have looked just like him." 

"Who?"

"Their leader, I bet he looked just like MacKenzie. No wonder she doesn't 
want anything to do with him."

"That makes sense now."

"Does she have to see him?"

"No, Daniel, I'll find someone else. Later it might be useful for him to 
be involved but not right now. Daniel, I wanted to thank you for what you 
did tonight. She was in a very fragile state. You got her here in one 
piece. Thank you."

"Is she going be okay, Janet?"

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Daniel, it's just going to take a little more 
time. She's gonna need all the help and support we can give her." Daniel 
nodded. "You should get some sleep yourself, Daniel. I'm sure she'd like 
to see you in the morning."

"Yeah, thanks, Janet." Daniel rose and left.

                         *******************

7

It was hard to tell it was morning 16 floors underground but there was a 
buzz in the infirmary when she awoke. She lay still, very still for a 
while. Just listening. It was the normal daily stuff. SG-4 had just 
returned from their mission and were being checked out. It was a normal 
day. But not for her.

                         *******************

Sam Carter lay still and thought about her life. Where she was, how she 
got there and where she wanted to be. She wanted to be at the SGC and 
that hadn't changed. She wanted to figure out all there was to figure out 
about the Stargate. She wanted to discover something else every day and 
still know there was more to do. More places to go and more things to 
see. She didn't want to leave. She wanted to go back out.

Major Carter listened to the banter between the members of SG-4. They 
were a lot like her team, and she missed them. They'd all been walking 
around each other on eggshells since they got back and she was finally 
sick of it. 

Sick of hiding from them. Sick of lying to them, and herself.

                         *******************

Fraiser had been right about a lot of things, including that everything 
would be clearer when she'd got some decent sleep. She did feel a little 
better. Yesterday was as low as she'd let herself get. She had reached 
her nadir, now it was time to start the long climb back to normality. She 
knew she couldn't do it alone, she needed help. She made her decision and 
rolled over.

Fraiser spotted the movement and came over. Sam rubbed her eyes and 
smiled.

"Hey," Fraiser cooed, "how you feeling?"

"Pretty stupid actually, but better, thanks."

"Good, you know I was just thinking about waking you up. You've been 
asleep for over 14 hours."

"Really? What time is it?"

"A little after 12."

"Geez, I guess I needed it." Her eyes and mind wandered.

"Uhuh." Fraiser hugged her clipboard and eyed her patient, her friend. 
There was a strength in her eyes she hadn't seen for a while but also a 
darkness. "Something's on you mind, Sam. Care to share?"

Carter half smiled. "I do need to talk to you, about a lot of stuff, but 
not out here."

"My office?" 

Sam nodded and sat up. She leaned on her hand. "Ow!"

"Careful, it's not broken but it'll be sore for a couple of days."

She flexed her fingers gingerly. "No kidding. Damn." She looked around. 
"Is he still here?"

"Nope, he escaped first thing this morning. He's fine though, no harm 
done."

"Yeah, right." Carter swung her legs out from under the covers and 
realized she wasn't exactly fully dressed. She pulled at the gown 
disapprovingly.

"Do you wanna get washed up and dressed first? Maybe a bite to eat?"

She thought about that last bit. Actually she was hungry, which she knew 
had to be a good sign.

"Yeah," she said, "but just a sandwich or something."

"Coming right up. You know where the showers are and I'll get you some 
clean clothes."

"Thanks, Doc."

"No problem."

Carter looked around, as if looking for something.

"Sam?"

"Where's Teal'c? He's always here."

"I thought you would prefer some privacy. I can get him if you want."

"Oh, no, you're right. Just seems strange waking up without him there."

"You had a full house this morning, even General Hammond stopped by for a 
while."

"Oh." Her mind wandered. "I guess I'd better get moving..." Sam slipped 
slowly off the edge of the bed and wandered towards the shower room, 
pausing once to rearrange the gown. 

Fraiser watched her go. She had expected Carter to handle her capture 
better than she had. It had occurred to her that there could be more to 
this than met the eye and now she was sure. Walking back to her office 
she had a feeling she wasn't going to like what Sam was going to tell 
her.

                         *******************

It was a tuna sandwich, one of Sam's favorites. Fraiser had also rustled 
up a couple of blueberry muffins from the commissary along with a pot of 
fresh coffee and the almond flavoring Sam liked. A tempting feast, she 
hoped.

Sam Carter appeared at her door looking a lot more like herself than she 
had in a month. She'd taken the trouble to dry her hair properly and put 
on a little makeup. But there was a darkness behind her eyes, and she 
moved with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Come in, Sam, have a seat." Fraiser poured the coffee and revealed her 
acquisitions. 

Sam smiled and started munching on the sandwich. She was hungrier than 
she thought. She let Fraiser talk about Cassandra's latest exploits at 
Summer Camp. Fraiser killing the time whilst Sam was eating. Carter 
finished the muffins and took a long swig of coffee. The conversation 
died a little as she poured another cup and added the powder. She stirred 
it, watching the vortices flow around with the spoon, the steam rise in a 
swirl above the rim.

"I've had a chat with Colonel O'Neill and General Hammond," Fraiser 
interrupted her thoughts. "There won't be any charges over last night. 
They would, however, like some reassurances that it won't be happening 
again."

"It won't," she said simply and sipped the coffee.

"Good. So, you wanted to chat."

"Yeah." She put the cup down and took a deep, calming breath. "I need to 
tell you something and I know you're going to have to report it, which 
means I'm gonna have to tell the guys as well because I don't want them 
to read about it in a report. I can't do that to them. I owe them too 
much for that." It was a carefully considered speech. She'd thought this 
through in the shower. Rehearsed it to herself to get it right. To say 
what she wanted to. How she wanted to. Already, the edge in her voice was 
building. She was starting to crumble underneath. She took another deep 
breath and rubbed the bridge of her nose and forehead, composing herself 
again.

"What is it, Sam?" Fraiser asked quietly.

Sam struggled to stay on her script, but it dissolved in her tears and 
she just poured everything out in an untidy jumble. 

                         *******************

They decided to both go to General Hammond's office together. Sam waited 
in the briefing room whilst Fraiser delivered the bad news. 

He asked the same questions Fraiser had and she explained Sam's answers. 
It was harder for him to understand the *why* and he wrestled with it for 
a few minutes. 

Sam got restless and poured herself some coffee, slumping back into the 
chair facing away from the window. She stared out at the Stargate and 
shuffled her feet and wondered what she would tell her father about this. 
If he ever showed up. Martouf had warned her it could be weeks before he 
was contactable. It had been four already.

                         *******************

Hammond called O'Neill, Jackson and Teal'c to his office. Then quietly 
opened the door and motioned the guards away. Carter bolted to attention, 
nearly spilling her coffee. "As you were, Major."

"Yes sir," she replied, but remained standing.

"Doctor Fraiser has explained the situation to me, Major." 

"Yes sir."

"There are some secrets not meant to be kept, Major, and this is one of 
them." He avoided using the standard 'I'm disappointed in you,' phrase. 
Fraiser had specifically warned him against it. But Sam could see it in 
his eyes. She fought to stay in control. 

"Yes sir," she managed.

"This situation nearly got out of hand, Major. I don't want it to happen 
again."

"No sir."

The general's face softened. "You are a fine officer Major Carter, one of 
the best I've had the pleasure to command. A credit to your family and 
this facility. I hope that you can trust us all to help you through this 
difficult time."

"Yes sir."

"Sam!" Daniel called brightly as he entered the room with O'Neill and 
Teal'c following in his wake. "General."

"Gentleman, please wait in my office." Hammond said without turning 
towards them.

"Sure," O'Neill smiled and waved at Sam as he walked past her, she half 
smiled back.

Fraiser let them into the office and shut the door. 

"Courage is a quality I value greatly, Major, along with honesty. Your 
team members will appreciate your honesty in this situation. And the 
courage you have mustered to deliver it to them." He paused, she was 
crumbling. "Carry on, Major."

She saluted him automatically. He returned it and walked quietly away. He 
had a call to make. A *very* long distance call.

                         *******************

Sam's head dropped as she closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Fraiser 
approached her. "You okay?"

Sam ruffled her own hair, stood up straight and looked at the closed door 
to Hammond's office. The blinds were closed and someone was peeking 
through them. They snapped shut when she looked his way.

She sighed. "They deserve to hear this from me." She said.  " I should 
have done this weeks ago."

Fraiser let her hand linger on her friend's arm. "Do you want me to wait, 
Sam?" she asked supportively.

"Yeah, thanks." Carter said quietly

"Okay, I'll be right here." 

                         *******************

Sam Carter opened the door to the general's office and closed it behind 
her. 

"Where'd Hammond go?" Daniel asked. "I thought he wanted to talk to us."

"No," she said evenly. "I wanted to talk to all of you together. Just the 
four of us."

"What's up, Major?" O'Neill had been lounging on the couch next to 
Daniel. But he sat forward and suddenly had an uneasy feeling.

She slid into the chair in front of them, taking a few moments to compose 
the words in her head. "There's something I need to tell you and I need 
you to just listen."

"Okay," O'Neill said lightly, "we can do that. We can listen."

"No wisecracks, no interruptions, you don't say a word until I've 
finished."

"Okay," Daniel said warily. 

She looked at O'Neill. "Sir?" 

"Okay."

Teal'c tilted his head in agreement.

"Okay," she took another deep breath, "I have to tell you something that 
I didn't think you would need to know. But it's messing with my head so 
I'm gonna have to tell you."

O'Neill screwed up his face in a 'Tell us what?' expression.

"First of all I need to make you understand why I didn't tell you about 
this before, because I know you're gonna be mad at me."

O'Neill broke. "Takes a lot to make me mad, Carter. Is this about last 
night, cos you know..."

"It's not about last night, sir, and I am sorry about that but, no, this 
is something else. Well it's kinda to do with last night, but will you 
just let me finish?"

Daniel elbowed him quiet. "Go on, Sam."

She rubbed her still puffy eyes and spoke through her hands. "I didn't 
tell you on the planet because I knew it'd make you mad and I thought you 
might do something stupid."

O'Neill definitely didn't like where this was going and opened his mouth. 
Daniel silenced him with a wave. She looked up at them. "It wouldn't have 
made a difference if you'd known then anyway so I didn't tell you. Then I 
didn't say anything when we got back cos I figured it didn't matter 
anymore, and I could handle it myself." Her eyes flickered around the 
room gauging their reactions.

All three men were looking decidedly uncomfortable. "I've been having 
some problems and well I guess I worked myself into the state I was in 
yesterday which made me realize I was losing it." She stopped, her eyes 
closed.

"Sam," Daniel said slowly, "what happened to you?"

She bit her lower lip as a sob tried to escape. She covered her mouth for 
an instant until it was gone. //Spit it out you idiot!//

"It was the first night, they'd split us up. After they took you from the 
cell next to me, up to the hall I guess, cos that's where I saw you 
later" Daniel nodded. "Well, they'd already knocked me around a bit right 
after they captured us." She paused, not able to look at them anymore. 
"There were four of them." She continued slowly.  "They came in and 
started kicking me and then... then they took off my uniform and..." She 
couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't have to.

"Oh, Sam, no," Daniel whispered. She looked up, tears streaming down her 
cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she blurted, "I tried to fight 'em off but they just held me 
down and took turns." Daniel shifted in his seat. "I didn't want you to 
know because I knew you'd get mad and..."

Jack O'Neill did not want to believe his eyes and ears, but just looking 
at her he knew it was true. He buried his head in his hands. "Jesus, 
Carter."

"I'm sorry," she pleaded, "I didn't want them to use me against you. When 
they'd finished they left me alone for a while," She offered it as a 
consolation. O'Neill looked up. "After that they just kicked me around."

Anger welled within O'Neill. He fought to control it before he exploded. 
He'd gone through this possibility at the time. Here it was again. This 
time a sickening reality. Daniel sat in shock.

Sam looked up at Teal'c for some response. He inclined his head and said 
softly, "I agree with Major Carter's assessment of the situation on the 
planet. It would not have been beneficial to reveal the circumstances of 
her injuries. I believe this would have clouded our judgment."

O'Neill's, head bolted upright. "Teal'c," O'Neill warned. Teal'c tilted 
his head again, as O'Neill simmered. 

"From your reaction now, it is simple to extrapolate what your reaction 
would have been at the time. However," he continued, looking down at 
Carter, "I am disappointed that you did not feel able to share this with 
us when the danger had passed. We are your friends and would not wish you 
to carry this burden alone."

Her head sank. " I know I let you guys down, I'm sorry..." She stood up 
to leave.

O'Neill fought his way out of the steaming, boiling pot churning in his 
head. He couldn't let her walk away with out saying something. "Just a 
minute, Major. I have something to say here." He stood in front of her 
and looked directly into her eyes. "You haven't let anyone down, Carter. 
Especially not us. You made a hard decision to protect the rest of your 
team and that took guts. But when we got back..."

"I know, sir. I should have said something but I just couldn't."

"Sam," O'Neill said taking her arms, "promise me you'll never keep 
something like this from us again."

She nodded, fighting back the tears.

"Come here," he pulled her into his arms. She wrapped herself into him 
and cried.

"We'll get through this, Carter," he soothed. "Everything will be just 
fine."

Daniel sat for a moment dumbfounded then he rose and hugged her himself.

                         *******************

O'Neill quietly left the office with Teal'c and leaned wearily against 
the wall. "Tell me you didn't know about this."

"I always suspected but she didn't say anything until this morning."

"She didn't tell anyone?"

Fraiser shook her head. He absorbed the information and rubbed his eyes 
again. "She gonna be all right?" He glanced back at Daniel and Carter. 
They were leaning on each other, both crying.

"Might take some time, Colonel. She's gonna need a lot of support for a 
while."

"We will provide for her needs, Doctor," Teal'c intoned.

"I know you will Teal'c, but you all need to come to terms with this. 
Colonel, she doesn't need your anger."

"I know." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "You gonna stick around for 
Carter?" Fraiser nodded. "Good, I have a feeling I'm not going to be a 
nice person to be around for a while. I think I'll hit the range. 
Teal'c?"

"I shall remain also. Daniel Jackson may require my presence."

"Great." O'Neill forced himself to walk slowly to the door. Inside his 
blood boiled. 

A few hundred rounds later it was still simmering.

                         *******************

8

Teal'c took Daniel back to his quarters and stayed with him until the 
pills kicked in and he was asleep. Fraiser didn't want him left alone for 
a while. 

Sam didn't want to go to her quarters, too claustrophobic, so Fraiser 
took her back to the infirmary and set her up in the corner cot.

"Do you want a sedative?" she asked the curled-up form in front of her. 

Sam shook her head. "Not right now, maybe later. I got some stuff to 
think about."

"Holler if you need anything, okay?"

She nodded, pulling the pillows tightly around her. As Fraiser pulled the 
curtain round the bed Sam closed her eyes. She could see their faces, 
disbelieving, horrified, knowing. A lump started to form in her throat 
and she buried her head in the pillow.

                         *******************

Up top the sun was starting its daily arc downwards. Jack O'Neill had 
found a quiet clearing amongst the great trees and watched it set. He'd 
seen so many suns set in his lifetime, in these few short years, but this 
was his own. Alone in the clearing, far from anyone who might care, he 
sat and considered if it was worth it after all. What they had achieved, 
where they had gone. What they had done and how they had done it. They'd 
done it together. //Always together.//

When he'd first met Carter at the SGC he hadn't liked her much. Well, no, 
that wasn't quite right, he hadn't liked the thought of having another 
smartass scientist on his team. Things had changed a lot since then, and 
Carter had been right. He did like her once he got to know her. But still 
she managed to annoy him. That enthusiasm for all things technical and 
her joy in sharing that knowledge, even when he didn't need or want to 
know. 

He half laughed at himself. That annoying habit was the one thing he'd 
missed most since they returned from that planet. It was so much a part 
of who and what she was. She thought a lot and liked to share those 
thoughts. She hadn't been like that in a long time. That spark had been 
extinguished and now he knew why. He'd missed her. Somehow what he'd said 
to her didn't seem anything like enough. He wanted to say more but he 
didn't know what or how to say it. Silently he sat alone and shivering in 
the chilly night air, searching the stars for inspiration. 

Quietly from the forest, Teal'c emerged carrying a large jacket. He 
placed it around Jack's shoulders and sat down without saying a word. The 
silence lasted a few minutes longer, each man alone with his thoughts and 
together under the stars.

"Damned crazy galaxy, Teal'c." O'Neill said finally.

"It is the only one we have. We must make the best of it," Teal'c said 
quietly.

"We get knocked out and banged up all the time, Teal'c, and we've lost 
some good people, but nothing like this has ever happened."

"We cannot change our past, O'Neill. And there is much I would not wish 
to." Teal'c looked at O'Neill for the first time. "We must rebuild. The 
Goa'uld will not stop even if we do. We must continue our search for 
allies, continue to help those enslaved or in need. However, we must 
start by rebuilding SG-1." He looked away again. "You must not second-
guess your decisions on the planet, Colonel O'Neill. It will serve no 
useful purpose."

"I know."

"We must allow Major Carter to reenter her position as and when she 
wishes to do so." He looked at O'Neill again. He was holding his head in 
his hands, knees drawn up close to his body. "She has been burdened by 
this secret for many weeks. Now she has passed it to us and we must bear 
it with her."

"A problem shared is a problem halved."

"Or quartered, O'Neill. It has weighed heavily on her soul. We do not 
have the right to darken it further with our own anger."

"I hear you, Teal'c." He rubbed his eyes. "I know you're right. I've been 
up here thinking about all the good stuff we've done out there."

"There is much to think about."

"Yeah, there is. We've done some pretty wonderful stuff for this world, 
this galaxy, and for each other. I think we forget that sometimes. I know 
I have, and I think she has too."

"The people we have helped have not. It is a dangerous existence, 
O'Neill, but the benefits are great. We cannot stop. The evil is still 
there. We are warriors, and we must fight to defend ourselves and those 
who cannot defend themselves. I know no other way."

O'Neill listened to his friend's words carefully and he sighed. "I don't 
know another way either, Teal'c. I guess we better start gluing the 
pieces back together."

"We must."

Jack stuffed his arms into the jacket and stood. "Let's go back inside, I 
gotta few things to do."

Teal'c nodded, rose, and together they started the walk back through the 
forest to the mountain entrance. 

                         *******************

It wasn't that late. She'd stopped crying hours ago and started thinking 
again. Crying wasn't getting her anywhere anyway. So, now what? Now 
where? 

The infirmary was quiet, just a couple of airmen with minor bumps and 
scrapes. Nothing major. 

Someone walked in and quietly approached her bed. She knew it was him 
even before he spoke. She wasn't sure she wanted to speak to anyone, 
especially him. Maybe if he thought she was asleep he'd go away. She 
closed her eyes and lay still. 

He pulled up a chair and sat down. He was glad she was asleep, it made it 
easier for him to say what he had to say. "I thought it was a good time 
for us to have a chat," he started. "I have some stuff I need to tell 
you." He looked at her, she was breathing slowly and evenly, apparently 
deeply asleep. "Sometimes I don't tell the people I care about how 
important they are to me. I lost Sarah because of that."  He paused 
processing that thought and gathering the next.  "I just wanted to tell 
you how important you are to us here. But especially to me. I've been 
thinking about a few things, well a lot of things actually. Mostly about 
what we've done for each other over the years. 

"We've never given up on each other before, Carter. You know, Danny and 
that Babylon fish guy, us in Antarctica, Teal'c with the Bursa and those 
yucky bug things." He shuddered. "Anyway, there's other stuff too." He 
paused, waiting for a reaction that didn't come.

He sighed and continued. "We didn't really talk about it much but I need 
to tell you what happened to me on Edorra. I lost everything, Carter. My 
home, what was left of my family. All the friends I ever had. In fact, my 
entire life. There were just memories and a lot of work to do. The crater 
where the gate was, it was literally just a great hole in the ground. I 
started to dig but then after a while we had to rebuild, harvest the 
crops and just get on with living. Every day I was there, I thought about 
home. I thought about you. But you weren't there. Just me and the 
Edorrans." He could still remember chopping wood, the smell of the open 
fire.

"Fraiser says you worked yourself half to death in those three months. 
Nothing else mattered to you. I could have got picked up in a few more 
months by the Tollans, they wouldda had me home in time for the playoffs, 
but you couldn't sit around and wait that long. You wouldn't give up. I 
thought there was no way home, Carter. I thought I'd never see any of you 
again. And I was just getting used to the idea. I was settling down and 
then on the exact same day I let go, Laira heard a voice on the radio. 
When she told me it was like my whole life was handed back to me.

"Carter, I'd given up on ever going home, I'd given up on you. I'm not 
gonna make that mistake twice. If you *ever* wanted to get me outta your 
hair, there was your chance, right there. So I guess you're stuck with 
me. Stuck with all of us." He siged again trying to regroup.

"We're a team, Sam. We help each other. We live together, we get tranqued 
together, hell we've even died together. I can't imagine this place or 
SG-1 without you, Sam. I mean who else am I gonna find who's just as 
happy planting a line of claymores as they are messing with soil samples 
or playing with MALPs and UAVs." That made her smile, but he couldn't 
see.

He shifted in his seat as he re-gained is momentum. "We've done a lot of 
good out there, Carter. There are a lot of people who owe their lives to 
you and the rest of us because we go out there and do what we have to do 
to get the job done. To make this world, this whole damned galaxy, a 
better place. Better for Ry'ac, for Cassie, the kids on Orban, for 
thousands of others. Not to mention saving this rock a few times."

He paused, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes. "What I'm trying to say 
is that we're in over our heads in a war here, Carter, and we don't know 
who half the bad guys are. Sometimes things are go